Are we all deluded?

[Amber]

..........and that's what I'm trying to get across, although not as eloquently as you.......lots of us are experiencing parental agonies , but in different shapes and forms, but nonetheless , still as raw and horrid as the next person and so these little things are a huge worry for them and we can only guess why when we don't know the person or situation. Does it ever get better ?!!!!

It was very humbling for me to spend a year working in a school for children with severe learning difficulties and seeing how parents learn to re- define their expectations. At risk of sounding trite or sending out platitudes, it does help sometimes just to remember that our difficulties, all-consuming as they are, are all relative.

[scarlett]

Well, yes I think that when I look after terminally ill children, my worries are, of course a mere trifle in comparison. However, it is difficult to keep things in perspective when it's your own child ...or is that just me ???

[pheasantchick]

No, that's normal.

[Fran17]

Yes, I agree, of course that is normal. You only want the best for your child.

[fatbananas]

Whether we're talking about a terminally ill child, a bullied child, a severe-learning difficulties child, what we are all aiming for is for that child to get as much self-fulfillment, love, the feeling that they are a worthwhile person etc. as possible. It's not really about comparing the types of situation (though, of course, I agree a degree of that helps keep things in perspective), it's about dealing with the individual and helping them make the best of what they have, whatever that may be.

[mystery]

Yes exactly. I think that Amber must have had the gut feeling, through most of her children's education, except when she withdrew them, that they were achieving approximately what she felt them to be capable of.

No I didn't restrict my comments about EP's and suitability for entrance procedures to the south-east, I just know that there are ones in the south-east who make that part of their work, whether that's a good or a bad thing I am not commenting on. I still think though that if a parent felt they might be deluding themselves into thinking their child was capable of a super-selective for example, that an EP could provide a good reality check. This was why I suggested in relation to the OP.

Much of what you say on education I agree with Amber, and I probably would like much of your proposed reforms. However, we all try to get our children through the system that exists now.

Yes spelling tests for five year olds are bad. Mine cries each week when she gets one spelling wrong and "everyone else gets them all correct" - words like lair, and software she has to remember whether it's an are or an air in words that she would never use in her own writing. No one makes schools do that, it is not government policy.

[guest201]

For me it is a matter of statistics, I look at my kid's school's results each year and see how many get into grammar school, it is usually at least 4 sometimes as high as 10 or 11 so I presume as my kids are in the top ten of their year I am not "deluded" !!! if on the other hand they were only in the top 20 in their year I would consider myself "slightly deluded" and so on, but I have to say there are quite a few (by my reasoning) deluded parents out there.

[Amber]

Yes exactly. I think that Amber must have had the gut feeling, through most of her children's education, except when she withdrew them, that they were achieving approximately what she felt them to be capable of.



Yes spelling tests for five year olds are bad. Mine cries each week when she gets one spelling wrong and "everyone else gets them all correct" - words like lair, and software she has to remember whether it's an are or an air in words that she would never use in her own writing. No one makes schools do that, it is not government policy.

You will not believe me if I tell you that the truthful answer to your first supposition- that I have been satisfied they have been achieving what they are capable of - is no, and I don't care! I have genuinely not cared at all what they achieved at primary school so long as they were happy and having fun. I don't think any of them has got anywhere near to working at full stretch at that age. My older two do now though, but only because they want to- I have never ever pushed or even done much in the way of encouraging. Bad mother perhaps, but anyone who knows me in person would bear this out.

As for 'lair' as a spelling for a 5 year old - I despair.

[laretta]

My mother took a similar attitude with me when I was young.
When my father used to try and push my brother and I at school she stepped in and stopped him. She would say that we should be left to play and that we were just children - too young to have such pressures - we did talk a lot and I therefore had a very good vocabulary, but as for school work - I remember from a very early age (5) being given spellings and NEVER doing them, being given homework and NEVER doing that either. I can definitely say that going to school having not learnt what you've been asked to, puts immense pressure on a child. No one at home bothered to check if I had any homework, my dad would occasionally ask, but having got nice and comfy with not doing it, I would lie and say I didn't have any.(he was a teacher, so probably should have known better but was continually halted in his efforts by my mother - whom I love dearly by the way) By the time I got to high school I was so far behind, and so used to not doing any work at home, that I just couldn't seem to get round to doing my homework. I hated every minute of high school because the stress of going in on a daily basis, knowing that I had nothing to hand in and I had to come up with a new excuse, was just too much. I was lucky in that I did understand things easily and coped well during lesson time, but my lack of home study eventually caught up with me and I did not come out of school with anywhere near what I was capable of. It is because of this that I have taken the opposite approach with my children, and have from the word go spent time with them going through their spellings and homework, to ensure they get into the habit and that they make the most out of their education and they do not go into school with the same dread that I did. My children will now get their homework out and complete it without a word from me, my youngest dd2 is fully prepared for high school and already has the skills to manage the up and coming workload ( not that it is immense, but it would soon build up with procrastination.) My mother has on many occasions said that I push them too much, which upsets me as she makes me doubt my own convictions. This whole 11+ process is difficult enough without someone very dear to you whispering in your ear , giving you doubts.
I wish I had worked more at school and regret bitterly that I did not make the most of my education.

If you give children lots of study, the second they have time they will play.
If your give children lots of play the second they have time they will play some more - or say I'm bored. The point I am making is that if you give a child the choice 99 out of a hundred children will always choose play over and over and over again.

[lara228]

My mother took a similar attitude with me when I was young.
When my father used to try and push my brother and I at school she stepped in and stopped him. She would say that we should be left to play and that we were just children - too young to have such pressures - we did talk a lot and I therefore had a very good vocabulary, but as for school work - I remember from a very early age (5) being given spellings and NEVER doing them, being given homework and NEVER doing that either. I can definitely say that going to school having not learnt what you've been asked to, puts immense pressure on a child. No one at home bothered to check if I had any homework, my dad would occasionally ask, but having got nice and comfy with not doing it, I would lie and say I didn't have any.(he was a teacher, so probably should have known better but was continually halted in his efforts by my mother - whom I love dearly by the way) By the time I got to high school I was so far behind, and so used to not doing any work at home, that I just couldn't seem to get round to doing my homework. I hated every minute of high school because the stress of going in on a daily basis, knowing that I had nothing to hand in and I had to come up with a new excuse, was just too much. I was lucky in that I did understand things easily and coped well during lesson time, but my lack of home study eventually caught up with me and I did not come out of school with anywhere near what I was capable of. It is because of this that I have taken the opposite approach with my children, and have from the word go spent time with them going through their spellings and homework, to ensure they get into the habit and that they make the most out of their education and they do not go into school with the same dread that I did. My children will now get their homework out and complete it without a word from me, my youngest dd2 is fully prepared for high school and already has the skills to manage the up and coming workload ( not that it is immense, but it would soon build up with procrastination.) My mother has on many occasions said that I push them too much, which upsets me as she makes me doubt my own convictions. This whole 11+ process is difficult enough without someone very dear to you whispering in your ear , giving you doubts.
I wish I had worked more at school and regret bitterly that I did not make the most of my education.

If you give children lots of study, the second they have time they will play.
If your give children lots of play the second they have time they will play some more - or say I'm bored. The point I am making is that if you give a child the choice 99 out of a hundred children will always choose play over and over and over again.

OMG Laretta - I could have written this! Exactly my thoughts and experiences.