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 Post subject: Determined daughter!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 11:32 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 11:19 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Lincs
Hi everyone, this is a great forum. Hopefully someone can advise me on this horrible problem. My daughter Yr 5 is desperate to go to her local grammer but I do not think she is able, as she really lacks confidence. She is in level 4 for both maths english, I think at the low end?? I have tried to sway her from this as the other Girls school is great but no she wont be swayed. We have worked through the VR papers and so far she is managing them no problem, not even touched the dreaded NVR!. She cries quite often with worry, about not passing, but still works hard. How do I tell her, without shattering the little confidence she has, that she may not be Grammer school material? The school is no help, they don't give you a straight answer to anything. I feel heart sorry for her because she is such a hard worker, in everything she does What can I do?

Any help would be appreciated.


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 Post subject: Determined Daughter
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:13 am 
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Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:05 am
Posts: 66
Location: Chelmsford
Hi Spongemum

Do you not think that you should let her try? My daughter grew in confidence no end throughout year 5. Your daughter's determination is certainly worth encouraging and whilst you may want to make her aware that she may not succeed, if she really wants to go for it - then I would let her!

Two weeks to go til I find out whether my logic pays off!!!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:18 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 11:19 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Lincs
Thanks Charden, You are correct, I do have to let her try. I guess I am just looking for a majic wand, to ease her pain if she fails. At this moment it is the most important thing to her. I also worry that even if she passes how will she cope at a grammar school?

Just wondering, 2 weeks?? I thought all exams were in September???

Thanks for your input!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 2:57 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2006 3:36 am
Posts: 141
Dear Spongemum
A daughter that wont be swayed, and also works hard.....you are halfway there!!!
Work with her on those practise papers, gently increasing her confidence a little at a time (you know her limitations with work) - you will be surprised at how much they 'grow' in 18 months anyway.
If she really wants to do it, you have to support her, and from your email I really think you want to do that. As for not passing, possibly, well, that is another story and a bridge to cross in the distant future. Your job now, is to have confidence, both in your ability to tutor and your daughter to do her best.
I wish you luck and success - do keep posting and look at your section for more info re the exams.
Good luck!
USA


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 8:03 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:30 pm
Posts: 960
My daughter was borderline - but after we looked round schools, she set her heart on a particular grammar - not even the one nearest to us - which has a reputation for being very academic and fast paced. We went out to lunch, just daughter, her dad and me, and talked about it. We explained that there were some people in her class who would almost certainly pass (she named them and was right!) some who probably wouldn't and some in the middle like her.

We were happy for her to give it a go, but we wanted her to be clear sighted about it, and to be prepared to go to the high school if the worst happened. We also talked about what would happen if she passed and found she couldn't cope in her chosen school. We talked about how she would feel if she passed, if she failed or if she decided not to put herself through the whole grim experience, and went straight to the High School. We said that we would prefer if she went to Grammar school because we felt that it would give her more opportunities, but it might be better if she went for the local grammar, which is less of a journey, and less high flying.

We said that if she went to her chosen school and it turned out she couldn't cope, she could move - but that it's mightn't be a very nice thing to have to do.

Then we let her make the decision.

I think you have to give them all the facts you think they can handle, or even may be a tiny bit more, then let them get on with it. It's so hard when you want to protect them from disappointment. I do hate the system!


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 Post subject: Determined Daughter
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:18 am 
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Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:05 am
Posts: 66
Location: Chelmsford
Hello Again Spongemum

Its the results that come out in two weeks time - its been a long wait!!!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:06 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 1:16 pm
Posts: 12
Location: South Warwickshire
Hi spongemum

I think you should let her continue to work hard and aim for what she wants, may be you could just mention once! (so that she is fully aware) that not even the cleverest of children are guaranteed a place. I would encourage her and praise her efforts and let her confidence build. When the exam is completed and out of the way I think you could then start to gently remind her that it could go either way.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 2:41 pm 
I think given her ambition and work ethic it is important to let her have a go. These two qualities alone will take her a long way. Even if she doesn't get a place at this school, it is important that she feels you have confidence in her abilities and that she will have your support regardless of the outcome. She sounds a great little girl, and I think those of us blessed with rather more laid back boys (polite way of putting it!) would rather envy your task in helping her prepare for the test. :wink:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:50 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 11:19 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Lincs
Thanks everyone. You all seem to know what I am thinking, LOL. I remember being told that once they start school, the real problems begin!!
Soo true! I am going to support her and try to prepare her for the worst outcome, tact is important, as she is very sensitive. She sat tonight and done all of her homework as she said she wanted to have the weekend free to work on the code questions! She done ok on these but she thinks she needs to go over them again. I guess I should be grateful she is a hard worker. Dont you just wish you could protect them from all the dissapointments that will come their way?

Thanks again :D


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 6:04 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:28 am
Posts: 1123
Location: Bexley
Spongemum,

I think that the work ethic is more important than the current grades. Your daughter is prepared to put in the extra effort so let her go for it.
Also, you say she is currently a lowish level 4. Is she one of the younger ones in the class? Remember the 11+ takes age in account. Sounds like she may well have potential.


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