concerned about approach from school

jabber · Post by **jabber** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 6:50 pm

As I've outlined before, we have an appeal for our local grammar school next week and hadn't told our son as the process just seemed so stressful and drawn out and we didn't feel the need to burden him unnecessarily.
Today the grammar school have visited his primary school and have asked him how his appeal is going! He was, understandably, confused and replied that he wasn't appealing. Have now got a very upset lad who doesn't understand why I haven't told him and thinks he looks foolish for not knowing. I am so cross that they didn't think to check with the school who are fully aware that he doesn't know.
Sorry, I know theres nothing that can be done now but I felt the need to vent my frustration with this system!! Roll on Thursday!

huntlie · Post by **huntlie** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:00 pm

I sympathize, totally! We did not tell my GD that we were appealing, and I know my son was terrified that someone at school would spill the beans. Fortunately it looks as though we have got away with it.

sp · Post by sp » Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:17 pm

We did tell our DD that we were appealing as she was so upset not to get a place. However she was told in no uncertain terms that she had done her bit by passing and it was where we lived that was the problem. She had no idea when the appeals were as we didn't want her to worry but we had said we would do our best to secure a place.
I'm sure you've tried to tell him all your reasons for not involving him but if he's anything like my DD then the uncertainty will be heightening everyone's emotions at the moment.
Just reassure him that you are doing your best and you had the best intentions.

Post by **hermanmunster** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:29 pm

Hi Jabber

I think if it was me I would be tempted to make my feelings felt with the school! - would at least feel better if you made your point, ? best done in writing -
Might even do it down the lines of wanting to explain why you son was confused about the questions he was asked and suggest they check with parents before mentioning it to the children!

I appreciate that you might feel you don;t want to stir up a hornets nest but I think it was rather thoughtless of the school to do this.

jabber · Post by **jabber** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:45 pm

You just feel caught at the moment as I don't want to rock the boat with the school. Yet feel its so thoughtless on their part. I think they had his best interests at heart as they were going to invite him into the 'chat' about the grammar school which he now feels he's missed out on. Even then, is it fair to include a child who currently doesn't have a place their? Seems a very odd occurence. As it is, he went to the school he has been offered by and is now enthusiastic about going there!!
Know I just have to focus on keeping us all sane for the next week.

jabber · Post by **jabber** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:47 pm

Apologies for the terrible grammar in that last post - stress is getting the better of me I think!

capers123 · Post by **capers123** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 8:37 pm

jabber wrote:You just feel caught at the moment as I don't want to rock the boat with the school.

You could mention it in passing at the appeal - just so the school knows that you're unhappy. We often ask, as a filler question, if the parents have told their child that they are appealing; it's not a trick question, as there is no right answer.

hilltop · Post by **hilltop** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 8:46 pm

Even if he did know about the appeal, how was he supposed to answer the question about how it was going.

Just1-2go · Post by **Just1-2go** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 8:55 pm

I know a few parents who have appealed without their children knowing, mainly to save the child the double disappointment if it isn't upheld.
No real advice but just want to say that I really feel for you and would be extremely angry in your place.

Alex · Post by **Alex** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 10:04 pm

I would not mention it at appeal as it is not really the appropriate place, however, it would be perfectly reasonable to write to the school and politely point out that your son was bewildered as you had not discussed the appeal with him and although you understand it was done with the best of intentions, it might be something they consider carefully when they go to other local primary schools in the future.