Why do kid make you feel so guilty?

Discussion of all things non-11 Plus related

Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators

11 Plus Mocks - Practise the real exam experience - Book Now
T.i.p.s.y

Why do kid make you feel so guilty?

Post by T.i.p.s.y »

Taking a break from politics but not to cheer myself up.

Just had to get onto DS because he continually loses or forgets something very important or life-saving (asthma medicine) and then tells me he needs it 10 minutes before going to school or he is going to get punished. This time I'm sending him off with his very important homework not done and he got an earful from me and will do from his teacher. I now feel like crap and he is crying. Can some kind person or numpty make me feel better? Tell me I haven't damaged my child for life and that it's right to put my foot down? Please? :cry:
MittenKitty
Posts: 151
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:57 pm
Location: London

Post by MittenKitty »

Hi Tipsy - you know you're right really. It's awful when this happens but we have to go for short term pain over long term gain. If he doesnt start to get a grip now on what he needs to take responsibility for it will only get harder, Cruel to be kind etc etc. All awful when you're doing it and he's crying - give him a big hug when you see him but don't beat yourself up about it - its your job as a parent to be like this sometimes!

Take your lovely dog out and sing something cheerful
Looking for help
Posts: 3767
Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 11:12 am
Location: Berkshire

Post by Looking for help »

Here is the numpty view :lol:

I know exactly what you mean, I have two like this and two over obsesively organised. They need to become resopnsible and you need to help them become so. A telling off won't do him any harm, nor will getting into trouble at school for forgetting his homework, these are the ways that help the child to remember, I think
T.i.p.s.y

Post by T.i.p.s.y »

sigh...it's the fact he's about to go off to school again for 4 days....sigh...
KB
Posts: 3030
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:28 pm

Post by KB »

Tipsy needs a big hug more than DS I reckon :cry:

I'm a big softy but I agree that they do need to learn.
The only thing I would add is that if they are going to/ have got in to trouble at school then leave it to school to deal with it rather than letting it cause upset between you and DS. (Not that I always manage it by any means!!)

Youngest DC is pretty bad too. We have a check list for each evening & for Sunday afternoons to avoid last minute panics.
Does DS have a homework diary so you could put up a list of homework on a Friday night & he can tick off as its done so you can keep track easily?

They do need to take repsonsiblity but most need some guidance in how to manage things so making them keep lists etc ( & reminding them to check them) isn't taking away responsiblty just giving them the tools to get it right!

Hope you feel better soon Tipsy - in my experience the DCs get over this sort of thing alot quicker than we do.
mad?
Posts: 5621
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 6:27 pm
Location: london

Re: Why do kid make you feel so guilty?

Post by mad? »

T.i.p.s.y wrote: Tell me I haven't damaged my child for life and that it's right to put my foot down? Please? :cry:
You haven't and your are right. Doesn;t make it feel any better though does it? :cry:
mad?
T.i.p.s.y

Post by T.i.p.s.y »

Thanks everyone and a very wise point KB about letting the school deal with it from now on. As for homework diary, he may have one but would he know where he left it? :roll:
Freya
Posts: 558
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2009 6:00 pm
Location: Wales
Contact:

Post by Freya »

((((((((((Tipsy))))))))))))

If it's any consolation my DS under similar circumstances tells me, in a rather too commanding tone for a 12 year old, "you're doing my head in, back off"

So it seems we have a choice of either an upset boy or a stroppy boy!

You were right to put your foot down! It does feel awful though doesn't it? When he's a bit older maybe try out the leaving him to it approach and let him feel the consequences (although not with the medication). I've done this a few times with DS and it is having a great effect!

Go and tell Forbes how you're feeling, I'm sure he will be able to cheer you up!
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wyiCN5R/weight.png[/img]
T.i.p.s.y

Post by T.i.p.s.y »

Firstly, Forbes and I are not talking! :x
If it's any consolation my DS under similar circumstances tells me, in a rather too commanding tone for a 12 year old, "you're doing my head in, back off"
The day he does this to me there will be no guilt! :shock:
Freya
Posts: 558
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2009 6:00 pm
Location: Wales
Contact:

Post by Freya »

Well we do hug and make up soon after and very occasionally he will tell me thank you for trying to organise him.

Oh dear - what has Forbes done now??? :shock:
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wyiCN5R/weight.png[/img]
Post Reply