10/11 year olds finding it hard to get to sleep

[Yamin151]

Anyone else have a dc who often struggles with going to sleep? One of my ds often wanderingtnecorridor upstairs, wondering when I will be coming up to bed if dh not here, but even if he is, bit anxious I think. This isn't all the time, but almost always pops down at least once after lights out (8.30) and then occasionally, like now, two nights in a row still awake at 10.30pm. I guess it's hot at the mo.......

[aliportico]

The heat never seems to help here. A not-too-hot bath before bedtime to lower one's temperature can be helpful.

I used to suffer with not getting to sleep when I was that age, and for me and my kids it's usually that our minds are still active. I find doing some sort of puzzle (e.g. http://www.calcudoku.org) is often the best thing for me. Or reading some heavy-going non-fiction. So this is what I would offer my kids if they're not dropping off, and it usually works.

These days I don't turn off the light until I am falling asleep, and usually I then go straight off. If I end up lying there awake for even 5 minutes I tend to get frustrated and will put the light back on and something.

But of course different people are kept awake by different things. If your ds is a bit anxious, maybe you could find something that needs doing upstairs after he has turned his light off, so he can hear you pottering about? Might help him relax? (I remember doing that when mine were younger if they wanted me to stay with them for ages - "I just need to go and do x, I'll come back in ten minutes".)

[scary mum]

I had terrible trouble with one of mine at this age, and I was quite anxious about it. In the end I realised that he wasn't actually tired at 8.30 or 9pm or whatever it was. He slept much better once I wasn't nagging at him to go to sleep. I understand that we fall asleep as our bodies cool down, so, yes, a bath about an hour before bed is a good idea. I used to stroke his hair to help him relax, but of course these days I'm barely allowed in his room . And all the obvious stuff about electronics, TV, nice dark room etc etc.

[Yamin151]

The heat never seems to help here. A not-too-hot bath before bedtime to lower one's temperature can be helpful.

I used to suffer with not getting to sleep when I was that age, and for me and my kids it's usually that our minds are still active. I find doing some sort of puzzle (e.g. http://www.calcudoku.org) is often the best thing for me. Or reading some heavy-going non-fiction. So this is what I would offer my kids if they're not dropping off, and it usually works.

These days I don't turn off the light until I am falling asleep, and usually I then go straight off. If I end up lying there awake for even 5 minutes I tend to get frustrated and will put the light back on and something.

But of course different people are kept awake by different things. If your ds is a bit anxious, maybe you could find something that needs doing upstairs after he has turned his light off, so he can hear you pottering about? Might help him relax? (I remember doing that when mine were younger if they wanted me to stay with them for ages - "I just need to go and do x, I'll come back in ten minutes".)

I am certainly coming round to the just read until you feel sleepy thing. It's always been lights out and that's it, but if you can't get off to sleep its horrid lying there in the dark. He is pretty good then, though given any glimpse of a chance he will come downstairs, so have to be firm. Same with hanging around upstairs, there is a history, we are in a better place than we ever have been, but that is not something I could do, but certainly agree about light on until sleepy. Thank you

[Yamin151]

I had terrible trouble with one of mine at this age, and I was quite anxious about it. In the end I realised that he wasn't actually tired at 8.30 or 9pm or whatever it was. He slept much better once I wasn't nagging at him to go to sleep. I understand that we fall asleep as our bodies cool down, so, yes, a bath about an hour before bed is a good idea. I used to stroke his hair to help him relax, but of course these days I'm barely allowed in his room . And all the obvious stuff about electronics, TV, nice dark room etc etc.

The thing is I think he IS tired, but his brain won't switch off. They have a pre bed shower and no tv or screens in rooms or in hour leading to bed. I think you are right hat if he sees I am stressed about it though, it just makes it more stressful for him too. So gentle light on, reading if he wants, no stress, don't worry about it, and hopefully that will help. Thank you

[kenyancowgirl]

We had a similar issue with ds1 at this age. Fundamentally I think it came down to the fact that he was getting older and able to stay up later. Not a bad thing to adjust to a later bedtime now, ready for secondary school in Sept as, with buses bringing them home, after school clubs and homework, I doubt you will fit all that and dinner in before an 8.30 bedtime, whilst still giving them chill out time.

[Yamin151]

We had a similar issue with ds1 at this age. Fundamentally I think it came down to the fact that he was getting older and able to stay up later. Not a bad thing to adjust to a later bedtime now, ready for secondary school in Sept as, with buses bringing them home, after school clubs and homework, I doubt you will fit all that and dinner in before an 8.30 bedtime, whilst still giving them chill out time.

Really?? Aaggghhhh, and actually it's more like 7.45 when we go up because we still like to read to them, then give them time to read alone and chill out. Sigh. Remember the days when they were asleep by 7 and I was down on the sofa drinking a glass of something jolly and watching Scrubs...........

[fairyelephant]

I had this with DD and to an extent it is still going on in year 7..... she just doesnt need to go to sleep until about 9.45 I reckon, sometimes later, although like you Yamin151 I prefer her to be upstairs but we have altered bedtime now for both DC (years 7 and so that we DP eat about 7.15 when DH comes home and chat to the DC, then DC go upstairs about 8/8.30 on a school night, 9.30 at weekends. They are still up with the lark (6.45). We still read to them (!) so yes the evening is over............ DD patters about upstairs and sometimes pops down to share the latest anxiety , DS drops off as soon as his head hits the pillow! It wasn't helped by an officious Head of Year 7 saying that you must be in bed by 8.30, and if you weren't you wouldn't be fit to learn. I just had to tell her I knew her better than HoY, as the anxiety from not doing it was keeping her awake, oh irony!

[southbucks3]

We had a similar issue with ds1 at this age. Fundamentally I think it came down to the fact that he was getting older and able to stay up later. Not a bad thing to adjust to a later bedtime now, ready for secondary school in Sept as, with buses bringing them home, after school clubs and homework, I doubt you will fit all that and dinner in before an 8.30 bedtime, whilst still giving them chill out time.

Really?? Aaggghhhh, and actually it's more like 7.45 when we go up because we still like to read to them, then give them time to read alone and chill out. Sigh. Remember the days when they were asleep by 7 and I was down on the sofa drinking a glass of something jolly and watching Scrubs...........

Don't worry, in no time at all you will go to bed before them, and just be shouting night night through closed doors and a set of headphones bolted to their ears in their room.


The anxiety sounds separation anxiety to me, maybe worried about big school already?
Youngest has the radio on until we go up, like a puppy home alone He has also taken to sneaking a cat in of late....banned! Eldest, anxy, teenage boy will often look in on us at stupid o'clock just to say he cannot sleep.
I think they just have too much imagination, too many hormones and its hot and sunny outside.

[Yamin151]

I had this with DD and to an extent it is still going on in year 7..... she just doesnt need to go to sleep until about 9.45 I reckon, sometimes later, although like you Yamin151 I prefer her to be upstairs but we have altered bedtime now for both DC (years 7 and so that we DP eat about 7.15 when DH comes home and chat to the DC, then DC go upstairs about 8/8.30 on a school night, 9.30 at weekends. They are still up with the lark (6.45). We still read to them (!) so yes the evening is over............ DD patters about upstairs and sometimes pops down to share the latest anxiety , DS drops off as soon as his head hits the pillow! It wasn't helped by an officious Head of Year 7 saying that you must be in bed by 8.30, and if you weren't you wouldn't be fit to learn. I just had to tell her I knew her better than HoY, as the anxiety from not doing it was keeping her awake, oh irony!

My birthday, so sorry even out, though it did consist of meeting ds1 next headmaster first!!

Your ds sounds a bit like ds1, my mum used to call it the "ums", come downstairs and think of the reason why once you get down!! Yes, ours are up at that early time too. And yes, our other ds (twin) much less anxious and almost never comes down. We had some really tough years with ds1 overnight, so we are glad that this seems to have resolved, more or less I think, but still any sleep issues plug straight into the emotions of those tough times, so I guess my concern is coloured with that.
Thinking we will try to move dinner from 6 til 7, though how we will get through from snack to tea I don't know, as ds1 takes food like sticks on a fire and always ready for more but if we give it he doesn't eat dinner! Also, dh works long shifts so a workday means we cannot ever eat together all four of us, which is a shame.
Can completely see how hoy saying about having to be in bed asleep would send your dd into spin of anxiety. And that just makes it worse doesn't it? You cannot force it. Bt we do like at least some of the evening until, as I tell them, them being up doesn't necessitate me 'processing' them in some way to the next stage, or breaking up more little boy type squabbles.