Rewards ...

[mommasmaug]

yes a real snake. She already has one and wants another now!!

[stressing]

I'm afraid DH did bribe DD with a dog if she passes .The family will get one if she doesn't . Wasn't my idea but he felt she was doing something she didn't want to do. He also said that when we work hard at work we get paid but if we excel we get a bonus. So DD gets it both prizes and rewards for working hard and really trying (not staring out of the window). Guess you just have to do what works.

[SEP18]

I did go down the blackmail route, especially for the last couple of months of preparation. I foolishly asked what would give him an incentive to get on and study just before the exams. He replied with an Ipad, if he passed. After the exam, my eldest DS who is at Grammar, complained that we had not done anything like this for him. That got me thinking ............. oh dear ........ what had I done?

So, for Christmas, the whole family received the Ipad DS did mention the other day that if he passed, would he still get the Ipad .......... I had a little chuckle and said of course not, Father Christmas delivered it for the whole family!!

I think I may just have got away with this one .......... However, I am thinking that a nice meal on Thursday will be a nice thing to do ........ regardless of the result.

[Yummiemummie]

A family meal out, a small reward, but a DOG!
As a dog lover I feel uncomfortable about this....

[stressing]

DH knows i've been wanting to get a dog for ages. Think this is only reason he felt safe giving this as a bribe.

We will be going out for a family dinner whatever her result as she will still have worked hord.

[Kiwimum]

A Dog is for Life, not just for Eleven Plus

I'm not sure the Dogs Trust have thought of that one!

Rather a dog than a snake though - if a snake moves in, I'm moving out!

[anxiousp]

Hi all,
My DH s bday fell in between the tests...so i threw a bday cum relaxation party for all the girls....most of them had been giving the exams....so it was a great way to relax for all of em...and hubby did promise her a pet....if she put in her 100%....which she did as she was studying hard..so regardless of result..hubbies is honouring the promise....she did qualify for all the tests...now just waiting for the 1st to see where she gets a place..

[Jules7]

I hooted with laughter at Kiwimum's post especially, "just get on with it". Love it.

For DD1, we didn't offer any incentive or reward. We went to see the Harry Potter film as a treat when the exams finished and I bought her a Pandora charm as a surprise which was an acknowledgement of her effort regardless of result. My parents also bought her an unconditional pressie.

I didn't do too much nagging during the preparation (I save that for DD2's homework ) as I wanted to see the motivation and effort come from her and to be fair she is pretty organised and efficient. It's an interesting one and I am considering what stance I would take with DD2 in the future (needless to say DD2 is neither organised or efficient although very lovely ).

[um]

Does anyone remember the story about John Prescott?

How both he and his brother were promised bikes if they passed the 11 Plus - his brother passed and got a bike, John Prescott failed and got nothing.

Wonder why he feels the need to own two Jags now?

That's the problem with promising rewards in advance...if they don't make it we presumably can't give them the reward, and that will breed a lot of issues that may last into the future, as well as immediate resentment, especially if friends/other family members have passed.

I haven't actually promised ds2 anything in particular, but we will buy him something small if he does make it, as well as go out as a family (which is very rare, to go anywhere with all 5 children...I will have to tranquilise the younger two )

The reality is that a lot of children (and adults) confuse love with the giving of material goods.
If this is the case, it may appear that we are loving a child because they have passed the 11 plus (or gained good GCSEs, or A levels, degree etc). yet I am sure we all love our children irrespective of their 'cleverness' or academic success.
I am not saying we shouldn't give presents when a child achieves to show our appreciation for the hard work they have put in...just that perhaps we need to think carefully about it all?

My dcs attend/attended a Primary in a very wealthy area, where the presents promised and given to some of their friends were mind-bogglingly extravagant. This is a school where the Year 6 leavers in ds1's year arrived by limo to the 'prom' wearing outfits that cost hundreds of pounds (the girls having attended hairdressers and make-up artists) and where a £150 rental chocolate fountain was waiting.

I cannot, and won't compete with that. ds1 did get a wii when he passed for CH, as we had no console or computer games before, and it was a good way to watch iplayer on the TV (we have no aerial or license!) and ds2 will get something if he makes Grammar (maybe a skateboard he wants) as a token to appreciate the effort he made.
With 5 dcs, my children's inheritance/adult financial support will be minimal and I have always made it clear that they need to make their own way in the world if they want to live comfortably.
I have said that their 'reward' is actually going to the school(s) in question and having the opportunities that will arise from that ...and they do genuinely want those opportunities.

[Jeepers]

I give up, what sort of messages does it send?

Aaah…. it tells me that you should always read up a thread before typing in case you put your foot in your mouth. I think I have offended you and that was not my intention. Please accept my apologies.

J