School Reports That Make You Smile, Laugh, Cringe, Cry, etc.
Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators
-
Flamenco
School Reports That Make You Smile, Laugh, Cringe, Cry, etc.
We all get it at least once a year or maybe even once every term – the much anticipated School Report.
It must be quite tedious for teachers having to write such reports for scores of pupils term after term and year after year. Surely, there must come a time when one must have run out of ideas?
But fear not; I’ve learnt there are now software available for teachers to use in writing School Reports. Although I don’t believe for a minute that our honest teachers here at this forum resort to such tactics, I can imagine it must be quite tempting for some others to do so.
That aside, there are indeed some genuinely excellent report writings that I’ve read over the years. One can ascertain that these reports are genuine because they typically reflect DC’s character and attitude. Not only are these reports give an insight into some of DC’s character that we as parents sometimes do not realize exist, but also it’s the way some teachers present these facts that sometimes amuses me.
Today I received DS’s summer term report:
Divinity: He contributed with accuracy and acumen to class discussions, even to the point of knowing that Simon of Cyrene’s son was called Rufus!
Now that really made me laugh as DS doesn’t even know most of his own cousins’ names.
English: He wrote incisively, expressing himself with an easy turn of phrase and making apt use of quotation and relevant detail to develop and support his ideas.
But his conversations with me all along have always been, “Yaâ€
It must be quite tedious for teachers having to write such reports for scores of pupils term after term and year after year. Surely, there must come a time when one must have run out of ideas?
But fear not; I’ve learnt there are now software available for teachers to use in writing School Reports. Although I don’t believe for a minute that our honest teachers here at this forum resort to such tactics, I can imagine it must be quite tempting for some others to do so.
That aside, there are indeed some genuinely excellent report writings that I’ve read over the years. One can ascertain that these reports are genuine because they typically reflect DC’s character and attitude. Not only are these reports give an insight into some of DC’s character that we as parents sometimes do not realize exist, but also it’s the way some teachers present these facts that sometimes amuses me.
Today I received DS’s summer term report:
Divinity: He contributed with accuracy and acumen to class discussions, even to the point of knowing that Simon of Cyrene’s son was called Rufus!
Now that really made me laugh as DS doesn’t even know most of his own cousins’ names.
English: He wrote incisively, expressing himself with an easy turn of phrase and making apt use of quotation and relevant detail to develop and support his ideas.
But his conversations with me all along have always been, “Yaâ€
-
T.i.p.s.y
Excellent report by the sound of it. I am dreading both my boys ones. DS1 puts absolutely no effort in and DS2 has been in so much trouble all term including rolling his eyes at the teachers! 
This was previous DS1's maths report:
He is an anomaly, getting 91% in a senior scholarship paper whilst maintaining a 45% differential in his Year 6 preps.....
Science:
I have come to the conclusion that he views science class as an opportunity to climb up the social pecking order rather than concentrating on the "bonds" between atoms
This was previous DS1's maths report:
He is an anomaly, getting 91% in a senior scholarship paper whilst maintaining a 45% differential in his Year 6 preps.....
Science:
I have come to the conclusion that he views science class as an opportunity to climb up the social pecking order rather than concentrating on the "bonds" between atoms
I am absolutely convinced that our school's teachers have software for the reports. When I read my kids' reports, its as if there is a tick list of attributes available and all the wording gets created automatically. The more individual part of the report comes at the end with Teacher's and Headmaster comments which are usually very positive but not very humorous! 
-
T.i.p.s.y
You are probably right. But if not, even simple word processing can cause problems. Last year part of a sentence referring to a different child by name was left in DD's report by one of her teachers!MortimerM wrote:I am absolutely convinced that our school's teachers have software for the reports. When I read my kids' reports, its as if there is a tick list of attributes available and all the wording gets created automatically. The more individual part of the report comes at the end with Teacher's and Headmaster comments which are usually very positive but not very humorous!
After years of having to write reports out longhand for every single child I really can't blame teachers for using technology to help with the task, however in this case it is very important to check the finished reports carefully to avoid the above situation.
No funny comments stick in my mind, although I remember being described by a teacher as "highly strung". Heck, if they could see me now, forty years and four kids later!
Marylou
These are a few gems!
**** is a highly capable boy but needs to lose his"silly boy" behaviour which is distracting for others and himself. Biology
**** will often miss a vital introduction to objectives or topics by having to disappear to his locker to retrieve items at the beginning of lessons.
Chemistry
Ball skills are not a particular area of strength for **** P.E.
These remarks were from his first report at the end of the first term - the second report is due any day, we are eagerly anticipating the arrival of this !!!!!
**** is a highly capable boy but needs to lose his"silly boy" behaviour which is distracting for others and himself. Biology
**** will often miss a vital introduction to objectives or topics by having to disappear to his locker to retrieve items at the beginning of lessons.
Chemistry
Ball skills are not a particular area of strength for **** P.E.
These remarks were from his first report at the end of the first term - the second report is due any day, we are eagerly anticipating the arrival of this !!!!!
-
T.i.p.s.y
-
fm
They definitely do have software. On Year 6, my daughter's teacher replicated report after report. To be fair, he did change their names--well, actually, he forgot in one report and snatched it back. I am not exaggerating and would have complained had the teacher not been deputy head.
When the children started comparing with each other and discovered the reports were all identical (barring the maths report for those who had other teacher), they no longer set any value on the report whatsoever.
Tipsy is also right. There is a tendency to give glowing but misleading reports to hard working middle of the road and sometimes below average children, leaving their parents to imagine they may be grammar school (and hence beating their way to my door) while the more clever a child is, often the more likely they are to nitpick even the tiniest flaw.
I am afraid my reports are a blunter affair altogether because I don't think it is fair to mislead parents on their chances of grammar school entry.
When the children started comparing with each other and discovered the reports were all identical (barring the maths report for those who had other teacher), they no longer set any value on the report whatsoever.
Tipsy is also right. There is a tendency to give glowing but misleading reports to hard working middle of the road and sometimes below average children, leaving their parents to imagine they may be grammar school (and hence beating their way to my door) while the more clever a child is, often the more likely they are to nitpick even the tiniest flaw.
I am afraid my reports are a blunter affair altogether because I don't think it is fair to mislead parents on their chances of grammar school entry.
