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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:40 am 
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If I give before the test, it might help 1) relax 2) motivate 3) make her generally happy as she gets her fav toy BUT worried that it could 1) distract?
If I give after the test, she'll miss out on the above 'benefits' that could potentially help her do better..


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 10:22 am 
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I assume you mean before results? In which case, actually tempted to hint at what she might get and then give it once the exam is done, but quickly


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 10:56 am 
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no I actually did mean before the test


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:18 am 
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I would definitely go with reward for the hard work before the test. The onus then is on the work and not the results. If we reward for results and our DC's fail to gain those results they can become all or nothing thinkers. You want your DC to do their best but not worry if they don't make the mark.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:32 am 
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We gave our DD reward straight after the test, came out of the test went shopping and bought her what we had promised if she worked hard and went out for lunch.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:38 am 
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Generally if my ds put in the effort we would reward him- usually with his favourite meal. If he has done well with his scores he usually gets dessert too!!


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:36 pm 
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After the test but before the results - as I have said on another thread, we took our boys for lunch at their favourite restaurant, straight after leaving the test centre. This was to say how proud we were of the effort they had put in leading up to the test and for doing the test that day. Nothing to do with results - we were rewarding the effort and recognising they had done the test (the end of the process - drawing a line under it). The result, then, was irrelevant.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 2:14 pm 
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Eccentric wrote:
I would definitely go with reward for the hard work before the test. The onus then is on the work and not the results. If we reward for results and our DC's fail to gain those results they can become all or nothing thinkers.



I think it's trickier than that. Whilst you definitely want to reward the effort (as it is a vital skill to acquire) you cannot not ignore teaching the value of results. Whether you are a plumber, a start-up founder, a musician, a city boy or some sort of manager, you will not get paid or recognised for effort, only for results.

Ideally then, the best would be to have 2 sorts of rewards. One for the effort (possibly just after the exam) and one for the success. This way you reward both aspects of the work done.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 3:14 pm 
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Hello.
I rewarded my twins for effort, the day before the test. Fortunately they both passed, but had only one passed then how could I have rewarded her and not her sister. That would have been a double blow. Plus I have a son taking the test this year, so it also wouldn't be fair to him if the girls had got a prize for passing, and he doesn't anything should he not pass.I also believe that passing is a reward within itself for all the hard work they have put in. Pass, or not, they all put the in the same amount of effort so deserve acknowledgement for that in my opinion.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:46 pm 
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ConfusedFather wrote:
Eccentric wrote:
I would definitely go with reward for the hard work before the test. The onus then is on the work and not the results. If we reward for results and our DC's fail to gain those results they can become all or nothing thinkers.



I think it's trickier than that. Whilst you definitely want to reward the effort (as it is a vital skill to acquire) you cannot not ignore teaching the value of results. Whether you are a plumber, a start-up founder, a musician, a city boy or some sort of manager, you will not get paid or recognised for effort, only for results.

Ideally then, the best would be to have 2 sorts of rewards. One for the effort (possibly just after the exam) and one for the success. This way you reward both aspects of the work done.



Surely if you reward the effort, they will be motivated to always make an effort. If they do this, then they will get the results they need, if they are working on something that is suitable for them. So, in the workplace, if they are in the right job then if they make the same effort that they have always been rewarded for, then they will get the result and the baubles that go with it. We as parents do not need to reward the result, we need to reward the effort so that they put their best into whatever they do. Its up to them to find a job that means their effort yields results, no amount of rewarding results will help that. And in fact, rewarding results may well mean we reward an area where they haven't made an effort which can then lead to a greater shock when they do take a job and not make effort - cue disappointment in results and no baubles.


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