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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 1:39 pm 
Dear Parent's
I am in a bit of a dilemma , as my son is adamant about taking the exams (Yr 8).
he wants to stay in the same school as his frends.
how can i make him understand that this may be a "Better Chance" for him in the long run.


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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 6:32 pm 
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Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2005 11:55 am
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When my daughter was reluctant to study, I pointed out to her that if she wanted to fulfill her ambition of being a vet, she was more likely to succeed by going to a grammer school. I left the decision to her. She made up her mind that she wanted to try for an academic school, even though she would have to work hard during her time there and might not be the "cleverest" in the class (as she is now). We also find that the promise of treats help encourage her to study.
Perhaps look at the school's website, or introduce your son to people who have first hand experience of the school to say what a great place it is! Sadly if your son does not want to go to the school you cannot make him.
Personally I was the only one from my primary to go to a grammer school and I hated it. Some kids I was at primary school went to really poor comps and ended up doing well! I think that peer group can be key in motivating secondary age kids, so if you think his friends will be a good influence why not let them stay together?


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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 7:37 pm 
Nou wrote:
Personally I was the only one from my primary to go to a grammer school and I hated it. Some kids I was at primary school went to really poor comps and ended up doing well! I think that peer group can be key in motivating secondary age kids, so if you think his friends will be a good influence why not let them stay together?


I personally believe , that he does not want to move because fo his friends.
he has great potential but needs to be challenged to achieve his best.
The new school specialises in his desired subjects, but he insists he likes it at his current school.
I am torn between helping him make the decision and giving in to his wants, but what if he starts to underachieve in years to come , because he is not being pushed to do his personal best; how do you make a 12yr old understand that he might have better opportunities (broadly) than in a comp. school?.


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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 8:05 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:07 pm
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Dear Friend

I personally believe we give young children too many choices, choices that a child quite frankly is incapable of making [ they do not fully understand the consequences....they can only see themselves in the 'whats important to me now' situation]

If you believe your child should be in a grammar school, then go for it, persuasion, encouragement, firmness [ with kindness]......not choice.

Working in a 'child environment' has shown me countless children who think they can, more or less ,do what they want.....its my life, my choice, I am allowed to, its my decision.....

This is, of course, a personal opinion and I am in no way assuming you are this type of parent.

Patricia


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PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 8:24 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 13, 2005 12:49 pm
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Location: berkshire
When I first raised the 11 plus with my son it was on the basis that he sat the exam and then if he passed then we would discuss whether he would move.
This was because we are currently in a 3 tier system so all of his friends would be continuing at his current school for a further 2 years and then move to senior school for yr 9.

Once he passed the 11 plus we sat down and talked through why I thought moving to the grammar was the best option for him and persuaded him not to just dismiss the idea.

By the time the offer letters came out he had visited the school, looked at the website and read all the information I could possibly get him.
When I said I was going to accept the offer of a place at grammar school his only comment was "well, I can still see my friends out of school and I will make new ones won't I?"

He went from completely hating the idea to thinking it was a wonderful opportunity in approximately 6 months.

This is only my experience but you are not alone in going through the doubts.
I think I have made the right decision for my child... time will tell.


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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:59 am 
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Dear Friend

On the friendship front.....all secondary schools vary, some will put all children from a specific school together, some will put a few together, others will totallty split them up.

Secondary schools are huge in comparison to primary schools, many junior school friendships disintergrate, simply because there are more/different children to 'choose' from.

Secondary schools understand that new friendships need to be formed, many organize bonding sessions/days. In addition there should be induction days in the summer term.....children get to know each other, the teachers and the school.

Sometimes its better that children are split up into different schools, for example my daughter is still friends with girls that went off to different grammars and uppers......dont see each other in the school environment, less chance of 'falling out'

In other words friends at junior schools are not the most important factor [ even though they think that........ young children find it difficult to comprehend 'the future'......they see it from the 'now' situation.

Patricia


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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 11:32 am 
It is all very well saying that a child is more likely to achieve a particular career ambition (all be it that they are only 10 or 11 years old and things change!) if they attend a grammar school but....

How would parents feel if their children who did not get grammar school places were told "Oh well, bang goes any chance you had of becoming a vet (or whatever) now that you're are in the comprehensive/sec/mod system". It is setting them up to fail to begin with is it not?

We have children in both the grammar school and comp systems and would never dream of telling my comp child that there was no hope of them achieving such a profession because they attend a comprehensive. Indeed, I think the comp in question would have a pink fit!!

Tell your children about the advantages and disadvantages to both types of school and they will not feel that they have let themselves, you or anyone else down.


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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 4:18 pm 
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I agree that if a child is able they can do well, whatever school they go to. However I think that children who go to grammers and especially independent schools have an advantage in A' level grades and getting into University. While saying that, I myself did my A' levels at an F E college and I got into a top university. When I was at University I was amazed at the number of people who were doing my course (law) because their parents thought it was a good idea, and whose parents had paid for tutors to coach them to get their "A" grades! Most of my contemporaries have qualified as lawyers and seem happy enough despite their parents planning their lives for them!

Kids will be spending up to seven years at secondary school. The most important thing is the SCHOOL whether it is comprehensive or grammer. I would be happy for my children to go to a good comp but there is only a choice of failing comps and church schools where I live (we are an atheist family). Hence my daughter will be applying for a grammer place, miles from where we live.


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 Post subject: Response to Nou
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 4:43 pm 
Yes, I do understand what you say, Nou.

I do think that grammars are more likely to have children who have a strong work ethos (or whose parents have one!) and it can be more difficult in a comp because there are children of all abilities and you just dont know whether your child is going to be making friends with a crowd who don't want to work. The adolecent years are very difficult and children who seem good natured and hard working one week can turn into a nightmare the next.

I agree with you that it depends on the school and the child's personality comes into it as well.

By the way, our children in grammar do travel some considerable way to their school and have coped easily with the long days so don't worry on that score.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:32 am 
Patricia is absolutely spot on in this - I'd seriously listen to her!

I passed my 11plus and my best friend failed. I burst into tears and begged my parents not to make me go to Grammar school. They let me go to the local comp and my friend and I were immediately put in seperate classes and never joined up again until the sixth form, and by then we had very little in common and never became quite so close again.

I often have twinges of regret that my parents more or less allowed me to decide my own education...even now, all these years later!

I am a firm believer that bright kids will do well wherever they go - the question really is, 'how well?'


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