Anyone else's primary school tight lipped about it all?

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proud mum x2
Posts: 609
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:35 pm

Post by proud mum x2 »

Mel (and everyone!), I fully agree with you WHY do so many people think it is unmentionable,it is so weird... I wish my children's primary schools were like the previous posters,if you want to find anything out you have to research it,which is ok if you find a fabulous site like this,but when my son was in Y5 I couldn't find out much ,so I went direct to the school I wanted him to go to.It would have been more helpful if i could have found some impartial source of info.Perhaps in my area some unseen body is trying to close the Grammars!!(dark forces at work!)
Tracy
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Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:28 am
Location: Bexley

Post by Tracy »

If your child is good at sport- brilliant, if you have one who's a talented artist - lovely, but mention the word 'academic' and 'would be suited to a grammar school' it's like you have committed the worst imaginable crime!
proud mum x2
Posts: 609
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:35 pm

Post by proud mum x2 »

I wonder why that is? it is strange that other talents are openly celebrated,and congratulated, except that!! I don't understand it either,maybe it's jealousy,whatever it is it can be difficult for the children too.I am lucky, in so far as,in my daughter's class she has great friends,teacher likes to put her down at times, but her friends are the best, they all support each other,and there are no problems if one of them is really good at anything,even academic stuff! So,although the teacher leaves a lot to be desired, the kids more than make up for it!
Tracy
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:28 am
Location: Bexley

Post by Tracy »

Although there was very little 11+ advice given by the school, my daughter's teachers were quite supportive of her going to grammar school. Clearly she is so suited to it and she has settled in well and LOVES her new school. The old teachers regularly enquire after her.

My problem is with her so called friends. My daughter was one of the most popular girls in the year yet the girls (not so much the boys) were dumped by their friends when they were not going to go to the local comp.
The parents don't tend to talk to us much either. Jealousy - you bet! They'll deny it of course.

I told my daughter (who just has one true friend remaining from primary) that they were never her real friends anyway. Needless to say she has made lots of friends at her new school.
Road Runner
Posts: 410
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 8:32 pm

Mel

Post by Road Runner »

Tracy

That is such a shame but I can believe it. Unfortunately I think some parents do resent this kind of success(passing the test) and cannot handle it if thier own child doesn't pass so perhaps some of them(and I'm sure it is only the minority) influence the 'dumping'.

I agree that celebrating passing is too out of the question. When my son passed two years ago I felt I could only shout 'hooray' to those whose children also passed and my friends/family. It's just so strange how we almost feel uncomfortable in talking about it. Infact one day a mother of a boy in my sons class asked me what school my son was going on to and I said John Hampden(without the Grammar part) which at the time was far from where we lived(we were moving). She didn't realise it was a grammar school as she asked why I didn't put him in the local comp when it was nearer but instead of me telling her it was because he passed the 11+ I found myself just saying "well we are moving". I told my best friend of the conversation and she asked why hadn't I told her. I said that I was worried she would think me a show off. Now how sad is that particularly when my son did so much hard work in order to pass and there is me worrying about letting the world know!!!

Anyway I think I have worked out the problem. I think the reason why lots of people prefer not to talk about it is is because everyone is worried about failure and so they feel if they talk about thier child taking it they will then haveto talk about the result and if it doesn't go the right way they will feel bad.

Me well I had told everyone my son was taking the test so was ready for whatever outcome. I had afterall told my son that it wouldn't be the end of the world if he didn't pass and I'd be proud no matter what so I didn't want to keep it a secret. The other thing we should all realise children tell each other anyway so most of the time we all know who has or hasn't passed.

I believe the schools should be open about it as in the same way a child who struggles with learning gets the extra help and encouragement so that they can achieve thier full potential why can't the more academic children get the same which is what is given in the Grammar schools.

Needless to say I shall be getting out my 'loud speaker' in the playground soon to announce our intentions with my year five DD.

Best get off that Soap Box now before Somenone pushes me.

Mel
proud mum x2
Posts: 609
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:35 pm

Post by proud mum x2 »

Mel--I won't push you , move over and I'll join you! you have put my thoughts into words so well,I agree with all you said,and it is sad,the same things happened to me<except I say that my daughter is going to the same school as her brother,as it will be easier for transport purposes, all lies, it's one of the best schools in the county,and WE wanted her to go there because we know she will flourish,and develop her true potential,without the fear of being branded a swot. But I can't say it or be proud in public, all behind closed doors. Why are we afraid to tell the truth? I think in my case it's because of the lack of info from the school, so many of my daughter's friends parents,have no knowledge,or experience of the Grammar system, they probably think it's for "posh" people.I told one parent(whose child is very bright)before my daughter took the test, that I knew of a fabulous tutor, who did the job for next to nothing because she loves seeing "ordinary" bright kids the shot at a Grammar education, and she said that if you have to tutor them to get in, then they would struggle when they got there! I wished I'd kept my mouth shut afterwards!I didn't tell her that very few kids get in without help with techniques etc.I just give up!
Bewildered
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Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 2:29 pm
Location: Berkshire

Re: Mel

Post by Bewildered »

Mel X wrote: I believe the schools should be open about it as in the same way a child who struggles with learning gets the extra help and encouragement so that they can achieve thier full potential why can't the more academic children get the same which is what is given in the Grammar schools.
Unfortunately schools aren't open about it as it brings uncomfortable questions to their doorstep.
When parents are open about things in the school yard teachers get asked
questions like " Why is my little Johnny not doing as well as X?", "Her child is already in the top set, they don't need any extra help, mine does.", " Why aren't you doing more for my child, so and so, doesn't need it." etc

Parents wouldn't ask a teacher.."Why is my son not as fast at running as X?"

It appears it's primarily to avoid awkward questions.
herewegoagain
Posts: 104
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 12:10 pm

Post by herewegoagain »

Was talking to my dd about how, if she didn't get into any of the selective schools, she would still do well at the local comprehensive as she would really shine there. She said friends had told her that smart kids get bullied and it would be best for her to make sure she was always somewhere in the middle. I found this so depressing..... :(
Tracy
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:28 am
Location: Bexley

Post by Tracy »

Make room for me on that soapbox!

When I found out my daughter was off to Grammar, I texted all our 'friends' - I use the term loosely - only a few replied with a positive remark/congrats. The rest we don't speak to anymore; they have shown their true colours.
Weasel
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:13 pm
Location: Kings Heath

Post by Weasel »

This forum is the only place I ever get to talk about my hopes for my son's education, too. I don't mind if he doesn't get into the grammar school, but I honestly couldn't live with myself if I didn't give him the chance. Especially given that the local grammar is so close to our house and excellent.

There seems to be a blanket of silence around the 11+ at my sons' school, which is mighty odd, when it is very close to the grammar school. However, not as close as the Comprehensive, which has been built in the primary's playground! Given that the comprehensive boys all stand around smoking and swearing at each other in the primary playground, while we wait for our year 1 children to come out, I decided long ago that my kids weren't going there.

It was not brought up at parents evening until I mentioned it in year 5 and then the teacher just looked incredulous and muttered something about it being our choice. I felt stupid for even mentioning it.

The other parents that I chat vaguely to, clearly think I am some kind of rampaging educational snob for letting my child sit the 11+. They have all chosen their childrens' schools on the basis of which is nearest to their home. Virtually none of them even looked at the Ofsted reports. They seemed to think I was strange for doing so.

I gave up even trying to have a conversation about it, when I asked one Mum, who I'd seen at the grammar's open evening, where her child was sitting the exam (there were 3 sites I think) and she was really sniffy with me and just said that she was not putting him through "that fiasco". Again, I felt stupid for mentioning it. I've had a friend not actually come out with it that she disagrees with me putting eldest forwards for grammar school, but make loads of comments about bullying in the school we are hoping for. Thanks mate :roll:

I've spent ages thinking I was deluded about my child's abilities, because of the luke-warm attitude of the teaching staff, who seem very happy that he just coasts along and keeps quiet, since they are more bothered about controlling the extremely disruptive boys in his class who have been moved to that school because they got excluded from others, or encouraging the bright confident girls. Small, quiet, shy, non-descript looking boys who like reading and just want to be left alone get largely ignored. Yet he's finally remembered what he got in his practice SATs, when I leant on him for the information, and was level 5 for all bar English (this is what he said), which is hardly surprising given his awful handwriting and spelling :lol:

I'm glad I didn't let my experiences put me off. I'm glad my son has had the chance to sit the 11+. But like others, I won't tell people if he gets in, unless directly asked.

And yet I will still go through the whole thing again for my youngest :lol:
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