Vilification of going independent route

[PettswoodFiona]

I have a daughter in an independent primary as whilst the local schools are good, she is so bright she needs that extra stretch. We are hoping for grammar at secondary as our financial resources don't stretch to the continuing paying for fees and our main reason for moving her was being with similar ability children anyway.

However we are exploring independents that can help with fees too. Am I the only one who finds themselves having to apologise to people that their child is educated privately? I do not mix in wealthy circles which exacerbates it, but most of my friends who know my daughter are not at all critical - it is more people in other circles who don't know my daughter but will bash on about how parents who privately educate are selling out and selfish, the media and the system itself that says that a privately educated child should get better results at A-level etc. Why is the answer that I am just doing the best for my child not deemed acceptable?

Any survival tips that don't involve just not mentioning the subject at all?

Thanks, just feeling down about a few really nasty comments recently so would welcome any advice at all.

[salsa]

Hi. You shouldn't need to apologise. You know your daughter best and are doing what you think is best according to your resources and schools around. If there is any consolation, if people are judgemental and intolerant, they will criticise you no matter what. It happens to many of us for putting our children at grammar school. Basically anything which is not the local school. 'Why should your child be any better or need any more than mine' they may imply with their comments. Well, given the opportunity they may choose differently for their children. I've heard many people being so anti selective schools and when they have their own children they put them in one! The one that comes to mind is Diane Abbot, the labour MP. She's been so vociferous against anything other than the local school. She criticised Tony Blair for putting his son at the sought after Catholic school The London Oratory. Criticised another colleague for putting her child at a grammar school. Where did she put her son? The City of London school! I don't blame her, it's a fine school! Mind you, she was brave to put him there after all she said, I respect her for that!
Head high, you know your child and your situation best!

[PettswoodFiona]

Thanks Salsa, wise words. It was hard recently when someone told my daughter that if she did get into grammar then she wouldn't really know if it was all down to her ability or the advantage she got from being at an independent school - by all means say it to me, but not a ten year old child!

[hermanmunster]

People will always do this - I had it as a kid (at a church school) as a teenager (getting into a selective senior school), with my kids (at private primary, not the local primary and later at Grammar).

Best to let your daughter know that some people have chips on their shoulder and will say odd things which are best ignored. If they tables were turned, they may well do exactly the same as you.

[PettswoodFiona]

Thanks Herman, sadly so true, yes with privilege goes responsibility and dealing with the opinions of others is actually a great skill that inadvertently has to be honed sooner rather than later.

[salsa]

I told my son that I would do all I could to get him into the best school available to us. The rest was up to him. He now has to do his bit, take the responsibility and study. People will judge him even harder if he doesn't achieve his potential. It won't be easy. So, it's not an easy route.

[salsa]

Oh, I remembered listening to the Moral Maze a while back when they discussed private education. Here is the link which you may find interesting. There are very good arguments made, but above all, you can see the passion the issue provoked.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01qmb0g" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[PettswoodFiona]

Salsa, if everyone in the world were as considerate as you it would be a very lovely place indeed - thank you.

[Guest55]

I'm sorry but you do need to realise that some people think private school should be closed - then they feel that politicians would HAVE to put more money into schools.

There are many good primaries that can differentiate and ensure all children do well - mixed ability can, as research has proved, actually improve outcomes for all children.

It's exactly the same as people criticising choice of holiday, car, etc - try to ignore as it won't go away.

[salsa]

Thanks!