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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 10:55 am 
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Eldest son in KES and very happy there and thriving from being a shy boy who didn't put himself forward. Didn't score high enough for KECH. It was the right decision for him.

Son no 2 has scored well enough for KECH boys - do other people have one in grammar and another in private? What do people think?

Son no 2 naturally a bit it more confident. I am considering going part time if I can send one to grammar. Both at KES would require me to continue to work.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 11:04 am 
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sxa350 wrote:
Eldest son in KES and very happy there and thriving from being a shy boy who didn't put himself forward. Didn't score high enough for KECH. It was the right decision for him.

Son no 2 has scored well enough for KECH boys - do other people have one in grammar and another in private? What do people think?

Son no 2 naturally a bit it more confident. I am considering going part time if I can send one to grammar. Both at KES would require me to continue to work.


I am new to it all, so can't really offer much input. But when it comes to finances, I would say go for the free option, if it's a burden to pay two fees. This will enable you to have more flexibility as a family and not having to worry about two fees. Unless, your second son is adamant he wants KES, then that's another dilemma.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 11:08 am 
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In our area it is very common for people to have one in grammar and one in private - it is almost always because the one in private failed to gain entry to a Grammar School (and quite often the second child is the one at private school) but generally allows parents to believe that they are doing the "same" for their children. It sounds as if not paying two sets of fees will give you all as a family far more flexibility so I would think that that would make far more sense. You can always revisit options for either child at the transition to 6th Form.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 11:30 am 
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sxa350 wrote:
Eldest son in KES and very happy there and thriving from being a shy boy who didn't put himself forward. Didn't score high enough for KECH. It was the right decision for him.

Son no 2 has scored well enough for KECH boys - do other people have one in grammar and another in private? What do people think?

Son no 2 naturally a bit it more confident. I am considering going part time if I can send one to grammar. Both at KES would require me to continue to work.


Yes, no 1 is at KEHS, no 2 at Handsworth Grammar. No 1 also had grammar options but she loved KEHS and it was nearer - and she got an assisted place. No 2 didn’t make KES do there was no decision to make!

What do you want to know?


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 11:36 am 
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I think I'm worried I will be judged for not treating both children fairly....when in reality I can help more with university fees longer term.

I'm worried whether child no2 will be resentful he didn't have the same opportunities.

Do other parents have issues with children feeling the one in private got a better deal than the other?


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 11:49 am 
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Location: Essex
Round here, the DC I know of who attend the nearest indies are mainly the not so bright siblings of grammar students, whose parents can afford to shield them from the horrors of their catchment comprehensive (obviously, some families are more upfront about that than others :lol: and there are also those with family tradition / loyalty to the Indies, independent - pardon the pun - of factors other than being able to afford the fees).

Not at all the same thing as having lots of choice of independent schools with similar academic requirements to the grammar schools, though.

Ignore university fees, by the way- they don't have to be paid in advance and the student may never have to pay them all off. On the other hand, being more able to help with the here and now expenses of university of somewhere to live and food to eat, is something to consider, or perhaps putting money aside towards deposits for a flat or house purchase at a later stage.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 11:57 am 
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sxa350 wrote:
Eldest son in KES and very happy there and thriving from being a shy boy who didn't put himself forward. Didn't score high enough for KECH. It was the right decision for him.

Son no 2 has scored well enough for KECH boys - do other people have one in grammar and another in private? What do people think?

Son no 2 naturally a bit it more confident. I am considering going part time if I can send one to grammar. Both at KES would require me to continue to work.


A close friend of mine had 2 children in KEFW and one in KES. The one in KES ended up there as he didn't score enough for the grammar schools they had in mind. And, interestingly, the one in KES has recently moved to another school for his Sixth form, as he wasn't keen on IB and wanted to pursue A level curriculum. The one in KEFW performed exceptionally well and currently studying Actuarial Sciences at a prestigious university. So, I am not entirely convinced you will be denying the youngest of many opportunities, considering you will only be paying one set of fee and have enough time on your hands to spend quality time with children - KECB is an excellent school.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:38 pm 
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sxa350 wrote:
I think I'm worried I will be judged for not treating both children fairly....when in reality I can help more with university fees longer term.

I'm worried whether child no2 will be resentful he didn't have the same opportunities.

Do other parents have issues with children feeling the one in private got a better deal than the other?


I think it might depend on your children. Is there something specific that KES offers that CHB doesn’t and your second son would actually want to do?

In our case my son is not into team sports, in fact he loves table tennis which is big at HGS. I don’t think he’d have been able to do that at KES. I can’t think of anything specific that he is missing out on, apart from the chance to learn Latin and that’s not a priority for him!

He gets annoyed that his sister has longer holidays - but then he has a shorter school day! I do understand your concern as my brother went to KES and I went to a mediocre comp. But part of my issue is that I wasn’t given the chance even to take the exam!

But a top grammar is different - it’s not really ‘worse’ in any way except for breadth of opportunities (if he wants those particular opportunities). We’ve found teachers are a mixed bag at both, as they will be in all schools.

Does your second son have an opinion?


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:57 pm 
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Location: Petts Wood, Bromley, Kent
Some of DDs friends at her Grammar have siblings in independent schools, mainly this was if they didn't pass the entrance test. They all seem well adjusted families. The different school holidays as mentioned up thread is an issue though. I also had friends who did this, again usually due to one DC not passing the entrance test of the grammar, but still passing a fairly selective independent school exam.

There never seemed to be resentment as the basis and understanding was discussed openly with the children and fairly importantly they were also involved in the decision making process.

I have seen children move from the independent schools to grammar schools, perhaps they missed out in the first instance and a place comes up and they seem in a good position to compete with the others also vying for that one elusive place.

I do also know of one parent who had a DC in a grammar and then second DC failed to get in, first DC moved back to the Independent. I don't think it was as the grammar was terrible, they just made the decision as a family to offer the same opportunity to their DCs but I have only seen that happen once. I think in that scenario if I was the older DC I might resent my younger sibling unless the switch had been very much my choice.

Good luck with the decision sxa350.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 1:00 pm 
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Location: Herts
Just what I was about to ask. Where does DS2 want to go? He is the one that did the work and secured the place.

I know many families with one in each and it is because the one in private has failed to qualify for the grammar school.

Perhaps the private school has a few more bells like a swimming pool, but the more academic students will be in the grammar school as those places required a stronger academc showing.

I would put DS2 in the grammar school. As he is more academic it is better for him to have a more challenging cohort.

You could always move him at Sixth form to the private school if it has more to offer at that point. DG


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