To reward or not reward?

[colchestermum]

Hello everyone

I want to get my DS a reward for all his hard work - regardless of result. I was thinking of tickets to his first concert or something however.....

DH says that it is not fair on our other 2 DC and if I take him I must at least take my DD who is 7. For me, it will then not be a treat just for him. I can kind of see his point, however I really want to have something for him, ready for results day to show him that I am proud of him whatever, so he doesn't think it is just a congratultions or (hopefully not) something to make him feel better for not getting in.

Are you planning anything for your DC?

[push-pull-mum]

We had a 'special afternoon' after the actual exam - DD was allowed to choose dinner and rent a movie. Will possibly do something similar on March 1st. I don't want to plan an outing. If she's got in then she'll be happy enough with that and if she hasn't then a day out is not really going to make up for 11 months of preparation, 3 and a half months of waiting, and a big load of disappointment at the end - and I doubt whether she'd enjoy it. A hug and watching a dvd on a week night would probably be seen as a step in the right direction. Fortunately, her hopes aren't high so I think she's pretty well braced for disappointment.

I remember going as a child to watch Star Trek 3 at the cinema with my sister - we had been sent by my parents to distract her from her disappointment at getting poorer than expected 'A' level results. She is still (nearly 27 years later) a big Trek fan but she never watched that 3rd movie again - she hated every minute of it.

[muffinmonster]

DS has already had the first part of the reward - a family meal out at a restaurant. I think it's fair to include the family but he got to choose. The second part will be a day trip to a theme park - again for the whole family, again his choice. And the reward is not contingent on results. (Though if all goes well, I see another celebratory meal on the cards! )

[colchestermum]

I am now thinking perhaps a new book (he really loves his books!!) and meal out/take away of his choice on results night might be a better plan (and certainly cheaper one!) then!

[inmystride]

Don't really understand this need to reward. Seems the 'reward' is getting a place at the preferred school. My DS is encouraged to work hard on all projects and we certainly don't buy concert tickets etc every time he gets a good grade or tries his best at something. He knows we are proud whatever the outcome and there is less pressure in general if 'rewards' aren't expected.

[pheasantchick]

We gave my son a 'phone after taking the exam for all the work he had put in and then we had fish and chips for passing. We'll probably have a takeaway when the school allocations are revealed also.

[Minesatea]

We also went for the evening out when the exams were over, but have no plans for the result day. I think the result will determine what she is in the mood to do!


My DS claims there are boys he knows at school that were given 2/3 terms of indi fees as a reward for passing their 11 plus!

[colchestermum]

Don't really understand this need to reward. Seems the 'reward' is getting a place at the preferred school. My DS is encouraged to work hard on all projects and we certainly don't buy concert tickets etc every time he gets a good grade or tries his best at something. He knows we are proud whatever the outcome and there is less pressure in general if 'rewards' aren't expected.

My DS is encouraged to do well in everything also and he is not expecting a reward. However taking the 11+ is not the same as doing all his homework on time or to the best of his ability or going to judo every week even when he is tired. It is a big deal a real commitment he has made esp. In the months before the exam when he was doing practice papers instead of playing on the xbox like some of his friends who didn't take it. It has been a stressful time for all of us and I know some of his friends get taken to theme parks and football matches etc all the time for no reason. Unfortunately we are not in the position financially to be able to do that however on this occasion I feel he deserves something to mark the occasion. I do not see anything wrong with rewarding something worthwhile - if he does a particularly good job at school he is rewarded with merit marks. And yes if he gets into CRGS then that is reward enough however there may be only one or two marks difference between getting in and not getting in and if he doesn't get in does that mean he hasn't worked hard enough for a reward? Of course it doesn't!

[marigold]

[quote="Minesatea"


My DS claims there are boys he knows at school that were given 2/3 terms of indi fees as a reward for passing their 11 plus! [/quote]


There have been several threads over the years on this subject with rewards ranging from a laptop to a battered sausage but this one is the most amazing yet. I am speechless.

[anxiousmumof2]

I have promised my DS, again not dependent on result, the new Lego Star Wars game on Wii which comes out on the 25th March. BTW, he is much more concerned about this than the results of the 11+, his countdown is number of days until the game comes out rather than number of days until the 1st March.