Disappointed - Townley

[salsa]

Hi kingsgen,
It is great to see your post. You clearly have a lot of inside knowledge. I think that some new parents would have felt apprehensive when reading about Juan's experience. I think your advice is sound, 'get to the root of the problem and tackle it. Get the school to solve the issue'. It seems that Townley is a good school and worth making the effort for. Girls can be mean too and you don't have to be physically aggressive to humiliate someone.

Juan,

Good luck in advocating for your daughter! You helped her get into the school and your new challenge is to empower her to stay in it and enjoy it.

[mad?]

Hi Juan,
Thank God you are not rushing to make your decision. I am sorry to hear this. This is not what you expect after the hard work of 11 plus. I am a parent and private tutor. My daughter just finished year 11 in Townley and I have students in other years in Townley but I have not receive this type of complaints from any of their parents and I have a very good relationship with these parents, in fact I am still tutoring some of their children as well. I will enquire further from the lower years.
Well I know a comprehensive girls only school in Bexley that worst has happened, police have to be involved. I was told worst things happened in these comprehensive schools as well but we cannot generalised unless we have evidence. I know the level of discipline and pastoral care is higher in one school than the other. For instance, students expelled from one grammar school were accepted in another grammar school not even in Bexley but the two boroughs near to us. You can work this out yourself. I am not just a parent or tutor but a educational researcher and used to represent parents in schools and I can tell you every school has their problem.
Who are your DD's friend in school? You need to know what sort of things they engage in. Why is she the victim? Is she been set up by one of the captains in the group? Is one of the girls in the group has strong personalities? Does she normally say no to them? etc If you can establish the causes, go to the school and meet the learning manager if not satisfy, see Mr. Deenham. Townley has her problem like any other school or grammar. There are some parents that cannot cope with the high level of homework and there are some parents that cannot cope with multicultural composition of Townley etc. Do not send your daughter to grammar school that are on the same level academically with some comps.I do not want to name. Your daughter has worked hard for one of the best. Get into the bottom of the problem do not just leave it.
I have worked in two comps in Medway and Bromley and it is another story entirely. Please take your time to make your decision but investigate the whole issue and take necessary action

Hi Kingsgen.

I don't disagree with some of what you say but I am a a bit confused by some of your points . You said in a previous thread that your DD was at Newstead and your son at St Olaves. Then elsewhere that your son was sitting for Eton. You also say you are a tutor, may I ask which subject and why some of your tutees are still requiring your help post 11+?. Also I am confused about 'worst' happening, I think it is important to ensure that no-one gets alarmed unnecessarily either way so perhaps you can enlighten us about what you consider to be worst and where it was?

[Proudmumanddad]

Hi Juan

I am sorry that your daughter has had a tough year. I have a daughter at Townley, and a second at a Kent girls grammar so I have direct experience to compare, and the support available at Townley is excellent. I can assure you from personal experience (not rumour) and through regular visits during the school day that Townley has a well deserved reputation for a high standard of behaviour among the students. That said, there are inevitably some instances where an individual’s behaviour is out of order. My daughter got caught up in a bullying incident a couple of years ago. It was a grim experience for us and her, but I was very impressed with the way that the school dealt with it immediately, and very fairly, interviewing all the parties involved, and fully involving the parents. They supported both the victims and the perpetrator, and stopped it - full stop.

Year 7 is a challenging year - my girls tended to start in one social group often based on who they met on the taster day, or people around them in form time, then the rest of the year was spent readjusting those groups into social groups of more like minded people. It was also their first experience of a more adult environment. All made more complicated by everyone endlessly texting each other with how they feel in that instant, but perhaps not what they would have said on reflection. I spent time with both my daughters in the first year talking through how words can be misconstrued and getting them to think about other people's perspectives as well as their own (and to take more on the chin rather than reacting back). It is a tough year, and there were some tears along the way due to them falling out with what felt to them like their most important friend in the world. But bullying is a different thing - if you have any worries at all, get straight onto the school. Ring, and they will ensure you get a time slot to come in, or talk on the telephone to someone who knows your daughter well, or e-mail the Head Teacher or the general support number. Townley really does work hard to develop a great relationship with parents in order to support the students - reach out to them and they will help you to support your daughter. It is not an academic factory - it is about developing rounded people to take leading roles in society - they want your daughter to be happy and getting the best out of the school as much as you do.
(And girls do better in girls schools than mixed.)

Fingers crossed for a better year 8

[kingsgen]

Hi Juan,
Thank God you are not rushing to make your decision. I am sorry to hear this. This is not what you expect after the hard work of 11 plus. I am a parent and private tutor. My daughter just finished year 11 in Townley and I have students in other years in Townley but I have not receive this type of complaints from any of their parents and I have a very good relationship with these parents, in fact I am still tutoring some of their children as well. I will enquire further from the lower years.
Well I know a comprehensive girls only school in Bexley that worst has happened, police have to be involved. I was told worst things happened in these comprehensive schools as well but we cannot generalised unless we have evidence. I know the level of discipline and pastoral care is higher in one school than the other. For instance, students expelled from one grammar school were accepted in another grammar school not even in Bexley but the two boroughs near to us. You can work this out yourself. I am not just a parent or tutor but a educational researcher and used to represent parents in schools and I can tell you every school has their problem.
Who are your DD's friend in school? You need to know what sort of things they engage in. Why is she the victim? Is she been set up by one of the captains in the group? Is one of the girls in the group has strong personalities? Does she normally say no to them? etc If you can establish the causes, go to the school and meet the learning manager if not satisfy, see Mr. Deenham. Townley has her problem like any other school or grammar. There are some parents that cannot cope with the high level of homework and there are some parents that cannot cope with multicultural composition of Townley etc. Do not send your daughter to grammar school that are on the same level academically with some comps.I do not want to name. Your daughter has worked hard for one of the best. Get into the bottom of the problem do not just leave it.
I have worked in two comps in Medway and Bromley and it is another story entirely. Please take your time to make your decision but investigate the whole issue and take necessary action

Hi Kingsgen.

I don't disagree with some of what you say but I am a a bit confused by some of your points . You said in a previous thread that your DD was at Newstead and your son at St Olaves. Then elsewhere that your son was sitting for Eton. Also I am confused about 'worst' You also say you are a tutor, may I ask which subject and why some of your tutees are still requiring your help post 11+?. happening, I think it is important to ensure that no-one gets alarmed unnecessarily either way so perhaps you can enlighten us about what you consider to be worst and where it was?

Hi Mad,
To clarify your points,
My daughter was not in NewsteadWood, I was referring to other people's children if I mentioned anything about NW in any of my posts. My daughter attended Townley but I have students in most of the grammar schools around.
Yes my son is attending St Olaves and I have another student there as well. I have also helped people through Private messages and two are in SO already.
My son in SO will be going to Eton as Eton starts in Year 9.
"You also say you are a tutor, may I ask which subject and why some of your tutees are still requiring your help post 11+?". To answer this point, passing 11 plus is just the beginning not the end. I am not just preparing students to pass 11 plus but achieve academic excellence and total education. I do also organise free seminars for parents and students. I do also take students to leading universities like Oxbridge to inspire them etc. I am a community leader and I believe a child is born by one parent but raise by the community.
Hope I have cleared your doubts.

[kingsgen]

Hi Juan

I am sorry that your daughter has had a tough year. I have a daughter at Townley, and a second at a Kent girls grammar so I have direct experience to compare, and the support available at Townley is excellent. I can assure you from personal experience (not rumour) and through regular visits during the school day that Townley has a well deserved reputation for a high standard of behaviour among the students. That said, there are inevitably some instances where an individual’s behaviour is out of order. My daughter got caught up in a bullying incident a couple of years ago. It was a grim experience for us and her, but I was very impressed with the way that the school dealt with it immediately, and very fairly, interviewing all the parties involved, and fully involving the parents. They supported both the victims and the perpetrator, and stopped it - full stop.

Year 7 is a challenging year - my girls tended to start in one social group often based on who they met on the taster day, or people around them in form time, then the rest of the year was spent readjusting those groups into social groups of more like minded people. It was also their first experience of a more adult environment. All made more complicated by everyone endlessly texting each other with how they feel in that instant, but perhaps not what they would have said on reflection. I spent time with both my daughters in the first year talking through how words can be misconstrued and getting them to think about other people's perspectives as well as their own (and to take more on the chin rather than reacting back). It is a tough year, and there were some tears along the way due to them falling out with what felt to them like their most important friend in the world. But bullying is a different thing - if you have any worries at all, get straight onto the school. Ring, and they will ensure you get a time slot to come in, or talk on the telephone to someone who knows your daughter well, or e-mail the Head Teacher or the general support number. Townley really does work hard to develop a great relationship with parents in order to support the students - reach out to them and they will help you to support your daughter. It is not an academic factory - it is about developing rounded people to take leading roles in society - they want your daughter to be happy and getting the best out of the school as much as you do.
(And girls do better in girls schools than mixed.)

Fingers crossed for a better year 8

I do agree with most of the things stated here.

[salsa]

Hi Juan,
Thank God you are not rushing to make your decision. I am sorry to hear this. This is not what you expect after the hard work of 11 plus. I am a parent and private tutor. My daughter just finished year 11 in Townley and I have students in other years in Townley but I have not receive this type of complaints from any of their parents and I have a very good relationship with these parents, in fact I am still tutoring some of their children as well. I will enquire further from the lower years.
Well I know a comprehensive girls only school in Bexley that worst has happened, police have to be involved. I was told worst things happened in these comprehensive schools as well but we cannot generalised unless we have evidence. I know the level of discipline and pastoral care is higher in one school than the other. For instance, students expelled from one grammar school were accepted in another grammar school not even in Bexley but the two boroughs near to us. You can work this out yourself. I am not just a parent or tutor but a educational researcher and used to represent parents in schools and I can tell you every school has their problem.
Who are your DD's friend in school? You need to know what sort of things they engage in. Why is she the victim? Is she been set up by one of the captains in the group? Is one of the girls in the group has strong personalities? Does she normally say no to them? etc If you can establish the causes, go to the school and meet the learning manager if not satisfy, see Mr. Deenham. Townley has her problem like any other school or grammar. There are some parents that cannot cope with the high level of homework and there are some parents that cannot cope with multicultural composition of Townley etc. Do not send your daughter to grammar school that are on the same level academically with some comps.I do not want to name. Your daughter has worked hard for one of the best. Get into the bottom of the problem do not just leave it.
I have worked in two comps in Medway and Bromley and it is another story entirely. Please take your time to make your decision but investigate the whole issue and take necessary action

Hi Kingsgen.

I don't disagree with some of what you say but I am a a bit confused by some of your points . You said in a previous thread that your DD was at Newstead and your son at St Olaves. Then elsewhere that your son was sitting for Eton. Also I am confused about 'worst' You also say you are a tutor, may I ask which subject and why some of your tutees are still requiring your help post 11+?. happening, I think it is important to ensure that no-one gets alarmed unnecessarily either way so perhaps you can enlighten us about what you consider to be worst and where it was?

Hi Mad,
To clarify your points,
My daughter was not in NewsteadWood, I was referring to other people's children if I mentioned anything about NW in any of my posts. My daughter attended Townley but I have students in most of the grammar schools around.
Yes my son is attending St Olaves and I have another student there as well. I have also helped people through Private messages and two are in SO already.
My son in SO will be going to Eton as Eton starts in Year 9.
"You also say you are a tutor, may I ask which subject and why some of your tutees are still requiring your help post 11+?". To answer this point, passing 11 plus is just the beginning not the end. I am not just preparing students to pass 11 plus but achieve academic excellence and total education. I do also organise free seminars for parents and students. I do also take students to leading universities like Oxbridge to inspire them etc. I am a community leader and I believe a child is born by one parent but raise by the community.
Hope I have cleared your doubts.

wow! Impressive Kingsgen!

[Guest55]

OFF TOPIC

Proudmumand dad

(And girls do better in girls schools than mixed.)

There is mixed evidence on this -it is NOT a fact.

[outofboroughmum]

As a Townley parent, I would agree with kingsgen. Townley is a good school. Year 7 is not the easiest year having spent 7 years in the same primary school surrounded by the same friends and possibly teachers. It is a huge transition having to constantly move in a strange & new environment from class to class bogged down with heavy bags, struggling not to get lost & late to class after class, being taught by different teachers, having a lot of homework which you have to remember to write in your planner, surrounded by new faces who are all trying to impress each other. The girls do fall out from time to time & come home with stories about erstwhile friends now turned enemies. My role is to comfort as best as I could. I get mine to text at break/lunch time if she felt the need & I offer word of comfort & advice where needed. The funniest thing is, the same names I had heard as friends then enemies, I later hear as best friends for ever . You have not made a mistake choosing Townley as it is a very good school though there are days when as a parent one might wonder if one had made the right decision based what has happened on the day. I am happy you have decided to stay as you & your DD worked hard for her place there and no one can make you give it up. Year 8 would be better as each class are split in half and mixed with another half from another form for certain subjects. She will have new opportunities of making new friends if she chose to. Before you know it, she would have become a "white shirt" & well settled. All the best for next academic year.

[kenyancowgirl]

To be honest, I think you have described our school experience of year 7 and certainly Year 8 was a lot more settled - we have boys in an all boys school. I think the transition for all kids is hard but harder for some than others. Once all the posturing and position making from children (and, let's be honest, quite a few of the alpha parents as well!) then things tend to settle down more.

[Peridot]

I will second those opinions too here in Surrey. Year 7 is the settling-in year and can be challenging. My daughter has personally been very lucky in her form in that there hasn't been much bitchiness, if any, but there have been problems in other forms as some girls jostle for position. They do seem to have settled now. Some children arrive at grammar having been told by their parents for years how marvellous they are, and there can be some fallout for other children as the cosseted ones realise they don't stand out quite as much in the grammar environment and exhibit tricky behaviour for a while! And yes, as kcg says, sometimes the parents are just as bad. I would do what you are doing and get her stick it out for a bit longer, OP; year 8 should be much better, and if she does change schools she'd have to start all over again in established friendship groups. Good luck.