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 Post subject: very nervous son
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 10:14 pm 
hi all, i need help urgently. my son had mock test in school this week he scored 75/80 (we are OOC for BUCKS) and having real tests next week. he said he was bit nervous while taking mock test in school and when we went through the mistake he said straightaway that he made silly mistakes and could easily score 80/80. then i tried to calm him down by saying i am proud of you...you have done really well....bla bla bla and he felt better. now panic has struck again as before going to bed tonight he was smattering (first time in these 10 years) mum i am very afraid of taking tests. believe me i never made 11+ as a do or die thing and he always scored 75+/80 in practice tests and now suddenly he is scared. i want to ask all of you if you can suggest anything to give him to eat or something else i can do so that he can control his nerves on that day. i have planned a little walk before he goes to school (on test day). please help us. situation is more serious than it sounds in my mail. thanks.

 Post subject: Re: very nervous son
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:36 am 

Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:54 pm
Posts: 1776
Location: caversham
Anonymous wrote:
situation is more serious than it sounds in my mail. thanks.

Sorry tio hear of your stressful situation. :cry:

Can only offer advice based on my nervous son,

- in the final week run up to exam just did fun stuff
- he may be picking up your stress or from other kids

- lots of motivational chats
- you've done really well to get this far
- you have worked really hard I am very pleased
- you are bright and will succeed wherever

- night before the exam went for a walk and a chat
- day of the exam arrived early and I departed quickly

- in the end the nerves were channelled into fast work, he actually said ( ten months later ) that time seemed to slow down and he had loads of time.

- hope this helps

good luck and best wishes


 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 10:52 am 
thanks steve will take your advice and hope things are going to be same as was in your case. i will let you guys know how did he manage once tests are over. thanks once again.

 Post subject: re nervous son
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:10 pm 

Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:26 pm
Posts: 37
Location: Burnham
Please tell your son that my daughter thought the real tests would be worse than they were. They are never as bad as you think they will be.
She also got nervous leading up to the tests.

My personal advice is to stay calm - lots of praise. The evening before no last minute revision just do something fun to take his mind off of it.
Prepare as much as you can the night before - lunch boxes, bags, hair washed ,shoes cleaned etc... so there is no panic or rush in the morning.
I got up early and made my daughter porridge as Patricia advised and she ate a banana on the way to school which helped to keep her going.
I'm sure he'll do fine.He sounds as though he is scoring great and even if he makes a few silly mistakes it sounds as if he has a good chance of passing. The idea is to pass. The score isn't really relevant as far as I am concerned. I'm not going to tell my daughter off if she didn't score as high as I would have liked her to.

All the best. Hope it goes well

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 9:34 pm 
oh chez thanks once again. again because you answered my lots of questions in last few days.only one more, that i have planned practice test 2 from Familiarisation Pack to be done on night before test. he hasn't done this one yet (he repeated many others though). so do you think it is a good idea to give him NEW (not repeated) test paper just one night before?? i am bit confused because he scored 79/80 in practice test 1 couple of days ago. i am hopeful he will score 75+ in test2 as well. if he does then he will be more confident (because he understands that these gray tests are more like real ones ) if scores less than 75 then he might be upset an can effect him next day. any comments most appreciated. thanks.

PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 5:23 am 

Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:26 pm
Posts: 37
Location: Burnham

Those more experienced than me might like to answer this but personally I wouldn't give a test the night before. We did daily tests a few days before but the actual night before I left her to relax. Like you say doing a practice test could work to the disadvantage especially if he is a bit of a perfectionist and gets easily frustrated if he makes silly mistakes.
He may start to feel under pressure as well.
My daughter is like this and I decided it wouldn't be a good idea to give her a test the night before.
I find that my daughter needs time to unwind and relax before bed otherwise she doesn't sleep very well as her brain gets overactive.

I'm off on holiday for a week now so won't be on the forum for a while, but I really hope your son does well. he deserves too with all his hard work. I'll be on next Sunday - let me know how he got on.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 11:51 am 
Hi guest
I really feel for you. Nerves are a horrible thing. I'm sure that most people would feel that a new test the night before is not a good thing but for my own son last year that is exactly what we did!
I had kept one new paper to do between the two proper tests and had planned a relaxing evening the night before the first test - walk to the woods, dinner, bath, story and bed. But DS had other ideas! He was insistent on doing the one new test left and reminded me that it was him taking the 11+ and he wanted to feel he had done everything he could have done. Having a gentle evening wasn't what he wanted and he wouldn't sleep anyway.
I gave in but decided I would tell him he had got 75/80 whatever the score- high enough to boost his confidence but a few wrong to make sure he knew he still had to try!. in fact he got 76/80 on the paper so I didn't have to lie.
He was also scared and we spent time talking to him about fear - that fear is normal but what is the worse thing that can happen - we often turned this into a joke - that the test paper wasn't going to leap off the desk and attack him, etc etc. We talked about fear being when you feel out of control - that's why I felt it important to let him go through what he wanted to do the night before so he could feel in control of it.
We also planned a fun day out of his choice the weekend after the tests to say well done for his hard work. He did pass and I did not go down the route of presents for passing (although many of his friends parent did). My view on this is that I would praise the effort with a treat and the reward for passing was the good feeling inside and a place at the school he wanted and that no material gift could surpass that.
For my younger son who takes it next year I will probably take a different approach. He definitely needs his sleep and would not be helped by doing a test the night before. I suppose what I am saying is you have to do what is right for your child- you know him best and what is the right approach.
Good luck. The only thing to fear is fear itself.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 8:32 pm 
thanks greta2. i totally agree with you so i asked him if he wants a new test the night before and answer was exaclty as your son gave. so we have planned as back from school- paly football with friends till 4.00 pm-do homework (4.30)- a short walk (5.15)- have bath - dinner (fish & vegs) all done by 6.15 then test at 6.30 from about 7.30-8.15 tv,ds etc. then Bed. i hope we are going to stick to this. i really wish good luck to all other childern who are waiting to take tests and for their results. thanks once again. oh yes i will take care regarding score that i tell him it is 75+ (in case it's less than 75) because he has consistntely scored 75+ in all other practice tests.

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