2 weeks 2 days
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post will come to the house and i will open it. dd has herts exam the next day so if its not good news i will keep the results from her until after that then tell her. I dont think she knows when the results are due and i will ask mother of the only other child to take test to ask her dc not to mention it until after test.
Oh I sound sooo negative!! I do have faith in her but you just dont know do you?
Oh I sound sooo negative!! I do have faith in her but you just dont know do you?
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Sally-Anne
- Posts: 9235
- Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 8:10 pm
- Location: Buckinghamshire
I thought that as a "veteran" of this debate, which comes up every year all over the forum, I might be able to give you some tips.
"Who opens the letter" is, IMHO, one of those decisions where we are required to be the adults, and do what we believe is best for our children. They may want to open it themselves, but if you feel that it would be better coming from you, then take charge!
What if the marks are disastrously bad? Do you want your child knowing that they messed up big time, or would you rather tell them that "it was close, but perhaps not quite close enough"?
What if they have scored 141/141? Do you want them to know that? Some children can handle that information and others can't. I know of one child who was not doing at all well at his GS because he thought that getting top marks meant that he was going to be able to cruise. A year down the line he is beginning to figure out that he needs to do some work!
As to where you open the letter, I remember a few years ago seeing the unedifying spectacle of some children (and parents) leaping around with joy in the school playground, whilst others slunk off to the car in floods of tears. The parents and children are now told very firmly to take the letter home and open it there.
The other thing is to give your child advice on:
a) how to tell other children if they have passed or failed, especially if it is the latter; I coached DS1 to say: "I just missed it, but my Mum's going to appeal".
b) whether to disclose their scores to others or not;
c) how to behave towards those who have failed, i.e. sympathise with them, look out for them and report anything nasty to the nearest adult.
If your child has missed out, then you need to make sure that the next encounter they have with other children who may have passed is also managed. DS1 went to an out-of-school activity during the weekend after his results, and I spoke to the organiser to explain the situation so that he could keep an eye out for anything nasty.
Last but not least, beware the parents who may be revelling in the fact that a "smug Mum with a little guaranteed pass" has had bad news. Resist the temptation to join in at all costs - it is one of the least edifying spectacles out there.
S-A
The ticker doesn't lie ...
"Who opens the letter" is, IMHO, one of those decisions where we are required to be the adults, and do what we believe is best for our children. They may want to open it themselves, but if you feel that it would be better coming from you, then take charge!
What if the marks are disastrously bad? Do you want your child knowing that they messed up big time, or would you rather tell them that "it was close, but perhaps not quite close enough"?
What if they have scored 141/141? Do you want them to know that? Some children can handle that information and others can't. I know of one child who was not doing at all well at his GS because he thought that getting top marks meant that he was going to be able to cruise. A year down the line he is beginning to figure out that he needs to do some work!
As to where you open the letter, I remember a few years ago seeing the unedifying spectacle of some children (and parents) leaping around with joy in the school playground, whilst others slunk off to the car in floods of tears. The parents and children are now told very firmly to take the letter home and open it there.
The other thing is to give your child advice on:
a) how to tell other children if they have passed or failed, especially if it is the latter; I coached DS1 to say: "I just missed it, but my Mum's going to appeal".
b) whether to disclose their scores to others or not;
c) how to behave towards those who have failed, i.e. sympathise with them, look out for them and report anything nasty to the nearest adult.
If your child has missed out, then you need to make sure that the next encounter they have with other children who may have passed is also managed. DS1 went to an out-of-school activity during the weekend after his results, and I spoke to the organiser to explain the situation so that he could keep an eye out for anything nasty.
Last but not least, beware the parents who may be revelling in the fact that a "smug Mum with a little guaranteed pass" has had bad news. Resist the temptation to join in at all costs - it is one of the least edifying spectacles out there.
S-A
The ticker doesn't lie ...
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Propitious Parent
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2008 3:48 pm
Hello all
New member, but an old visitor to the forums. I suspect there are many like me, watching slightly nervously from the side-lines but keen to pick up nuggets of info kindly given by others.
As there are only 11 days to go and very little we can do to influence the final result I think its worth a little reflection.
First of all, whatever happens, the world is not going to end on the 21st Nov!
Whatever happens, our children will still go to school, some days will be better than others, some lessons more enjoyable, some activities more exciting but in the end they will very likely end up as happy, well-rounded individuals with a huge range of opportunities in front of them.
If they are acutely aware of the impending results day just tell them how proud you are of all the work they put in before-hand, that they are going to succeed at life no matter what school they go to and that ultimately the result is not going to dictate the rest of their life or yours!
Keep smiling
PP
New member, but an old visitor to the forums. I suspect there are many like me, watching slightly nervously from the side-lines but keen to pick up nuggets of info kindly given by others.
As there are only 11 days to go and very little we can do to influence the final result I think its worth a little reflection.
First of all, whatever happens, the world is not going to end on the 21st Nov!
Whatever happens, our children will still go to school, some days will be better than others, some lessons more enjoyable, some activities more exciting but in the end they will very likely end up as happy, well-rounded individuals with a huge range of opportunities in front of them.
If they are acutely aware of the impending results day just tell them how proud you are of all the work they put in before-hand, that they are going to succeed at life no matter what school they go to and that ultimately the result is not going to dictate the rest of their life or yours!
Keep smiling
PP
I appreciate that this whole issue of results/envelopes/10 and 11 year olds/ is highly personal and I am sure no two parents chose the same route. 
as all try and make it easy/painless for their particular child.
What about 2 parents discussing this very issue in a group near our playground who have decided that the envelope will be brought home from school by the child and then sit unopened on the table until 7.30 when the father comes in from work and opens it - torture or what!!! Needless to say, the child in question is very unhappy about this arrangement - I think I would be as well.
I need a pat on the back though for making no comment whatsoever within the group discussion and scuttling away - (muttering big time under my breathe
).
We really are on countdown now to blast off....10.....
Ambridge x
as all try and make it easy/painless for their particular child.What about 2 parents discussing this very issue in a group near our playground who have decided that the envelope will be brought home from school by the child and then sit unopened on the table until 7.30 when the father comes in from work and opens it - torture or what!!! Needless to say, the child in question is very unhappy about this arrangement - I think I would be as well.
I need a pat on the back though for making no comment whatsoever within the group discussion and scuttling away - (muttering big time under my breathe
).We really are on countdown now to blast off....10.....
Ambridge x
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JaysDarlin
- Posts: 548
- Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:34 pm
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Sally-Anne
- Posts: 9235
- Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 8:10 pm
- Location: Buckinghamshire
I expect the child will tear the mother apart limb-by-limb long before that, so there's no need to worry.Ambridge wrote:the envelope will be brought home from school by the child and then sit unopened on the table until 7.30 when the father comes in from work and opens it
Take a Brownie point. Actually, make that two Brownie points.Ambridge wrote:I need a pat on the back though for making no comment whatsoever within the group discussion and scuttling away - (muttering big time under my breathe
Thanks for the good wishes Sarah!
S-A
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I agree it is a very personal choice - for DS1 he inistsed on opening it himself and doing so in another room from us. But I felt he was mature enough to make the decision. I haven't even discussed it with DS2 and think I will let him choose on the day - I have a feeeling he will ask us to open it.
DS1 told me that on the Monday after the results the comment by the children to each other was "did you pass" and no mention of the F word. He said that by breaktime on the Monday everyone knew the outomce and it wasn't mentioned again.
My thoughts from last time -
Some parents encouraged their children to phone friends when they had good news themselves - the feedback from those who had bad news was that this was horrible for their child to receive a phone call hearing someone elses good news when it was very raw for them. I didn't let my child phone anyone other than family that day - they find out soon enough either at activities over the weekend or at school.
Some parents allowed their child to open the results in the car - they then had a horrible drive home when they hadn't succeeded (and probably not a very safe journey).
I am only adding these as comments from other parents who afterwards said that they wished they had done it differently.
DS1 told me that on the Monday after the results the comment by the children to each other was "did you pass" and no mention of the F word. He said that by breaktime on the Monday everyone knew the outomce and it wasn't mentioned again.
My thoughts from last time -
Some parents encouraged their children to phone friends when they had good news themselves - the feedback from those who had bad news was that this was horrible for their child to receive a phone call hearing someone elses good news when it was very raw for them. I didn't let my child phone anyone other than family that day - they find out soon enough either at activities over the weekend or at school.
Some parents allowed their child to open the results in the car - they then had a horrible drive home when they hadn't succeeded (and probably not a very safe journey).
I am only adding these as comments from other parents who afterwards said that they wished they had done it differently.
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Road Runner
- Posts: 410
- Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 8:32 pm
Mel x
I guess I knew we would all have various views on this subject but we all agree that sensitivitey to everyone is key.
As it happens I was able to ask dd yesterday in passing what she may want to do and she said she thinks she will want to open it just as her brother had with me, dad and bro with her. I planned on ending the conversation there however felt very proud when she added that she would not want to call any of her friends that evening as she feels it would be better they all find out each others results as and when they see each other.
If anyone has a close friend going through the same as you then may I suggest doing what my best friend and I did the last time. We agreed to just send each other a text and if we both had good news we would then call.
Melx
As it happens I was able to ask dd yesterday in passing what she may want to do and she said she thinks she will want to open it just as her brother had with me, dad and bro with her. I planned on ending the conversation there however felt very proud when she added that she would not want to call any of her friends that evening as she feels it would be better they all find out each others results as and when they see each other.
If anyone has a close friend going through the same as you then may I suggest doing what my best friend and I did the last time. We agreed to just send each other a text and if we both had good news we would then call.
Melx
2weeks 2 days
Hi everyone,
New member, but regular reader!
I'm on my second time round. Last year DS1 opened the envelope in his room with me watching. His younger brothers were downstairs waiting. We'd agreed that if he qualified he would ring his Dad at work and his Grandparents before contacting any friends.
Beware, the numbers don't exactly jump out the page at you and it took a few moments (felt like years) to realise he had passed. Why can't the letter just say QUALIFY or NOT QUALIFIED?
The relief and euphoria were completely tempered however when his best friend rang to say he hadn't passed. I was unprepared to see my own son crumple with disappointment for his mate. We went out later as a family to celebrate but throughout the evening DS1 kept thinking of his friends who hadn't made it. I realise now he believed they would all pass.
This year DS2 will open the envelope with me and his younger brother and DS1 wants us to text him as he will be on his way home from his new school, which by the way he absolutely loves!
Just want to say thanks to everyone on this site for the tips, support and laughs over the last 2 years. I've prepared both my boys at home using your expertise and advice. You've all been invaluable!
New member, but regular reader!
I'm on my second time round. Last year DS1 opened the envelope in his room with me watching. His younger brothers were downstairs waiting. We'd agreed that if he qualified he would ring his Dad at work and his Grandparents before contacting any friends.
Beware, the numbers don't exactly jump out the page at you and it took a few moments (felt like years) to realise he had passed. Why can't the letter just say QUALIFY or NOT QUALIFIED?
The relief and euphoria were completely tempered however when his best friend rang to say he hadn't passed. I was unprepared to see my own son crumple with disappointment for his mate. We went out later as a family to celebrate but throughout the evening DS1 kept thinking of his friends who hadn't made it. I realise now he believed they would all pass.
This year DS2 will open the envelope with me and his younger brother and DS1 wants us to text him as he will be on his way home from his new school, which by the way he absolutely loves!
Just want to say thanks to everyone on this site for the tips, support and laughs over the last 2 years. I've prepared both my boys at home using your expertise and advice. You've all been invaluable!
Magenta
