Are we all deluded?

[mystery]

Exactly, but if you were concerned you were pressurising your child for absolutely nothing then there are some ways of getting a rough idea whether you are or not.

Amber- my idea was a purely theoretical one - yes the cost is high but some people are applying to superselectives etc to avoid independent fees that they could just about afford, and a one-off report is a fraction of the cost of one term's fees. Yes LEA Ed Psychs are usually involved where there is some kind of issue, but I think you'll find that a a lot of EPs who practice privately in the southeast are looking at underachievement at school (and this can include things like. whether an average performer is average or not) and suitability for certain entrance procedures.

Whether it's a good idea or not is another matter.

[Looking for help]

I think you have to weigh up how important it is to your child, and how they will take disaster should it happen. With our youngest he took it very hard, probably not as hard as his mother, but they're you go. Was I deluded about his ability? I don't think so, I have been waiting (he's y9 now) for some evidence that he is less intelligent than his three siblings, and have yet to get any. Do I wish now that he hadn't taken the test? Absolutely, because he's now worrying that he has some sort of issue with important exams, and that he may fall at the next hurdle (GCSEs). He's happy enough at the school he's at, probably as happy as his elder siblings were, and is in fact getting a bonus from being at the top of the game, rather than being considered more of the bottom of the heap that his siblings were at the GS. It's a very difficult question to answer, really, and I would love to know the actual raw score difference between the top mark and the passmark/cut off score, I think it's probably not that much.

[Amber]

but I think you'll find that a a lot of EPs who practice privately in the southeast are looking at underachievement at school (and this can include things like. whether an average performer is average or not) and suitability for certain entrance procedures.

Is this what we have become? Interesting that you confine it to EPs who practise privately in the South East.

A family member coincidentally lives in the South East and her cat is on anti-depressants - I am not joking. She is happy (owner, not cat - cat is clearly not as happy as it could be) that she has found 'a really sympathetic vet' who truly understands Tiddles (name changed to protect innocent party) and his particular set of mental health issues. Vet is also no doubt happy that he has found someone daft enough to believe that a cat needs to be on mind altering drugs, specially imported at some significant cost - I will let you guess where from.

Sorry, but I really do think that getting a child privately assessed by an EP for 'suitability for certain entrance procedures' is a vision of the future I would rather not see.

[pabrighton0]

but I think you'll find that a a lot of EPs who practice privately in the southeast are looking at underachievement at school (and this can include things like. whether an average performer is average or not) and suitability for certain entrance procedures.

Is this what we have become? Interesting that you confine it to EPs who practise privately in the South East.

Sorry, but I really do think that getting a child privately assessed by an EP for 'suitability for certain entrance procedures' is a vision of the future I would rather not see.

I absolutely agree. Tutors and parental tutoring are providing a real advantage on the whole since children do better and that will lift everybody up - eventually.

But I similarly struggle to see what creating argumentation for appeals like it sound this EP assistance is targeted at will do to raise children's attainment in schools.

[Amber]

But I similarly struggle to see what creating argumentation for appeals like it sound this EP assistance is targeted at will do to raise children's attainment in schools.

Well nothing at all; it will just make a lucky few streetwise EPs rather wealthy.

I predict a growing market for this kind of thing: and probably a ready supply of jaded EPs, sick of the usual grind, very willing to play into it. "Oh no, Mrs Cholmondely, he is not average, good heavens no! He is dreadfully bright and being failed by that ghastly bunch of so-called teachers at St Nowhere's Academy".

Demand and supply - take note any EPs out there. Big money and lots of goodies at Christmas from delighted parents to be had.




Note to EPs - just a joke, OK, I know you would not compromise your professional integrity under pressure from rich parents desperate to get their kids into a good school at any cost.

[scarlett]

Amber, although I wouldn't take my children to see an EP...I'm not sure how it all works anyway...I can sympathise with those who do .It's not all about being rich and wanting your child deemed the most brilliant in the class. Some of us have had our children failed and let down by " ghastly teachers " and as a NHS nurse I do want to reiterate that I know how it feels to be knocked all the time and made to feel you have just been dragged in off the streets and are not actually qualified to have an opinion. However, I can't keep reading your posts without asking...surely you must realise that not all teachers and schools are brilliant ?

I have to share with you my story..and I apologise if it's boring or you've heard it all before. My children have been desperately let down by my school , and I can feel the tears welling as I write this , it's been so soul destroying. All I want is to send my children off with a wave knowing that not only are they being catered for academically and not pushed, but gently stretched to their full potential which is what we all deserve, but that their very being as little individuals is nurtured as well. My second son in particular has had to put up with all kinds of problems which I can't really go into detail on here about...but let's just say there's someone up for professional misconduct . Consequently DS isn't where he should be , but in a different situation who knows ? I think I do, which is why I'm trying to fill the gaps at home ... I can see his potential..or should I have just let him continue without interfering ? Would his ability still shine through or would he fall further and further behind..not believing in himself .He thinks he is " rubbish " anyway and I'm also having to build up his confidence....and for me, that's the worse thing. Being told he's got educational needs when it was just a cover for something dodgy going on. I'm worried he's never going to think he's up to much and that breaks my heart. These things can have such an influence over the path children choose to take and so some of us have to take matters into our own hands.

Going back to my job.....It does annoy me when I have parents trying to tell me that I should be doing something differently, but I also try to take a step back and remember that they know their child inside out...back to front and so will always know better then me in that respect.

[Amber]

My own three children have, like others, had a mixed bag of teachers over time. Some have been what I would call truly outstanding and inspirational;some have been terrible (and our experiences with one caused us to remove our child from school as an 'unauthorised absence' until action was taken); most have been somewhere in the middle, ordinary good- day bad- day types like you and me. They are, however, some of the most 'interfered with' professionals anywhere: because education is such a political hot potato teachers are rarely left to get on with the job for very long before someone comes along and tells them to do it differently, with understandable effects on morale and performance.

I do not think all schools are perfect. I teach in 2 which are in and out of special measures and there are an awful lot of things wrong. But to me there is just as much wrong with making 5 year olds learn a list of spellings as there is with allowing them to run around unsupervised - more, in fact. I suppose because I have a lot of experience in all sectors and am continuing to study education and policy, I do try to take a wider view than what just affects my own immediate family. In fact those who know me personally would call me the biggest cynic out; I have taught my own lot to challenge authority every step of the way as long as they are prepared to take the consequences.

I think the part you are maybe finding hard to take is my view that being pathologically worried over every little thing which happens to a child is not healthy, either for the child or the parent. I truly believe that education starts too early in this country and that our young people are put under too much pressure too soon. I also believe that nothing is irrevocable and there are always choices, whether we take them on our children's behalf or whether when they are older they take them for themselves. To me academic attainment is only a tiny part of what makes a child. I am not just paying lip service to this idea - my own children have missed several years of schooling precisely because I am not a huge fan of schools- but I didn't spend time trying to do school work - they learned other stuff instead. So they can all cook - and I mean cook, not just bake; they all know about the flora and fauna of the UK and they can all get by in several other languages.

I am a teacher, yes. But you have me so wrong if you think I am a fan of schools as they are in this country - nothing could be further from the truth. In fact my OH dissolved in laughter at the suggestion that I think schools are brilliant - I would radically overhaul the whole system if I had the power, but probably not in a way you would approve of. The things I most hate- early specialisation, selection and heavy emphasis on academic attainment, are the things a lot of parents aspire to, and that is why my views often seem radical on this forum.

[scarlett]

Yes, I agree with much of that and you're very fortunate to have been able to take your children out of school and give them a more rounded education. I'd like that for mine. I was just pointing out, that these small things don't necessarily seem so to others , and just because we want to know that our children are taught properly at school doesn't necessarily mean we are pathologically worried. We are normal ! I just can't bear it when my son tells me he is rubbish and am trying to address that in the only way I know.

[Amber]

And believe me, I have been through my share of parenting agonies too Scarlett. I could write a book on being the parent of a bullied child : now there's something I feel very strongly about.

[scarlett]

..........and that's what I'm trying to get across, although not as eloquently as you.......lots of us are experiencing parental agonies , but in different shapes and forms, but nonetheless , still as raw and horrid as the next person and so these little things are a huge worry for them and we can only guess why when we don't know the person or situation. Does it ever get better ?!!!!