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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 4:23 pm 
Hi, this is a question from possibly the worst mother in the world. Son no. 1 currently doing A2 and has said he 'may' be applying for higher education but won't say anymore 'until after form has gone in and you can't interfere'.

I guess the only thing I can do (apart from tear my hair out) is hope he's made some good decisions and be around to pick up the pieces if he hasn't. Can't help but suspect he's aiming for the uni that is maximum distance from his mum!

Anyone else experiencing this, or am I unique?!


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 5:20 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:29 pm
Posts: 2049
Location: Wirral
You certainly don't sound like the worst mother..

In fact just the opposite your letting him make his own decisions and your say you will be there for him should he did it. :D
Don't be to hard on yourself I'm sure he will do what he believes is right.

I on the other hand may have found the envelope, steamed it open, corrected any mistakes (Wrong course or university) and resealed it.. :shock:
So your not to bad in comparison.. :wink:

AM


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 6:21 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
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Applications are on-line these days - so 'steaming open' envelopes not possible ....


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 6:37 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:29 pm
Posts: 2049
Location: Wirral
That's absolutely absurd!

How is a parent supposed to interfere I mean help?

Note to self: Download spyware to computer!

AM


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 8:25 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:10 pm
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Location: Buckinghamshire
Depressed mum wrote:
Can't help but suspect he's aiming for the uni that is maximum distance from his mum!


I did something fairly similar when I applied for uni (some years ago! :oops:) - I applied for unis that were within reach if the need for a Red Cross parcel should arise, but too far away for the old folks to drop in unannounced! That does not make you a bad mother, it makes your child independent.

Have you considered the possibility that he is planning the complete opposite, which is to study very close to home and continue living with you? :shock:

You might have a conversation with him about the cost of living in various university cities and ask what he has taken into account on his choices. That could open up the discussion a little, when he realises that London and Bangor differ quite significantly!

Good luck Depressed Mum, and please let us know what happens, as I'm all agog!

Sally-Anne


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 8:55 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
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agree that they should be responsible for their decisions at this stage ie course they are studying and to some extent the choice of venue

HOWEVER if they are expecting you to fund itheir higher ed then you should have some say in the whole matter, they have to learn to cut the coat according to the cloth.


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 Post subject: UCAS
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 11:08 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 2:09 pm
Posts: 874
Location: Solihull, West Midlands
It does seem a little odd that he should take such momentous decisions entirely without speaking to a parent at all. What A levels is he taking? Are there any university prospecti lying around the house? Has he been to any open days? Or is he just panicking because he's under pressure form school/college to start thinking about things and doesn't know where to start. A typical boy response might be as you've described.... They seem to have such a short time in the sixth form, and it's hardly got going before they have to plan where to go/what to do next - it can all seem rather overwhelming, especially with the pressure of A2 modules, resits perhaps, driving lessons, 18th birthday parties..... The final UCAS deadline for this year is not for a while (January???) so there is still plenty of time - or perhaps he would be better suited to post-results application - perhaps having done a job for a year. It can be difficult to bring the subject up without putting on more pressure - Did you go to university yourself, or do you have friends who did who might be able to strike up a casual conversation or bring in an anecdote?


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 9:07 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 8:39 am
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Location: Kent- duh!
I wouldn't take it too personally, Depressed Mum.
When it came to deciding where to do a degree, I made that choice completely on my own. I didn't ask for- or want- my family's opinions on where I should go. I simply felt that as I was the one who'd be living and studying there- it was my choice. In those days, I qualified for a full grant, so there was no financial involvement at all from my family and I'd already considered all the cost of living in various parts of the country. I did actually say that the only places that did the course I really wanted were several counties away- and deliberately didn't mention that I could have studied for an English degree at Canterbury- a fairly short train ride away from my home at the time- as I knew they'd want me to live at home and 'commute'.
I didn't tell them the real reason I was applying further away (other than the fact I genuinely loved the place I wanted- which was down in Exmouth) because I thought they'd get the wrong idea and be hurt.
I was very close to my family and knew I needed to learn independence- or I could easily become reliant on them. The idea of moving far from home actually scared the heck out of me- but it was something I felt I really needed to do- to stand on my own two feet and do this for myself. How very life affirming!!!! :wink:
If I'd said all that to them, they would have taken it as me not wanting to be near them- or trying to get away from them! Nothing could have been further from the truth. In the first week I was horribly homesick- but once I settled in I loved it.
I've never regretted the decision and I know I did the right thing- so maybe it's just a case of needing to spread his wings.
Having said that- I just know that I'm going to be exactly the same when my turn comes as a Mum to watch my kids choose somewhere far away!
It's a mum thing!

_________________
Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!!!!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 9:16 am 
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Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:32 pm
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Location: East Kent
I tried to get my daughter to consider St Andrews or even Harvard
:wink:

but for some reason she insisted on being fairly near!!

She's in London , so just under 2 hours.

Close enough ,but not so close that we have tohave her and her washing back every week :P


She did a lot of research and drew up a shortlist herself, but we helped her make her final choice. The school also did a lot of work with them on filling in the form.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:19 pm 
Thank you all for your advice and positive replies. I rather suspect he is doing a 'double bluff' and quite possibly has applied for nothing! Certainly I do think all the decision making is something he finds stressful, particularly as he says 'I'm not particularly good at anything' - this decision reached because he's a good all rounder. I keep saying that there's nothing wrong with one A (maths), eight Bs and one C at GCSE, but he seems to think unless you have a few A*, you are only average. That's the downside of grammar school for you!

He's studying History, Geography and Biology at A2, but struggling with the latter. So, he is doing pretty much what I have advised (or should that say 'interferingly suggested') and is keeping his options open in terms of career options.

School is pressing for UCAS forms by half term, so it is reassuring to know he can go for a later application. I agree, it's a real pain nowadays that you can't steam open envelopes - I have to say, there's only so much you can find out by hunting through jacket pockets ...


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