At what do you give Up?

[serialtester]

I don't dispute the advice, only the initial assumption that everyone has a school in which guaranteed a place and with which they are happy. And just to complicate things, Miss 1880 has already had some contact with our best last choice and has own mind firmly made up, long before we've been anywhere near it and had a chance to put a positive spin on it.

Sometimes though we have to adjust our sights and maybe accept that our children will have to attend a school which doesn't tick many of our boxes.

My son will be attending a school which, if you judge by league tables and local gossip, is not 'good'. A few years ago I was very much of the opinion that he would never in a million years attend that school.

However, he was always very borderline with regard to the 11+, and over the past year it has become ever more apparent that he simply would not cope with the pace of a grammar environment.

And going down the private route is simply not an option for us. Unless we lived in our tent, stopped eating and the kids stopped growing!!

So at the start of this process I had to accept that he would be going to the local 'borstal' and make the best of a bad job. I visited the school, spoke to the head and other staff members and had a few good looks around it. And then I took my son around it and he went from being very reluctant to even consider the school to actively liking it.

My plan is to be involved with the school as much as possible, to play an active role in the PA and I intend to (hopefully) join the team of governors.

If I had maintained my expectations and had gone down an appeals route or joined in the desperate scramble that's going on amongst my sons peers at the moment for private places then we'd be in a whole world of stress at the moment instead of planning for and looking ahead to September.

It's very easy (and I know because I've done it myself!!) to dismiss what are perceived as 'bad' schools, because they are for 'other' children - children not as clever, sensitive or middle class as our own. But... at some point you (a generic you) might have to accept that your child is one of these 'other' children.

And that is what qualifies my above post.

Some of the reactions to my sons school allocation have been quite interesting and amusing - I'm sure that some people think that his school experience will be like the film 'Scum'

ps. I also agree with the comments regarding FM!!

[fimbles]

I completely agree with Serialtester's comments. My son did not make it for the grammars, but then we did not do much preparation so i was not too disappointed. His score was not too bad either, so i was pleased with that.
He will also be going to the local 'bad' school. He is a bright lad doing really well at his junior school and i am sure that with support from home he will do well at his local secondary school. I am also keen to be involved with the school as much as possible.
A few other parents i know did not put their local school on the admission form and are now faced with the prospect of going through the appeal process because the LEA has allocated a school of their own choice which is even worse than the local schools.
I think at the end of the day if children have good support from home and are involved with the school regarding their childs progress there is no reason for them not to do well.

[confusedmom]

I feel very humble writing a comment after any of FM's but agree with all thats been said.
2nd DD didn't make it - did really well in my eyes but isn't the sort of child that a Grammar school is meant for, and that can be hard for any parent to realise but it is best that parents do.
A happy child is the key to success.
Many people think that those of us making these comments are through gritted teeth.
But I have a DD at KEFW.
Neither of my daughters are better than the other just different , thank goodness.
For those embarking on this trip please try and stay as calm as you can about the process.I truly gifted child should with some help in the timing and technique SHOULD do well but parents should be truthful with themselves.
Many thanks for all the support over the years, I done both DD now and glad its over.

[mike1880]

Many people think that those of us making these comments are through gritted teeth.

It's salutory to hear from everyone who has had the choice to make, thank you for posting.

Mike

[confusedmom]

Dear Mike and for anyone else,whilst at a close friends house my godson was heard to say how terrible it was that our DD was going to go to a school which she doesn't want to go to.
This put into it's true light as its not my DD but me who wants her to go to a "better" school she is quite happy with the choice she has been given.
There are many many people with their lives on hold and who are really upset with things that are out of their hands.
There has to be a point where life continues and we move on..... for all our sakes.

[serialtester]

A girl in DS's class told him last week that her mum had said that DS1 would probably get stabbed at his new school!!

He deadpanned back "I'm more likely to get shot actually..." (the school has a cadet force)

[confusedmom]

I blame the parents!