Social interactions between parents, host and party guests.
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Daogroupie
- Posts: 11106
- Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 3:01 pm
- Location: Herts
Social interactions between parents, host and party guests.
At my Y8 dd's party her local friends arrived with their parents who came in and said hello to me when dropping off and then again when picking up, thanking me for inviting them and generally being social and pleasant. This is the way it has always been and I was not expecting anything to be any different. To my surprise and puzzlement most of her guests from further afield were dropped off in the car park by parents who did not even come in and say hello. Later on when they came in to pick up they ignored me completely and also went off with their dd's who also did not come and say goodbye or thank me in any way. The very notable exception was her friend from another country who sought me out to say hello and goodbye and thank me. I shudder to think what her parents must think about how these parents behave. She had a party recently and I would assume her parents got the same treatment. Is this normal behaviour? I have never experienced this before and won't be in a hurry to repeat it. DG
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
We've only ever had a daytime celebration and that was at Quasar in Hemel. We didn't meet any of the parents because they were dropped off quite a distance from the venue. The boys were polite and thanked us at the end and a couple of parents texted and said thank you too.
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
It gets worse...
Has anyone watched the teen film 'Project X'?
A must see for all parents with teens having 'a partay'.
Brother is a teacher, and he sometimes gets to overhear everything that went down.
Has anyone watched the teen film 'Project X'?
A must see for all parents with teens having 'a partay'.
Brother is a teacher, and he sometimes gets to overhear everything that went down.
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
I think it's more of a senior school thing, DG, when DD went to senior school I was staggered to find parents of one girl in particular would come to collect her after and evening at our house, or even a sleepover and would phone or text their DD from the car - or even hoot to say that they were there. Maybe some people are just rude. I make a point of going to the door when I go to collect my children, although I must admit at a larger teenage party I probably wouldn't seek out the parents unless they were handy, and may just wait outside, but at a smaller party I would check that my DC had thanked them and said goodbye and speak to the parents if it seemed appropriate.
scary mum
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
I know it was a birthday party, and your children are much younger DG but...
It does change as children grow up.
It's not necessarily a sign of rudeness, but moreover independence. Teens interact and arrange their own social lives, without parental involvement, attending gatherings, meals out, birthday parties, sleepovers etc. You become in effect a taxi driver and fridge filler - that is all. The friends themselves display common courtesies with each other. They become the host - not the parent.
Most of the dozen or so I seem to step over the 'morning after' are communicative and polite. Those that aren't able to talk much are duly laughed at - I mean forgiven. And I really don't need, or want, to meet their parents and have them 'thank me'. Thank me for what? What has it got to do with me? Nothing.
They become independent - a host in their own right. The relationship is between my children and their friends. Not me, nor the other parents. I trust them to be polite and courteous and not to get so plastered they vomit at someone else's house!
But then mine are older...
It does change as children grow up.
It's not necessarily a sign of rudeness, but moreover independence. Teens interact and arrange their own social lives, without parental involvement, attending gatherings, meals out, birthday parties, sleepovers etc. You become in effect a taxi driver and fridge filler - that is all. The friends themselves display common courtesies with each other. They become the host - not the parent.
Most of the dozen or so I seem to step over the 'morning after' are communicative and polite. Those that aren't able to talk much are duly laughed at - I mean forgiven. And I really don't need, or want, to meet their parents and have them 'thank me'. Thank me for what? What has it got to do with me? Nothing.
They become independent - a host in their own right. The relationship is between my children and their friends. Not me, nor the other parents. I trust them to be polite and courteous and not to get so plastered they vomit at someone else's house!
But then mine are older...
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Daogroupie
- Posts: 11106
- Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 3:01 pm
- Location: Herts
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
Thank you. It seems that some people are just rude. I would not dream of ignoring the hosts or letting my children do so. But then I would be amazed to hear that they had done so as it would be an automatic thing for them to seek out the host and thank them and also thank the student. They would never arrive or leave a party without first speaking to the host. Dd was also surprised that some guests thought it was ok to waste the food and drink provided. It has shown her another side to some of them which she is not that comfortable with. DG
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
I agree, Belinda, it is less appropriate as they get older, which is what is now happening with DD. I won't be following her to uni to thank her friends for having her for a sleepover
scary mum
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
At my DDs 10th birthday party last year, there was a knock on the door and as I opened it a car drove off. One of DDs friends had turned up... With little sister in tow.
"Is it Ok if my sister comes too, because my dad can't look after her." As if I had a choice in the matter, the father had just driven off. Didn't even leave a contact phone number. At picking up time, the only reason I knew he was there waiting was because one of the other mums had turned up. He was parked up before she had arrived. He just expected the kids to be kicked out when he arrived. Since we were all in the back garden he could have waiting a while. Didn't even bring a card.
Talking to other mums, this is typical behaviour. At least one other party has had get sister has been dumped on the birthday girl's parent in a similar manner and they are expected to know when the father is outside to send the girls out.
Strangely none of the girls invite her to birthday parties any more. She certainly isn't invited to DDs party this year (mainly because this girl barely talks to my DD any more but that is another story)
Teenagers being dropped off and picked up without much interaction between parents is one thing, but in my case the girls were 10 and the sister was younger.
"Is it Ok if my sister comes too, because my dad can't look after her." As if I had a choice in the matter, the father had just driven off. Didn't even leave a contact phone number. At picking up time, the only reason I knew he was there waiting was because one of the other mums had turned up. He was parked up before she had arrived. He just expected the kids to be kicked out when he arrived. Since we were all in the back garden he could have waiting a while. Didn't even bring a card.
Talking to other mums, this is typical behaviour. At least one other party has had get sister has been dumped on the birthday girl's parent in a similar manner and they are expected to know when the father is outside to send the girls out.
Strangely none of the girls invite her to birthday parties any more. She certainly isn't invited to DDs party this year (mainly because this girl barely talks to my DD any more but that is another story)
Teenagers being dropped off and picked up without much interaction between parents is one thing, but in my case the girls were 10 and the sister was younger.
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
Agree with Belinda - "we" hosted an 18th a couple of weeks ago, really DD hosted it. Those we met during the party ... normally as they went looking for the loo or we replenished the bar were polite but not overly chatty. I know a number of parents did pick up/drop off - I waved at one (we know very well!) as I was adjusting outside lightling- that was it.
Your DD at Yr 8, is in the somewhere in between stage- some parents "let go" earlier than others. DD's friends thanked her as they left and I know a number contacted her later via FB, text etc. She was the hostess .
Regarding general rudeness I totally agree with you DAO - but I have also learnt how much our own DC learn from "poor" behaviour of others. They have learnt that not replying, arriving very late and other bad habits are both annoying and plain rude. Although we have hopefully taught them this over the years they have learnt more having been on the receiving end of both "good" and "bad" than we could ever teach/nag them about .
Don't not host things again though as teaching our DC the skills and confidence to host "events" is an important task for parents. Invariably they will need to host in the future whether it be business meetings, work parties, conferences, family parties etc.
Your DD at Yr 8, is in the somewhere in between stage- some parents "let go" earlier than others. DD's friends thanked her as they left and I know a number contacted her later via FB, text etc. She was the hostess .
Regarding general rudeness I totally agree with you DAO - but I have also learnt how much our own DC learn from "poor" behaviour of others. They have learnt that not replying, arriving very late and other bad habits are both annoying and plain rude. Although we have hopefully taught them this over the years they have learnt more having been on the receiving end of both "good" and "bad" than we could ever teach/nag them about .
Don't not host things again though as teaching our DC the skills and confidence to host "events" is an important task for parents. Invariably they will need to host in the future whether it be business meetings, work parties, conferences, family parties etc.
Re: Social interactions between parents, host and party gues
Picking up on an earlier comment about 'leftover food' and drink, what is the official etiquette? Anyone know?
I'm the opposite; If we hosted, and there was too much food, we accept that this was 'our oversight', as hosts, in providing too much as opposed to the guests being rude not finishing it off. As hosts, we see it as our duty to provide for the comfort and well-being of our guests, and too much (or too little food) is our 'mistake', and we would be concerned for any discomfort our guests felt, regardless if whether there was too much or too little. I wouldn't want my guests to feel sick in being polite. Not that any of them would!
Hosts make mistakes - not guests, wouldn't be far off the mark in our attitude to partays.
In the most part there is always too much and people take some home with them, at our offering, or it goes in the fridge to be nibbled at.
Same applies to drink, most people are conservative in their intake and there's usually unopened bottles. Again, at our offering, people take it back home with them, some kindly, politely, say keep it. As a guest, I always leave excess drink we've brought if it has not been used for the hosts to have another night! What does everyone else do? And is there a correct etiquette other than to provide comfortably for, and 'please' one's guests?
I'm the opposite; If we hosted, and there was too much food, we accept that this was 'our oversight', as hosts, in providing too much as opposed to the guests being rude not finishing it off. As hosts, we see it as our duty to provide for the comfort and well-being of our guests, and too much (or too little food) is our 'mistake', and we would be concerned for any discomfort our guests felt, regardless if whether there was too much or too little. I wouldn't want my guests to feel sick in being polite. Not that any of them would!
Hosts make mistakes - not guests, wouldn't be far off the mark in our attitude to partays.In the most part there is always too much and people take some home with them, at our offering, or it goes in the fridge to be nibbled at.
Same applies to drink, most people are conservative in their intake and there's usually unopened bottles. Again, at our offering, people take it back home with them, some kindly, politely, say keep it. As a guest, I always leave excess drink we've brought if it has not been used for the hosts to have another night! What does everyone else do? And is there a correct etiquette other than to provide comfortably for, and 'please' one's guests?
