How do I prepare my child for Eton, Harrow...

Loopyloulou · Post by **Loopyloulou** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 4:11 pm

Yes, I have a friend in reduced circumstances (marriage breakdown) who has a DD at a state boarding school, and it is indeed very good. Well worth considering if you don't have a better alternative available.

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 4:22 pm

I think (correct me if I'm wrong

) that Loopy's comment was in relation to the OP. I do think state boarding schools are very good but if OP does want a school like E,H,& C then she should be aware that a state boarding school offers a completely different type of education to the above-mentioned. With further investigation the OP may well prefer a state boarding education but should not be under the asumption that they are the same.

EDIT: I actually looked round one about 3 years ago and although the facilities were amazing and the extra-curricular was broad I was disappointed at the lack of self-confidence of the children that showed me round and we ruled that school out. I am still open-minded to think another state boarding school would have an ethos and feel that matched my criteria.

mike1880 · Post by **mike1880** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 4:37 pm

I've only looked round one state boarding school, I was certainly expecting much more confidence and esprit than we saw - but then it depends on what you've seen elsewhere. I don't think they were lacking confidence - it's just that we've seen some very self-assured teenagers in the last few months while trekking round all these schools!

Mike

Dolly19 · Post by **Dolly19** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 5:19 pm

I was interested in the reasons given for your child benefitting from a boarding environment.

For what it's worth I would make two points:

1. Friends of mine (of my age) who boarded as children have very distant / slightly odd relationships with their parents now that they are adults. If you are from a family where boarding is the form this may not be the case, but where it's an unusual step my experience would suggest that it's likely that the sent away child will not form the relationships with their parents that others might. Who's going to share their first century in cricket, their first crush on a girl, their first award / detention /etc? It's unlikely to be you and therefore you will not be a key part of these childhood landmarks.

2. Friends with children who have been described as needing constant stimulation have grown out of it. My oldest daughter was exactly the same, but now as an 11 yr old is glorious in her enthusiasm and her ability and motivation to do anything and everything. You'll get through it without sending them away.

Shoot me now...

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:50 pm

Hi Dolly19,

I think boarding schools really have changed so much now. If DS wishes I can take him home every weekend and come and see him play in matches and have tea with him at school on Wednesdays and Satdurdays. His holidays are as follows: 1 month Easter and Christmas, 10 weeks in the summer, 3 one week half terms and 6 four day holidays twice a term plus they usually only have 11 week terms. I have worked out that I see him more hours than if he were at state school.

Boarding schools used to be far more severe with some children not seeing their parents for 6 months, sometimes a year

and only having 1 week holidays at Christmas and Easter. If that were me then I would have suffered from separation anxiety!

The children who tend to suffer at boarding schools are those who feel they have been sent away rather than opting to go - the latter being more common nowadays. Apart from friends I know who are in the forces, every child at DS school has asked to board. I was worried about how DC would relate to me but my kids are actually more affectionate and loving than when they were at home. Maybe they appreciate the time they spend with me, and it certainly is more relaxed as I don't have to do the school run, ferry to clubs, argue about homework. One thing I would say is my boys are more niave and appear younger in some ways. Their peers, who are at day schools, wouldn't dream of kissing/cuddling their parents in public but mine are very demonstrative. Of the teenage kids who board: when I am round at their parents house they are not desperate to go out with their mates and actually enjoy spending time with their parents and other adults. I know by the time I hit 14 I couldn't bear having to stay at home when I could be out doing something else.

I don't think boarding is for every child, although I do think more parents cannot cope with the thought and many kids would love it. As for knowing some odd people who went to boarding school? I think this is more to do with the stiff upper lip society which does not exist in the same way now. Even the way my working class father brings up my brother compared to how he was brought up is totally different. His father was as odd as any old public school boy I've met, my father is not good at showing his feelings (though not as bad as his father), and my brother will be a wet walkover when it comes to his kids!

If I had had my kids 20-30 years ago then I would never have considered boarding as I feel it was a harsh environment. Now it feels like one big exciting holiday, where children have the freedom to roam and take risks in the confines of a safe 100 acre environment. They are free to be creative, independent and free-thinking in the way we probably all used to be - out playing for hours without adults being around to supervise. I think it may be more damaging to our children to wrap them in cotton wool, not let them climb trees or take risks than be at boarding school.

Dolly19 · Post by **Dolly19** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:37 pm

Tipsy, do have a look at what you've written above. It does nothing to give a positive view of boarding I'm afraid. Perhaps it's not quite what you meant....

mike1880 · Post by **mike1880** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:49 pm

Well you've got me baffled. Apart from the horribly long holidays, what's the problem?

Mike

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:31 pm

I'm baffled too but I tend to find those who have the most negative views about boarding have no experience of it - apart from knowing one odd bloke at work! Hardly qualifies, in my opinion!
If my boys ever decide they don't want to board then I will take them out but for now it is more than working. They go back soon but I'll see DC three days later and be greeted with the latest splinters from the den they built and a blister where DS2 burnt his finger trying to light a fire from his Dangerous Book for Boys. Life couldn't be better for them. Its a pity that its difficult to give kids these experiences (without parental supervision) on a frequent basis nowadays unless they live in the country or board.
Was actually told how charming and friendly they were by a group of aqauintances the other day. So if boarding is contributing in a healthy way to their personalities and characters then I'm thrilled.

(Apologies for the gush, but with no information to understand Dolly's post it has created a ramble. Doesn't help they are going back to school and I will miss them.)

Flamenco · Post by **Flamenco** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 1:16 am

T.i.p.s.y wrote:I think boarding schools really have changed so much now. If DS wishes I can take him home every weekend and come and see him play in matches and have tea with him at school on Wednesdays and Satdurdays. His holidays are as follows: 1 month Easter and Christmas, 10 weeks in the summer, 3 one week half terms and 6 four day holidays twice a term plus they usually only have 11 week terms. I have worked out that I see him more hours than if he were at state school.

When I first started on this boarding school episode some years back with my DS, just like any other â€œfirst time buyerâ€

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:39 am

We had the luggage incident too. Three tiny lads opened our car door welcoming us to DS new school and then proceeded to help with our bags! It makes me chorlte to think of DS doing that as he can barely support the weight of his own head!

For what its worth. I went to see papplewick and it is a phenomenal school. It has the best teachers I have ever seen, and the herpetology club is to die for!

Stumbled across it after DS was already at prep school - not that I regret my decision.

Agree Flamenco: I had to put my desires and needs aside in order to let my son have such an amazing opportunity. From how he has already developed and from the kids I have seen come out the other end I know that our decision was right. It is a good balance for us, and imo, the best way for my boys to develop into independent well-rounded (with a backbone) men who still care about their families. That is my job as a mother, even if it is not easy loosening the apron strings.

(This is not implying that if you don't send DC boarding then they won't have these qualities. I am talking about my individual circumstances)