Go to navigation
It is currently Sat Dec 10, 2016 4:39 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:46 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2009 4:26 pm
Posts: 144
Location: Manchester
Because I am really struggling :( Found out yesterday that DD2 will not be joining her big sister at grammar and will be going to our local comp (good for Manchester, utterly average nationally) She is a bit disappointed. Despite the logical arguments - she is very bright and will do well, her friends will be there, travel time is 10 minutes walk not an hour on the bus, being in the top sets will boost her confidence etc. - I am completely distraught (obviously I have hidden this). I know I have lost perspective; I hardly slept last night.

Can anyone offer any reassurance? I feel embarrassed to have reacted so badly :(


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:58 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 8228
I think it is probably good to feel so bad about it now. In a few days it won't bother you as you'll have worked through all the different feelings it has given you, whereas if you were only low-level bothered it might come back to haunt you at a later time.

Average for Manchester I am sure is fine. What do the top achievers get at GCSE? Have you looked at their GCSE news to cheer yourself up?

What sort of GCSE results do you think your daughter could get, and are there some children (it only takes a few) who get those kind of results at this school? If so, don't worry.

Go to the Trafford Centre and see all the grammar pupils truanting.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 12:02 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 6:53 pm
Posts: 144
You know you will get over it at some point, so don't be embarassed about it or beat yourself up - you're totally allowed to feel bad about it & you need to work through all your feelings.
Its like any disappointment - give yourself time to come to terms with it & don't feel bad about being upset.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 12:08 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:54 pm
Posts: 1770
Location: caversham
DS2 started at local comp. in September after getting the news in March, still not totally over it.

My heart says he would have coped at super selective with DS1 but my head now accepts he is better of at the comp.

He is very very happy for all the reasons you have stated and has made some great new friends. I still feel the urge to try and extend the work set as it doesn't go far enough, in my limited experience. The higher grades at GCSE will have to be fought for rather than carried along by positive peer pressure.

But horses for courses, oh and have a DD in year 5 to prepare so that keeps me busy. :)


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 12:15 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 8228
Whether there is positive peer pressure very much depends on the comprehensive. There are many comprehensives where in the top set there will be just as much peer pressure, if not more, than at a grammar where sometimes everyone gets a bit lazy cos they think they are clever.

It might be in year 7, 8, 9 you don't yet see this as there might still be a lot of mixed ability teaching, but if there is more setting later on the nature of things will change?

Get the impression that in the superselectives round here you get a pretty cushy ride in year 7, clearly your Reading one might be different, but who knows. People can give you such different impressions of the same school - 3 hours homework per night versus 10 mins per night I've heard from different families at the same school.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 12:28 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2009 4:26 pm
Posts: 144
Location: Manchester
Stevew61 I'm glad to hear your son is enjoying it. It's hard when one seems just as bright as the other to me, but will have a totally different school experience.

Mystery - yes, there are pupils with a string of A*s and As at GCSE and A level. It is hard to get a proper perspective though, when you are comparing the results to a very selective grammar. Everything looks fairly rubbish compared to a 100% A* - C pass rate!!

What keeps ambushing me are all the little things I'd idly daydreamed about - buying her uniform, watching her set off with her sister, hearing them compare and moan about the same teachers - that won't be happening.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 1:00 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
Posts: 4608
Is DD happy about it - in which case, face it (and I know I'm being very harsh here - I may well feel exactly the same in 6 weeks time :oops: ), it's about you not her!! It will feel better soon. I know from DD not passing a few years ago it feels horrid - almost an embarrassment if people expected her to pass. Indulge yourself a little, and if DD is sad, indulge her!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 1:10 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2007 2:29 pm
Posts: 593
Location: Trafford
Overanxious, you are grieving for what might have been and grief takes time to process. It doesn't mean that you won't come out of it with a positive attitude to the comp where DD2 will go, it's just that you aren't in that position yet. I hope you feel better soon and I do understand how you feel.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 1:14 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:52 pm
Posts: 737
DD is in Year 7 at catchment Comp (another 'national average' type school.) I stopped dwelling on it within a few days of getting the news (March 1st for Essex) but surprised myself by having a really big cry after buying her school uniform this summer. Like TraffordMum says, it's a grieving process. We have to rewrite our dreams and that takes time.

I still think DD would have been fine at the Grammar and, yes, she is a bit of a fish out of water at her new school but she's got her own little group of friends and they do their own thing and she certainly seems perfectly happy.

Importantly, DD doesn't regret doing the exam (and all the prep that led up to it).

Give yourself time and don't feel guilty about any feelings of anger, grief (or blistering envy) you may have. They are perfectly natural - and will pass.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 1:26 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 8228
Oh that sounds like a good comp if you've got children with strings of A*. Here in Kent if you fail the 11+ it's a non-selective with all the top end gone, no A*s etc, ujnless you can get into one of the church schools which are a bit more comprehensive.

As the others say, it's a grieving process, but you know your daughter is clever, the 11+ is not perfect, never was.

Still they could end up in the same 6th form, it's easy to switch to a grammar 6th with good predicted GCSEs, or you could appeal each year if you want to.

Isn't the comprehensive uniform as nice? Fewer problems working out whose uniform is whose, and they may never have experienced the same teachers anyway, there are so many teachers at a secondary school.

Oh yes I can understand you feeling sad, I will too when the same thing happens. I don't like them not getting 100% in a spelling test even!! I know you won't let her know though.

Was she keen on the grammar and is putting on a brave face for you?


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
CALL 020 8204 5060
   
Privacy Policy | Refund Policy | Disclaimer | Copyright © 2004 – 2016