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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:36 am 
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Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:31 pm
Posts: 42
The above title refers to a thread which I posted when our son took his 11+ and I last updated it in 2011. I have not taken up the thread again here as it is very long and it went off track. However, please feel free to look it up if you are interested.

So my wish here is to cut a long story short. We made a family choice not to buy extra tuition to help our son pass his 11+. I made a point to the forum that this was right for us; not necessarily right for everyone. We all wanted him to proceed on his own strengths and merits. I was accused of being untruthful, negligent and leaving things to chance.

Anyway, he passed his 11+, attended a good grammar school and attained excellent GSCE and A level results. He worked very hard and was very committed to his studies. Yesterday, we took him to his place at Oxford University. We are extremely proud of his achievements.

The point of this post? To re-iterate that buying extra tuition is right for some, but not for all. But mainly to say to any disbelievers that yes, success CAN be achieved without it.

Thank you for reading.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:04 am 
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Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2014 7:58 pm
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Well done to your son. I hope he thrives at Oxford and that you don't miss him too much :D


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:12 am 
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Eccentric wrote:
Well done to your son. I hope he thrives at Oxford and that you don't miss him too much :D


Thank you so much. Missing him already!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:13 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:01 pm
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Location: Herts
Well done to your family. Because I have no doubt at all that this was a family effort and what a fantastic achievement.

Nobody needs to buy extra tuition, that is just the same as the work you and your ds did but it is being done with someone outside the family.

Some parents do not have the time or patience to work with their dc so they pay somebody else to do it.

It is not a requirement to buy in help but it is a requirement to do the work and even more so now than eight years ago when your son took it.

Eight years ago you could get into our local selective with marks that now would not get you within 400 ranks of a place.

The pass mark goes up and up every year as does the difficulty level of the papers.

It would be very helpful if you detailed the work you did with your ds at home to get a GS place so that parents could see that natural ability does not get you a selective place but hard work can.

Hard work done with parents is exactly the same as hard work done with paid tutors.

You say yourself he worked very hard and was committed to his studies. This is an important message to parents who have top table syndrome and think their dcs have some sort of important right to a selective place without doing the preparation required.

DG


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:58 am 
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DG,

Well when our ds took his 11+ it was a very long time since either of us studied. The way we helped him was with support, encouragement and conversation. We talked about what he did in school, we urged him to question, challenge and never be afraid of asking for help. He showed us what he did and if there was a piece of work he couldn't understand we would try and help or point him in the right direction. We never pushed him, but he did understand that hard work counts. He also learned the importance of planning and reviewing work. I would love to know how many times we said '........and don't leave it till the last minute!'

The effort needs to be continued throughout grammar school, through consistent application and preparing seriously for all mock and real exams. School reports and indicators mean something, take note! In preparing for exams, he would revise, make notes and then go through the notes with us. He put in lot's of time. If he hadn't done so, his high level of natural ability wouldn't have got him the A's he needed for uni.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:12 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 30, 2013 7:30 am
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Fantastic achievement and a super big pat on the back to your son, and to you!

I do object however, to the inflammatory title of this thread, suggesting those of us who pay for tutors "Buy our way into grammar school" - that is both inaccurate and objectionable. As DAO says, coaching can take many forms and for some of us our children worked better with an outsider than they would have wiht us, and it preserved good family relations! To suggest we 'bought our way into GS' is offensive, even if you claim 'irony' as justification.

Good luck to your son.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:24 am 
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Hi Yamin151,

Thank you for your good wishes.

The title was not meant to offend. It was a genuine question I posed 8 years ago after reading several posts and talking to a number of parents who considered that buying extra tuition was the only way to get a grammar school place. I used the same title today for consistency and in case a reader wanted to look up the original thread.

Perhaps it should have read 'should parents buy extra tuition for the 11+?'. That might be a more relevant title to use.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:36 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 30, 2013 7:30 am
Posts: 2248
Yes indeed. Choices are made for all the right reasons, generally, and one doesn't represent a 'better' way than another. We all want the best and find different routes to help our children.

All the very best to your son, I'm sure he'll love it.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:56 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2014 2:23 pm
Posts: 106
Congratulations. Your son has done really well 11+mum . returned


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 11:01 am 
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Thank you ronkevso :)


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