Feel at a loss - re Personal Statement - nothing of interest

[mad?]

And yes, the behaviour of the helicopter parents reminded me of school open days, thankfully those poor kids will soon be free...ish

[Rob Clark]

You are one of those hugely embarrassing and fussy parents I saw last year with DD

Aren't we all embarrassing, Amber, to our children? I thought that was part of the job description… I refute 'fussy' though DS has been at university for 2 weeks now and I have only spoken to him twice in that time.

I take everyone's point about visiting on an ordinary day being better than an organised trip, but only if DC can arrange to meet at least one, preferably more, of the course tutors. 3 of DS's 5 short-listed choices were hugely affected by the precise content of the course and/or quality of the tutors he met, finer points which he would not have been able to discern without visiting the university.

It is horses for courses, definitely. If DCs want to go on their own and parents are happy to let them, all well and good; I just don't see any harm in parents going too – as long as they're not (too) embarrassing or fussy

[erisindevon]

Gosh! Times really have changed, haven't they

I have a few years to go, with eldest only in Y7, but I remember fondly my own experience of Uni visits. I got together with a friend in Lower 6th, who wanted to visit a few of the same sites of me, although we were looking at different courses. We did an october half term trip to several Unis (York, Oxford, Warwick, Nottingham, Salford, Leicetster, iirc) travelling by train and staying in halls. I got one-to-one time with the admissions tutors, who gave me the tour and a chat about the course. The very idea of my parents being involved would have horrified me - but I suppose being 1st generation higher education, they wouldn't have had a clue anyway.

I also remember making all the phone calls to admissions about my offer acceptances etc, from the Head of Sixth's office.

I know things are different now, and the stakes seem much higher, but I really hope I have the willpower to stay hands-off when my daughter's turn comes, and afford her the same right to her own experience as my parents gave me...

[Guest55]

Things have changed a lot - there aren't many Open Days in Half-term and it would be too late in the Upper Sixth anyway!

http://www.opendays.com/calendar/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I went to interviews on my own including overnight stays when I was applying - no Open Days as such in those (olden) days. There is a lot more information these days but sometimes that makes comparison ever more difficult.

If your DCs request your opinion/input/company then regard it as a compliment.

[Rob Clark]

I may be wrong, but I don't think if you just rocked up at a uni at half-term, you would get to speak to a tutor, let alone be shown round by them! DS went to one city uni on his short-list not on an official open day, and had to make quite a lot of calls first before a course tutor just about agreed to give him 15 minutes. He learnt far more on official open days than he did on that trip.

If your DCs request your opinion/input/company then regard it as a compliment.

Absolutely

erisindevon, what's so great about making them do it on their own if they ask for your assistance? I don't get that at all

[erisindevon]

Of course I didn't just rock up without an appointment!! I had spent weeks researching the courses I was interested in, and made appointments with admissions tutors. I appreciate, though, that in 1990 there were many fewer applicants, so they didn't mind seeing me outside if official open days.

I'm not saying I wouldn't help my kids if they asked for it, but I feel very strongly that the whole process of choosing a uni and getting in is part of the growing up/becoming independent thing. I remember being fiercely independent and feeling that my decisions were really none of my parents' concern, and they were very supportive of that mindset. As I say, I'm not there yet, and I'm conscious that I'm much more involved in my kids' education than my parents ever were. I'm not sure yet how confident either of them will be in Year 12, but I'm hoping I'll have the guts to give them a push so they can prove to themselves that they are capable young adults, rather than children.

Of course, I may well be kidding myself. Only time will tell!

[Amber]

Some offspring are more amenable to parental input than others - I was like you erin, and so is DD. She is happy to discuss things with me but doesn't want to feel that I am 'taking over'. Like you I think there is value in them doing it alone, as we had to and like they still have to in many countries. Personally I regret the fact that there is now a huge open day hospitality industry with seemingly-cloned, smiling students dressed in bright personalised T-shirts giving out maps and information packs to hordes and hordes of parents and teenagers. We came away from the first open day with a goodie bag of stickers, those little fluffy sticky creature things, leaflets about the nightlife, pens, you name it. The actual course talks were, to be honest, rubbish, and there were huge numbers of parents waiting to talk to the only useful staff who were in attendance, while their kids Facebooked their friends in the queue. After the second one I realised it was a formula and you could just change the name on the sticky creatures. Maybe for some smaller unis and some courses it's different - were were looking at Medicine and the medical sciences and it was like queueing for the sales at Harrod's.

I cannot really believe that some of these families have done any research at all but are just doing the rounds of likely places. I actually overheard one parent telling someone (I think it was actually someone from the student union) that his son had always been passionate about Latin poetry but also had a deep interest now in criminal law so was finding it hard to choose.

Rob - if they ask for help then sure; but I am sad that the thing has now become an excuse for a family day out rather than something teenagers do by themselves - with family support of course - as part of growing up.

[SteveDH]

I accompanied my DD on all the open days she went on, and she appreciated the company and probably the transport as we drove to all her open days as in most cases it was a lot cheaper then a train ticket (and she managed to spend most of the journey sleeping).

The open days were useful. She wanted to study mechatronics/ electro mechanical engineering, and after the 1st couple of open days had worked out what exactly it was she wanted in the course.
we went to Sheffield 1st and she didn't like the course at all, after that we Went to Leeds and she liked that. After discussing it with her I found that it was the balance of electrical and mechanical and based on that and looking in detail at course contents and there were only 5 uni's that matched her requirements... so we were done.
I checked and all the uni's invite students who choose them in ucas for post application open days, so we waited for those to make the final choice.
Post application open days are nicer then the other ones as there are less people, and at Leeds DD even got to solder up a nice little gadget to take home...

[scary mum]

I am sad that the thing has now become an excuse for a family day out rather than something teenagers do by themselves - with family support of course - as part of growing up.

We even fitted on a trip to the dentist on one occasion, so killed several birds with one stone
Joking aside, I didn't go to any uni open days, I don't think they had them in the early 80s. I just went wherever offered me an interview (on my own). I think the sheer numbers at them can be unsettling for someone who may still only be 16, so parental support at the early ones is good. I am now ready to let her go it alone, unless it's somewhere I particularly want to visit

[KB]

You can often get access to parts of the 'current student' web at specific Unis and this can provide helpful info module choices, course structure etc. Although increasing numbers are providing this on the 'prospective student' pages as well.

As for parental input, even now I wouldnt make such a decision without discussing it with trusted adult friends so I wouldn't want my 17 year old thinking they should be doing it on their own. Yes it should be their choice at the end of the day but with support and guidance. To do this properly a parent does need to read up and potentially go on visits, although giving them space during the day makes sense of course.