I've just read Mindset by Carol Dweck. It compares those with a fixed mindset who judge themselves by being the best, and those with a growth mindset who see their 'failures' as something to be worked on. It's meant I've reminded my kids of one simple word 'yet'. Rather than 'I can't do decimals, it's too difficult for me' we now have 'I can't do decimals yet'.
I was that child at the top of the class for many years. When I was at school, for me it was always about being the best. For my kids I want them to feel they are being their best. It's a subtle but important difference for me.
Well said. Red velvet you might enjoy Bounce by Matthew Syed too, which fits in beautifully with the growth/fixed mindset theory.
Makes perfect sense, and as the proud mum of boy twins, one of whom veers strongly into fixed and the other veers pretty strongly into growth I can really see how it impacts on risk taking and self esteem. Both are very high achievers, one struggles far more with tackling things he 'cannot do yet', hence lots of maths 'shutters down' moments despite glowing reports from maths teacher. Very interesting.
And as most have said, really no need or requirement to be top of here class. I am proud to be an 'intelligent average', used to earn lots of beans (if that's what you want) and I don't feel constantly under pressure to prove myself. It's a life skill, learning that you always do your best but sometimes you just won't be 'up there' and that's fine.