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 Post subject: sister problems
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 8:15 pm 
my first daughter missed by 3 points on her 11 elevens points, was so disappointed and was split from all her friend. My next daughter is a lot brighter and due to take her 11 plus Nov 2008, she should pass easily. However my first daughter is very concerned that she should not go through the 11 plus just in case she doesn't pass and has to face her same disappointment. My second daughter is feeling that she would like to just go to the same school as her sister, I feel that this would be a mistake as she would not reach her full potential as it is not a comprehensive but a secondary modern. How do I encourage her to do the 11 plus without upsetting my first daughter, as I have convinced her that she can succeed without going to a grammar school? Any advise would be greatly appreciated


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 8:36 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:30 pm
Posts: 960
Do you mean by "secondary modern" that it hasn't got a grammar stream?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 9:02 pm 
yes, because our area is purely selective. My daughter is in the top groups in her secondary school but so are all the children who were in the bottom groups in her primary school


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:58 am 
Hi Ann marie

I do feel for you so hope you don't mind my offering you some advice which I hope will help.

Firstly at this time I feel very sorry for your older daughter who(and she is only human) must be wondering what it will be like if her younger sister takes and passes the test that she didn't pass. Without doubt she cares abiut her younger sis and doesn't wnat her to have the same dissapointment but also it would be just easier if she didn't take the test.

I think what you must do is reassure your older girl that whatever happens you are still very proud of her and HER achievements and that if younger sis passes this will not change. Maybe you could remind older D why she took the test and why she was disapointed and tell her that as she was given the chance it is only fare that younger sis gets the same chance. If anything ask for older D's help in the prep and ask her if she could help you encourage younger sis to go for it. Get them both together and have a real 'Grown up' talk about it.

Another thing you could tell them thats it is quite interesting to be in different schools especially if they are close as they get to make two lots of friends to share.

Mel


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 4:27 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
Posts: 11956
Ann Marie,

This is a really hard situation - but daughter no 2 may get bored and therefore underachieve at the same school as daughter no 1 if she is bright.

Remember daughter number 1 is in top sets and will do well where she is - perhaps she might want to transfer for the Sixth form.

Tell them you love them both but they are different - encourage no 2 to go for the 11+ and put daughter no 2's school second as a back-up.

GOOD LUCK - let us know what happens


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:18 pm 
thank you for your advice, I shall try and convince no 2 to go for it, at least then she will have a choice if she does pass unlike daughter no 1. Although I don't want her to choose a school just because her sister goes there. Anyway just another hurdle!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:26 pm 
ann marie wrote:
thank you for your advice, I shall try and convince no 2 to go for it, at least then she will have a choice if she does pass unlike daughter no 1. Although I don't want her to choose a school just because her sister goes there. Anyway just another hurdle!


Unfortunately she won't have a choice, unless the grammar school is an independent school, as each child only gets one offer of a maintained school place. If you put the grammar school top of your LEA list and she passes the 11+ she will be offered a place there and nowhere else. If she then changes her mind and wants to be with her sister you would have to appeal for the secondary modern! Yet another thing to have to bear in mind. :?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 8:11 am 
thanks for that info


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 4:25 pm 
You are in a similar situation to me . My eldest daughter , just missed by 10 point's , all her friends passed , i know she is really going to feel it , if my youngest passes .


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:34 pm 
How are you dealing with the situation?


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