11+ stress

helen61 · Post by **helen61** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 4:06 pm

Hi
Am new to this and am hoping for some positve ideas to share with son. Has been studying and doing really well in VR and NVR tests when done at home or with tutor, either 1:1 or with one other child. Last week to replicate test conditions (!) he did it with 5 other children, and came out 20% down, saying that he found it really stressful with others. I am trying not to tear my hair out and not worry him, but am thinking how will he be in a large hall/classroom with loads of strangers!!! Any ideas gratefully received.

thanks.

Helen

Bougalou · Post by **Bougalou** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:08 pm

Just tell him to do the best he can, and make a note if he tells you he was anxious in the actual exam, so you can bring it into an appeal if necessary. If he is feeling very bad, then he should tell someone whilst he is taking the test, and this will be recorded and then reported if necessary. It is very difficult to keep our DC feeling happy and stress free during this time, but if you remind him how hard he has been working, and how proud you are of him, perhaps that might help him to feel less anxious.
How many times does he take the exam? My DC took three and we had a kind of ritual the night before, bath, hot chocolate with marshmallows etc etc. My youngest still got very nervous before both the "real" tests and was very upset despite all this, but at least we were able to get her to relax the night before and the period in between.
Not sure if this is reassuring or not, but I'm sure he will be able to relax a little with your support. You may find that now he has had a chance to practice under exam type conditions that he feels more prepared for the nerves next time.
All the best
bougalou

essex-mum18 · Post by **essex-mum18** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:43 pm

Before my son took the 11+ exam last year. We had a little talk. I told him that he might get quite nerous on the day of the exam but this was absolutely normal. The other children would be nervous too.

I told my DS,'' This happened to me (an adult) when I had a job interview or before the driving test. When I got nervous, I took 2 deep breaths and told myself to focus. I felt better. You should do the same if you got nervous during the exam. ''

He took that on board and told me that he actually took some deep breaths during the exam when he got a bit nerous and then focused again.
It seemed to work for him.

All the best.
Essexmum 18

Sally-Anne · Post by **Sally-Anne** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:43 pm

Hi Helen61, and welcome to the Forum.

Very good advice from Bouga, as always.

I would also talk to him about what he finds so stressful about being among the other candidates.

Does he watch how far on in the paper they are, and become intimidated by that?

Was he more conscious of the clock? Perhaps he has used a digital timer until now, so the clock face is more alien?

I think you might find that there is something specific at the bottom of this.

I hope you get it sorted out.

Sally-Anne

surreymum · Post by **surreymum** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:36 pm

It might help to do more practice with other people.

Last year we always arranged to travel to the exam with a friend (we had to sit 3) and had a treat arranged afterwards, so he actually ended up looking forward to the day. It also meant they couldn't have a postmortem about the test afterwards which I always hate when you can't do anything about it.

I am afraid we also broke all the rules about breakfasts and food and I let him choose his breakfast. The final 2 exams he had fried eggs on toast and went off to the tests laughing with his mates!

Do let him know how important it is to let the invigilator know if there is a problem during the test. One of my sons sat directly under a flickering light all day during a test-first thing he said when he came out, said it was awful and he couldn't concentrate, but said nothing in the room!

blackwellmum · Post by **blackwellmum** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:45 pm

We were concerned that dd would be very anxious and managed to accidentally come across a website that offered mock tests. Sound very precious but it was the best Â£30 ever spent. Daughter got the nerves over with and this saturday went to her worked for it, but I feel that she gone through the nerves at the mock test which definately was an advantage for her. We also arrived early to the test, with a flask of hot choc and a high school musical magazine to read. There were parents still tutoring before thy walked into the test. How sad is that!!! Make sure too that the children know its not the be all and end all of life. the pressure can just be too much otherwise.

helen61 · Post by **helen61** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 1:06 am

Hi all

Thanks for all your replies, will take them on board.

Helen x