When do DC become self-motivated
Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators
Re: When do DC become self-motivated
Year 7 Week 3
For the first time in his life he had marked school work and for the first two weeks he just did enough to get by. His marks were average compared to his prep school buddies. He is a competitive boy so being behind his friends was enough to motivate him to work harder.
Since then he has come first in a Year 7 academic competition and a project of his is going to get published in the school newspaper. All the attention and praise from this has just served to motivate him even more.
If we had put him into the comprehensive that he was allocated then I doubt that I would have seen this self-motivating side of him so I guess the school fees were well spent.
For the first time in his life he had marked school work and for the first two weeks he just did enough to get by. His marks were average compared to his prep school buddies. He is a competitive boy so being behind his friends was enough to motivate him to work harder.
Since then he has come first in a Year 7 academic competition and a project of his is going to get published in the school newspaper. All the attention and praise from this has just served to motivate him even more.
If we had put him into the comprehensive that he was allocated then I doubt that I would have seen this self-motivating side of him so I guess the school fees were well spent.
-
fatbananas
- Posts: 1411
- Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:03 pm
Re: When do DC become self-motivated
My DS doesn't seem that competitive. He's pleased when he does well etc. but he doesn't seem that bothered if others overtake him, provided he's done 'well enough'. Will he ever get more competitive?!
Seize the day ... before it seizes you.
Re: When do DC become self-motivated
PD what you say fits with something I was just reading that links with this in a vague way - it's a paper on a completely different subject that concludes that "the problem is thus not always that students fail to learn because they lack motivation; rather, students lack motivation because they do not experience progress and competence". Prior achievement has a substantial effect on later motivation.
Re: When do DC become self-motivated
Yes, I would agree with that..now DS2 is striding ahead academically he is much more confident in his abilities and consequently really motivated to achieve better and better scores in his work /tests. However his big carrot is of course the Grammar his brother is at and for which he needs a fairly decent score...he knows he can only get there through hard work and I do worry if he doesn't make it how he will subsequently feel about himself and will he then consider school work a waste of time ?
As you know Bananas, my DD is the same age as your DS and if she can sneak off and watch rubbish tv , hide in the guinea pig cage / dogs bed She most definitely will. Her take on things is that she does enough school work at school thanks very much but if need be she will shout out the answers to annoy DS2 when we are testing him.
DS1 , on the other hand is incredibly lazy and completes his homework in 5 minutes announcing he is level 8 at school ( he's not
) so all is ok. DH had a big ranty session with him in the car yesterday over his apathy ( good move there was no escaping ) and so he was rather moody and nothing changed..however after a little pep talk from me...just remember " school is your Gateway To Greatness " 
then he was going through his books like a trooper ! You just have to adapt the situation to the individual I think and it all comes in time.
As you know Bananas, my DD is the same age as your DS and if she can sneak off and watch rubbish tv , hide in the guinea pig cage / dogs bed She most definitely will. Her take on things is that she does enough school work at school thanks very much but if need be she will shout out the answers to annoy DS2 when we are testing him.
DS1 , on the other hand is incredibly lazy and completes his homework in 5 minutes announcing he is level 8 at school ( he's not
) so all is ok. DH had a big ranty session with him in the car yesterday over his apathy ( good move there was no escaping ) and so he was rather moody and nothing changed..however after a little pep talk from me...just remember " school is your Gateway To Greatness " then he was going through his books like a trooper ! You just have to adapt the situation to the individual I think and it all comes in time.Re: When do DC become self-motivated
ha ha You are great at pep talks; do you hire yourself out as this household could do with you?!! Now if that was here, DH would claim that DS's sudden diligent pouring over the books was a delayed reaction to HIS rather less-well delivered peptalk. Maybe as a couple you represent the carrot and the stick.
You are great at pep talks; do you hire yourself out as this household could do with you?!! Now if that was here, DH would claim that DS's sudden diligent pouring over the books was a delayed reaction to HIS rather less-well delivered peptalk. Maybe as a couple you represent the carrot and the stick.-
fatbananas
- Posts: 1411
- Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:03 pm
Re: When do DC become self-motivated
I think DS doesn't 'experience' progress. Although he obviously does learn new stuff and increases his knowledge it doesn't 'feel' like that when he is just maintaining his place in the class.
Scarlett, what motivated your DS1 to do all the work for grammar school?
I hope 'school is your gateway to greatness' will work for me in years to come! When I told him (after he'd shouted that he didn't see the point of schoolwork) that working hard at school would give him many more choices when he was older and had to get a job, which would pay for a house and a sports car etc etc. He told me he didn't need a house because he could live at home
That's clearly another difficult conversation we're going to have in the years to come ....
Scarlett, what motivated your DS1 to do all the work for grammar school?
I hope 'school is your gateway to greatness' will work for me in years to come! When I told him (after he'd shouted that he didn't see the point of schoolwork) that working hard at school would give him many more choices when he was older and had to get a job, which would pay for a house and a sports car etc etc. He told me he didn't need a house because he could live at home
That's clearly another difficult conversation we're going to have in the years to come ....
Seize the day ... before it seizes you.
Re: When do DC become self-motivated
DS1 was a bit huffy initially , but I think because I made sure the work was planned and so it became part of our routine , he then decided it was best just to get on with it. Plus his friend was taking the 11 plus too so they probably discussed what marks they were getting and how horrible their mums are ! Your DS probably thinks he doesn't need to work outside of school as he's of that age when they just think about the here and now. My DD wants to be a dentist but doesn't think she needs to work hard apparently just having nice teeth is enough to get you the job
Once he starts thinking about girls then you could always try the impress them with a nice house and car line I suppose.
Once he starts thinking about girls then you could always try the impress them with a nice house and car line I suppose.
Re: When do DC become self-motivated
mystery wrote:ha ha
Just noticed your post , Mystery
Yes, I love a good pep talk ...at work any parents who are upset I spend ages boosting them up and then we all have a big hug 
It's a great time filler although it doesn't always work at home because the dc will usually peer closely at me and ask if I've had a glass of wine or if I'm going to start crying !Oh, and just remind your DH that the greatness is ALWAYS down to us
Re: When do DC become self-motivated
@ Scarlett!Re: When do DC become self-motivated
DS1 - had a 2 week calendar on the fridge. He would look at the date, do the work and cross it off. Very rarely did I have to moan at him for not doing his tutor work. He had decided what secondary school he wanted to go to (our local one is not good) in Year 4. He had his own motivation and was quite a pleasure to work with on the 11+. He got CRGS and was/is very happy.
DS2 - now he is quite different! I tried the same technique which failed. I then tried different money charts, reward charts (books, cinema etc), pocket money for holiday - all of which failed too. We had countless arguments and found the whole thing quite stressful. I often picked up the telephone to say that if he didn't really want to do it, it was fine with us, and that I was calling his tutor to cancel her. At this, he then begged me not to and would do the work in a strop. The best way I found to get him to do the work was pure blackmail.
If he didn't do it then he would have no reading time (his favourite pastime), X-box or television until the work was done. I also found that if I gave him 24 hours notice that, for example, when he came home from school tomorrow, he would have to do e.g. a Maths paper. He seemed to cope better if I gave him prior warning and the temper tantrums seemed almost to disappear.
It is so hard and I do feel for you. Sometimes, I do wonder if it is really worth it ............... Guess we will find out soon on March 1st ......
DS2 - now he is quite different! I tried the same technique which failed. I then tried different money charts, reward charts (books, cinema etc), pocket money for holiday - all of which failed too. We had countless arguments and found the whole thing quite stressful. I often picked up the telephone to say that if he didn't really want to do it, it was fine with us, and that I was calling his tutor to cancel her. At this, he then begged me not to and would do the work in a strop. The best way I found to get him to do the work was pure blackmail.
If he didn't do it then he would have no reading time (his favourite pastime), X-box or television until the work was done. I also found that if I gave him 24 hours notice that, for example, when he came home from school tomorrow, he would have to do e.g. a Maths paper. He seemed to cope better if I gave him prior warning and the temper tantrums seemed almost to disappear.It is so hard and I do feel for you. Sometimes, I do wonder if it is really worth it ............... Guess we will find out soon on March 1st ......
