Need some reassurance...

Eleven Plus (11+) in Gloucestershire (Glos)

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CKMum
Posts: 91
Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 11:39 am

Re: Need some reassurance...

Post by CKMum »

My DD got into Pate's and her BF from primary school goes to the local comp. Her BF was the one girl at my DD's primary school that I really really liked and could see how good they were for each other. The BF's mum and I made a concerted effort for our 2 daughters to meet up often outside of school for the first 2 years, as for one, I felt it was really important that my DD had a good and trusted friend who she could confide in, who didn't know the friends from the new school necessarily (and vice versa) and this has really really paid off in my experience. They are now in Yr10 and would still regard each other as BF's - despite not seeing each other daily (but they text/chat daily!!). They have continued to support and confide in each other and I do put that down to being a) good friends in the first place and b) not being at the same school, so could bring objectivity into the issues that they each have faced in their respective schools and new friendship groups. They still meet at least once, if not twice a week - guaranteed!

My DD now has some great friends in her closest and settled friendship group at school and most are local to us (Chelt based) and the furthest away one is Tewkesbury so not too bad. Her primary school BF now knows most of these friends too, and is still my DD's BF - and they are still really good for each other! Also, the bonus I think is that they didn't fall out as they weren't at the same school, so the friendship has remained strong and unaffected by the school friendship group shenanigans (of which there are many IMHO!).

School, wherever you are, can be so tough and from this thread it is amazing how many friends in primary school don't remain your closest friends in secondary, so having good friends outside of the school is very healthy. If there is a particular child from your son's primary school that you want to maintain links with - it is worth the effort (although I do think this is slightly easier with girls than boys as I think they naturally confide in each other more).

I think that you have done the right thing in choosing the school that is right for your DS, not going by friendship group. All the best for March!
Skip
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2015 10:25 pm

Re: Need some reassurance...

Post by Skip »

We were in the same situation last year. Lots of DS friends went to one grammar and he was the only one from his school who went to another. I knew that was the case when I did the CAF (unlike yourself). However all the kids are enjoying their schools and making friends and both schools have been great getting the kids to bond with each other so I wouldn't worry. He sees his other friends around the area and they still get on well and meet up so all good there.

Meanwhile I am still great friends with my best friend from primary school. I left in what is now year 5 and we went to different secondary schools but stayed in touch in the holidays etc and have continued to be friends in my forties. I just can't shake her off!!
Watermelon8
Posts: 309
Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2012 11:46 pm

Re: Need some reassurance...

Post by Watermelon8 »

We are in the same situation but by choosing Crypt instead of Tommies. But this is DC 3 so I know now it makes not a scrap of difference! At the grammars esp, the children come from so far & wide that lots come as the only 1 from their school. It probably helps to make friends quicker as there are no 'old loyalties' & on the positive no 'historical issues'. When DD went to hsfg with no one she made friends quickly, the following year lots went from our school to hsfg & it was quite tough for them to break out & start afresh plus some 'issues' followed them!. So altho I am slightly apprehensive my DS will start alone, most importantly we picked the sch we preferred & that's the most important thing by far. Really don't worry :)
Guest55
Posts: 16254
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:21 pm

Re: Need some reassurance...

Post by Guest55 »

As someone who has been a Y7 tutor, schools know many p[not all] Primary friendships will wither towards the end of term one. This is another reason for keeping small numbers from a school in each class. It can get pretty nasty if a school isn't on top of any potential ostracising.
doodles
Posts: 8300
Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:19 pm

Re: Need some reassurance...

Post by doodles »

Please don't worry he will be absolutely fine. In fact making your own decision and not being swayed by outside influences is the best thing you could have done. One of my DS went without knowing anybody and one went with several friends but it's not made a scrap of difference. They both have a wide circle of friends and ds2 has made completely new friends from those he went with.
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad !
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