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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 8:15 am 
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I have a bit of a dilemma. My DS goes to tennis lessons on Wednesdays with two of his best friends - all three have taken the test and all stand a decent chance of getting a place at one of the grammars, but of course nothing is certain. The lesson starts at 5pm, by when I assume we will have had some of the results emails. I don't want to stop my DS going to his lesson, and it's not sending the right message to avoid it - but how do we manage those timings? Great if all of them get a place but what if two do and one doesn't? Or, selfishly, we go to the lesson knowing we haven't got a place and then his two friends announce that they have? Or the other way round? I can't work out what to do - any suggestions? Thanks.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 8:45 am 
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This might just be me but I had agreed with friends (who were also parents of dd's friends) that we would text. We agreed in advance that we would just text each other the result, no questions, no commentary (eg "phew" etc) and then would leave it up to anyone who hadn't got a place to make further contact if they wanted to (or not if they wanted a few hours to deal with the results). It might sound a bit dramatic but we were all applying for a school our children and we loved so we knew we'd be disappointed if they hadn't got a place.
I think it could work because you can all inform your boys in advance how the others have done and then they can either nicely commiserate or congratulate and then move on without having to deal with the initial finding-out bit.
(Obviously I'm not suggesting parents always interfere in these matters but the children are still really young and it can be hard for them to keep a positive face on if they just discover that someone else has something they were hoping for)


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 8:52 am 
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Learning to handle not only your own feelings, but those of others, in such scenarios is a very useful life skill and will be faced again at GCSE, A level and beyond. The kind of unwritten rule here is that if you are successful, you do not initiate a conversation about results. If you aren't, then you can ask how others did and be prepared to put a big brave face on and say 'well done'. Mum or Dad then needs to be on hand to deal with the fall out and acknowledge the inevitable disappointment that will bring with it.

If someone asks you first then you can reveal your result - 'I was lucky enough to pass, what about you?'. For GCSEs etc my children, who have all done very well, stuck to not asking, but responding 'I did OK, thanks. What about you?' and only revealing actual grades if pushed further. At ten this is super-hard, but in some ways when you go into this, you have to be prepared for this scenario. Think of it as a testing lesson in interpersonal skills.

Good luck. :)


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:48 am 
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I love Amber's reply.
Thinking about it, my response was more dealing with how we as parents dealt with the results than our children.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:00 am 
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I think at 10, they are also quite oblivious to all the implications, and it is more about the parents. DD, who didn't pass bounded up to her best friend & said "I got ***, what about you". Her friend who is still lovely & thoughtful said "Well done, I was lucky enough to pass". I know now that she got the maximum mark.


Last edited by scary mum on Sat Oct 07, 2017 12:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:01 am 
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Surely no-one has a place this time of year anyway? The CAFs are not even due ... it's just a number.

My DS as never shared his GCSE, A levels or degree classification wit friends/relatives - they are his results. [btw this is not because he's not pleased with them but rather because he does not want to boast]


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:10 am 
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Guest55 wrote:
Surely no-one has a place this time of year anyway? The CAFs are not even due ... it's just a number.

My DS as never shared his GCSE, A levels or degree classification wit friends/relatives - they are his results. [btw this is not because he's not pleased with them but rather because he does not want to boast]

It does depend on location. We all knew on results day that our children were guaranteed a place at their school.i know it is different in different areas.
I'm interested that your ds shared his results with no one. My parents would be devastated if my children didn't share their results with them - good and bad. Mine are very careful who they share them with but they definitely would with family.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:11 am 
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Guest55 wrote:
Surely no-one has a place this time of year anyway? The CAFs are not even due ... it's just a number.
In Gloucestershire you are told for each school whether or not you have a qualifying score and can apply for a place. You are also given a ranking and an indication of whether this is likely to lead to a successful application for a place. Put it this way, kids and parents talk of 'pass' and 'fail' and everyone knows what the score is, as it were.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:13 am 
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Yes - we know that in Bucks too if you are in catchment - but you still need to apply!!!


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:15 am 
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loobylou wrote:
I'm interested that your ds shared his results with no one. My parents would be devastated if my children didn't share their results with them - good and bad. Mine are very careful who they share them with but they definitely would with family.

Surely all grandparents really need to know is they got the grades they needed for the next step?


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