11 Plus Exams Forum

Do they know you are very keen for them to pass?
Do they know you're on websites like this?
Do they think that you will be disappointed if they fail?

My son recently told one of his friends that he didn't want to go to xyz comp because 'my mum says it's a bit rubbish' which has made me think a little about what I say both to him and when talking to friends/family!!

I'm keen for him to go to our local grammar. I went there as did my husband, sisters, parents and uncles (girls/boys divisions) and our local catchment school is very poor with several name changes due to failed Ofsteds and offers numerous diplomas rather than GCSEs in certain subjects, BUT I hate the fact that there is all this pressure on the poor lad! I'm desperately trying to keep it low key and try to make it clear that it's all about making the right choice of school for each child, but I do wonder what's going on inside his head!

Children are much, much more perceptive than we think.

I guess our children generally understand the stakes pretty well, and are most likely rather stressed about the whole process and the weight of expectation on them.

Just being honest.

Do they know you are very keen for them to pass?
Do they know you're on websites like this?
Do they think that you will be disappointed if they fail?

My son recently told one of his friends that he didn't want to go to xyz comp because 'my mum says it's a bit rubbish' which has made me think a little about what I say both to him and when talking to friends/family!!

I'm keen for him to go to our local grammar. I went there as did my husband, sisters, parents and uncles (girls/boys divisions) and our local catchment school is very poor with several name changes due to failed Ofsteds and offers numerous diplomas rather than GCSEs in certain subjects, BUT I hate the fact that there is all this pressure on the poor lad! I'm desperately trying to keep it low key and try to make it clear that it's all about making the right choice of school for each child, but I do wonder what's going on inside his head!

I think my answer would be yes on all accounts.My daughter is very sensitive and has already chosen the school she liked the best out of atleast 6 open day visits this year.(Which is different to the one I like the most! )

There is always pressure that the kids can pick up on, we've told her it's just abit like a lottery-not everyone can win.We will be applying to three grammar schools but also to other independent schools and will also have a plan C with an independent school which her older sisiter currently attends,so we would have a higher chance of getting in, as she would be a sibling but she isn't too keen on that one because of limited ART lessons.

um wrote:Children are much, much more perceptive than we think.

I guess our children generally understand the stakes pretty well, and are most likely rather stressed about the whole process and the weight of expectation on them.

Just being honest.

I think you are spot on! My DC3 was very aware of the 11+ and the implications of passing/failing, more so than the other 2 as he has seen them going through it. I had to explain to him that I would be disappointed FOR him not IN him if he failed, because I knew how hard he'd worked. He agreed that he'd be very angry with himself.

My DD was very calm about the whole thing and we had not made it into a big deal - saying it would just give her more choices. We had visited our nearest Gram (SHS) and the local Comp (behind our house). DD really liked the comp (we did too) and knew most of her friends were going there so was not worried if she didn't pass. She was less enamoured of SHS. We said it would not matter where she went as she would be herself and do well.

All this changed when we went to the Pates open day because she really fell in love with it. She was striding around saying she belonged there. She went to pieces on her next practice because it all suddenly mattered to her. We reiterated our mantra about it not being so very vital and reminded her how she had liked the comp. She managed to regain her equilibrium within a few days.

On test day itself though she said that as soon as she entered the test room it suddenly seemed like the whole world depended on it, mostly due to the large number of intent girls I think.

We did not tell DD when the results were due. As far as she was concerned it was done with. So only DH and me had stress the following week and DD got happy surprises on Saturday morning. Her relief at the top 120 for Pates showed that she had been a lot more stressed than she showed.

DD knows I go on the forum and is amused by it. She reminds me that I critisise her for going too long on the computer when there are other more fun things to do

aargh wrote: Her relief at the top 120 for Pates showed that she had been a lot more stressed than she showed.

I found that too .DS1 seemed fairly calm about the whole thing but when the results email came through ( I'd already looked at the result) he was shaking uncontrollably and then burst into tears .For the whole of the following week he kept hugging me at random moments thanking me profusely for helping him pass. A bit embarrassing when queuing up in Tescos .

scarlett wrote:

aargh wrote: Her relief at the top 120 for Pates showed that she had been a lot more stressed than she showed.

I found that too .DS1 seemed fairly calm about the whole thing but when the results email came through ( I'd already looked at the result) he was shaking uncontrollably and then burst into tears .For the whole of the following week he kept hugging me at random moments thanking me profusely for helping him pass. A bit embarrassing when queuing up in Tescos .

So cute.

Hope that happens with DD1. Seems to have turned into a monster this week - long before Halloween, and she's only 7. Maybe some 11+ preparation will turn her into a lovely child like yours Scarlett.

Girls are a whole different kettle of fish , Mystery !

Oh dear, I'd always hoped to extend the family and have a nice boy but DH has had enough.

I'm not sure what my children think I think about the eleven plus.

So I'll reply on behalf of my parents instead. They just always used to say that I should just do my best, that was all that was needed. But for some reason I thought they really did want to me to do very well, and they cared very much that I would do well, and that they just said this other thing a bout just doing my best because they thought they should just in case I did badly.