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 Post subject: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 1:18 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2016 3:49 pm
Posts: 356
Today is the first day in this whole 11+ journey that I'm really feeling down. Everyone around me is celebrating and going on all the tours of different grammar schools. They seem so confident their children are going to a grammar school no one is even considering looking at the local upper schools.

My DD took the test and said she had to guess loads of answers and she ran out of time. Although I never expected her to qualify, I still feel a bit sad for her.

We are going to look at our local upper schools but should I take her to see the grammars just incase? I was planning to wait till after results day and only going if she qualifies.

BM


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 1:23 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2010 2:05 pm
Posts: 1014
Blue_Marigold wrote:
Today is the first day in this whole 11+ journey that I'm really feeling down. Everyone around me is celebrating and going on all the tours of different grammar schools. They seem so confident their children are going to a grammar school no one is even considering looking at the local upper schools.

My DD took the test and said she had to guess loads of answers and she ran out of time. Although I never expected her to qualify, I still feel a bit sad for her.

We are going to look at our local upper schools but should I take her to see the grammars just incase? I was planning to wait till after results day and only going if she qualifies. BM


That's what I'm doing.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 1:35 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 3:44 pm
Posts: 26
Surely there are not parents out there 100% confident their child has passed...or is there ?!?!? Even so there is nothing wrong with going to the open days as it gives you all a snap shot of life at grammar school. It might be that your child has a better feeling when they visit their local upper compared to the grammars. I wouldnt pay much attention to all these celebrating parents, we all know a story of a child who was odds on to pass and unfortunately didnt. Most importantly your child should be proud of their efforts whatever the outcome as the process is a excellent learning opportunity for them.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 2:53 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 5:24 pm
Posts: 696
I agree: go to all of them but don't emphasise that any is "better" than the other. Ignore overconfident parents, they will go mysteriously quiet if their DC aren't qualified come results day!

I found last year with DD1 if helped to find two or three "distinguishing" positive features for each school we visited (and the odd con): (that one has a laser cutter, trampoline club and a shourt journey. That one has great music and is near the supermarket but has more academic pressure). It helps the child work out with you where they *really* want to be (which , sadly, not all parents will listen to, there is often an obsession with the "best schoo". )

Visiting each helps you be positive about all the options, even if you may prefer one privately. We're about to visit our local Comp, where I suspect we will probably be next year, and I fully intend to find the best in it.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 3:21 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 4:33 pm
Posts: 1763
Take the open evenings with a heavy dose of salt. Most schools put on a slick show and in my experience, the grammars smear on the grease more than the others. Open evenings are no substitute for seeing school in its true colours, which is on a normal day. Believe it or not, hearts aren't dissected in every biology lesson, Van der Graaf generators aren't standing hairs on end in every physics lesson and children will sometimes have to actually share books and equipment with other children. From past comments on here, some schools don't allow visits on a normal day. My questions would be: What are they worried about people seeing? Would you be happy sending your child to a school that wasn't prepared to let you experience its real atmosphere?

As for supposed confidence in qualification, a quick glance through the appeal threads from last year will show you many, many people who were absolutely sure their children would have qualified, top sets of top schools, top SATs results, etc. but for whom it didn't turn out quite as they expected. Let them celebrate prematurely, in the knowledge that some of them will be here in a month asking for advice on reviews and appeals and not having even contemplated the horror of an upper school education.

My daughter has volunteered at a few of her school's open evenings over the years. Among the "normal" parents, she is fully expecting the usual pushy parents, declarations of their children's genius, vicarious parenting, vastly premature questions about medicine and Oxbridge processes, sucking up to the Head and generally unedifying behaviour. It's all a bit distasteful.

You're allowed to feel blue, but take it one step at a time. If things don't quite turn out as you hope, there are plenty of us on here who are happy to advise.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 3:24 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 04, 2015 2:49 pm
Posts: 82
And remember the school you go to does not dictate what you do afterwards and how successful you will be.

I went to a school named in the Times back in the 90s as the worst performing school in the country and it was closed down twice. I still got my A levels and Chemistry degree (ok I was only one of 2 from my school to have ever ever got to Uni!!) And I became extremely successful running multi million $ businesses for the giants in tech industry . I don't know if I am exceptional. I am just an ordinary woman who worked hard , not that academically smart but i persue every opportunity. Imy opinion hard graft and high personal standards is what it takes. Everything else is just a bonus!!


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 3:35 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2016 6:43 pm
Posts: 129
Awe...I can understand you feeling that way.

I think it sucks that the majority of open evenings are after the exam (when it's too late to do anything about it or use it as a motivator for the child), but too early to know which type of school they qualified for.

I'm not taking my son. I took him to see a couple of them last year instead, so there would be a huge gap between seeing them and sitting the exam, in the hope that if he doesn't qualify it was so long ago he won't really remember/care. There are a couple of grammars and an upper he hasn't seen, but I'm going to wait until the results come out and visit the day time ones instead depending on which he qualifies for. The exam hasn't really been mentioned since weekend and I'm happy for it to stay that way until the results come out!

I do understand you feeling the way you do about it. Ride the wave...the chatter will die down come next week I'm sure.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 3:40 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2016 3:49 pm
Posts: 356
Thanks,

It's hard to explain why I'm sad. I never expected her to qualify. I am really proud of her for doing her best and have no intention of appealing or going to review. DD1 didn't qualify either and she is loving her school. I think it is just other people assuming their kids have qualified and dismissing all the local upper schools. Their back up plan is to move away if things don't work out.

Our schools aren't that bad! Even the ones that Ofsted say are inadequate are not really bad. There are good kids in the upper schools too. They aren't all thugs. DD1 is fine and DD2 will be too.

I am just watching the people around me making travel plans and organising lift shares and we don't know the results yet. I am sure this didn't happen a few years ago when DD1 did her test.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 3:56 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 4:33 pm
Posts: 1763
Blue_Marigold wrote:
Thanks,

It's hard to explain why I'm sad. I never expected her to qualify. I am really proud of her for doing her best and have no intention of appealing or going to review. DD1 didn't qualify either and she is loving her school. I think it is just other people assuming their kids have qualified and dismissing all the local upper schools. Their back up plan is to move away if things don't work out.

Our schools aren't that bad! Even the ones that Ofsted say are inadequate are not really bad. There are good kids in the upper schools too. They aren't all thugs. DD1 is fine and DD2 will be too.

I am just watching the people around me making travel plans and organising lift shares and we don't know the results yet. I am sure this didn't happen a few years ago when DD1 did her test.

There are indeed. I've done young enterprise-style events and other voluntary activities where there have been hundreds of children taking part and when uniforms aren't worn, it's impossible to tell which children are from which school. My daughter had children join her in sixth form from upper schools with much better GCSE grades than plenty of children who'd been at the grammar since year seven. There are lots of impressive and academically strong children in upper schools, but there are also too many children struggling at grammar schools. It's not the guarantee of academic success some parents believe it to be.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling blue :(
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 4:06 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:36 pm
Posts: 363
Location: High Wycombe
As an impartial outsider whose children took the eleven plus a good few years ago, it saddens (and sometimes angers me) to see the continuous upping of the pressure on children and parents. Anotherdad is right to reassure that there is no one type of child at either grammars or upper schools, nor is attending either a guarantee of academic success. It sounds like you are being eminently sensible in making sure that your child is going to be happy at whichever school they end up. Largely because of your approach to the whole thing. I would always recommend people visit in the Autumn term of year 5 when the eleven plus seems a long way away and you can highlight the best bits of both schools. Day time rather than open evening which gives a better idea of behaviour. You can still do this even though it is a year on. You don't know the results yet, so act as if either school is a great option. Good luck.


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