HSFG Open Day

[Cup of tea]

Well what a load of . . . regards girls schools. Bullying is not worse in a girls school. With respect Stroudydad you cannot make such a sweeping statement and expect to be taken seriously! You are just perpetuating a very negative stereotype. I went to a girls school until GCSE and then a mixed 6th form. I loved both. As far as bullying, image issues etc etc there wasn't any difference between the two school types and very little at either. We had a couple of snobby / mean girls at the girls school. Same at the 6th form college. A couple of mean / unpleasant boys at the 6th form but I won't hold that against boys in general. Found some boys and some girls were real gossips just like some women and some men are now! Society is reflected in a school.

In a community as big as the average school there will be those you like, those you clash with and people in between. There were probably more openly gay kids at 6th form but then again we were that bit older so perhaps just generally more relationships going on. Who cares?

Some would argue that at girls schools subjects aren't seen as 'boy subjects' and 'girls subjects' and if that's the case then great. Choose the school you like best and if like me you're on the fence go with your gut. Good luck!

This. Totally.

My daughter had very minor "bullying" issue at her mixed GS (from boys, not that it really matters) it can happen anywhere. What I'd say for all GS is there is a lot more tolerance in general, and from what I've seen most children are very accepting of others, and even if they feel they have nothing in common, they are able to be civil to one another and not deliberately try to provoke nor humiliate.

[Amber]

Sorry. Can’t agree with that cup of tea. . The status as grammar school makes no difference at all in my experience. Kids can be Lovely or mean and anything in between and being at a selective school does not influence that.

[Watermelon8]

Sorry. Can’t agree with that cup of tea. . The status as grammar school makes no difference at all in my experience. Kids can be Lovely or mean and anything in between and being at a selective school does not influence that.

I disagree to some extent. Some friends with dc at comps seem to have far more issues with bullying, girls feeing self-conscious for their looks etc, feeling they can’t be ‘too good’ at something for fear of being ridiculed & annoyed by disruptive behaviour. Some really awful bullying experiences also. Obviously it doesn’t happen everywhere & some comps are great, I really enjoyed my comp education. Friends with DC at GS seem to feel more happy with properly being themselves. I like that DD doesn’t feel she has to plaster herself in make up everyday to go to hsfg & is happy just being her, quite possibly she’d feel like this at a good comp also altho sadly our catchment comp hasn’t got a good reputation. DS2 after his 1st few wks at Crypt ‘it’s really different from junior school because everyone wants to work hard & do their best..no one messes around or argues with the teacher. Everyone has just been really nice’. Interesting perspective from an 11 year old (not saying 11yr olds at comp wouldn’t say the same, just his thoughts)

[bananabrain]

I have read some recent posts on this forum with dismay.
Firstly, these are OUR children. Each one an individual with different demons, talents and dreams.
We live in a county where it isn’t the norm to just trundle off to the local comp and so have to make a decision as to which school would best fit our child.
Once they are in to any school it is kind of up to them. Young as they are they will walk their own path, deciding on the importance of work/ social/ clubs.
Of course there are times along the way when either we, or a school need to intervene and guide a child back on the right path. Some go so far astray that they can’t be guided back. Some might become ill or suffer from friendship issues or stress. But this forum and we on it should not be slating individual schools because that school might be the perfect for for someone else’s child.
I have children at both HSFG and STR. Both are happy, but my daughter, after a horrid Y6 involving friends, has adored her time at Denmark Rd. She is now in 6th form and has been nurtured, pushed, supported and celebrated by many of the teachers. She has formed a great group of friends. She has also had teachers that she wasn’t so keen on and friends that she lost along the way. That’s life!!
I say go with your gut. No one knows their child as well as we do.

[Amber]

Well you are very lucky Watermelon. Believe me, bullying does not confine itself to thick, poor or comprehensive kids (sic). It just doesn't. I taught in many environments and worked with children with mental health issues from all the schools on here; I also spent a lot of time with a bullying charity and I totally promise you that clever, grammar school kids do it just as much as their poor relations in the comps. They just do it with more sophistication and under the radar. Being clever does not make you nice.

Sorry, this has hit a nerve and I have too much bad, upsetting, gut-wrenching experience of 'lovely grammar school girls' to let this go without contesting it. It has actually made me cry tonight.

Parents -teach your children to be kind. Wherever they go to school. Please.

Edited as too personal.

[stroudydad]

Well what a load of . . . regards girls schools. Bullying is not worse in a girls school. With respect Stroudydad you cannot make such a sweeping statement and expect to be taken seriously! You are just perpetuating a very negative stereotype. I went to a girls school until GCSE and then a mixed 6th form. I loved both. As far as bullying, image issues etc etc there wasn't any difference between the two school types and very little at either. We had a couple of snobby / mean girls at the girls school. Same at the 6th form college. A couple of mean / unpleasant boys at the 6th form but I won't hold that against boys in general. Found some boys and some girls were real gossips just like some women and some men are now! Society is reflected in a school.

In a community as big as the average school there will be those you like, those you clash with and people in between. There were probably more openly gay kids at 6th form but then again we were that bit older so perhaps just generally more relationships going on. Who cares?

Some would argue that at girls schools subjects aren't seen as 'boy subjects' and 'girls subjects' and if that's the case then great. Choose the school you like best and if like me you're on the fence go with your gut. Good luck!

Happy for you to not take me seriously... I’m happy that my intent was correct even if not perhaps misunderstood by some.

[Watermelon8]

Well you are very lucky Watermelon. Believe me, bullying does not confine itself to thick, poor or comprehensive kids (sic). It just doesn't. I taught in many environments and worked with children with mental health issues from all the schools on here; I also spent a lot of time with a bullying charity and I totally promise you that clever, grammar school kids do it just as much as their poor relations in the comps. They just do it with more sophistication and under the radar. Being clever does not make you nice.

Sorry, this has hit a nerve and I have too much bad, upsetting, gut-wrenching experience of 'lovely grammar school girls' to let this go without contesting it. It has actually made me cry tonight.

Parents -teach your children to be kind. Wherever they go to school. Please.


Edited as too personal.

I had no intention of causing upset or offence. This forum is surely just a place to respond to questions with our opinions & experiences. My catchment comp unfortunately is known for its bullying issues (altho it is improving). If it was a good comp then I’d happily have sent my children there as I was comp educated. Sadly, atm it would not be a nurturing education free from disruptive behaviour.

[steppemum]

I am quite surprised by this thread actually.

I have one at Marling and one at SHS.
In both cases we chose the school to fit the child, for a variety of reasons, I am not set on grammar schools per se, just that they suited our kids. Both schools are excellent, and I think quick to deal with any bullying, but no school is 100% perfect. I know of one girl who left, due I think to being unhappy, dd says she was really unpopular, as she wasn't very nice. make of that what you will.

I don't agree with the idea that girls schools foster more bullying etc than boys. I think that possibly it takes different forms, but for my ds, the pressure to conform, to be one of 'the lads' and to fit in was constant, and the picking on if not, also a fear.
Some of that is his personality, and at moments when he didn't 'fit in' he was surprised to discover that actually no-one really cared, and they remained his friends. He is finally less bothered by all that.

dd is very non conformist character. She has defied all the things you are 'supposed' to do, and refused to be part of any in crowd etc, and walks her own path. As a result, she is pretty much untouched by any comments etc, because she just doesn't care. But again, that is her personality.

She is also gay. SHS was totally the best place she could have been to work that out. There was zero discrimination and 100% acceptance.

On the whole, we have found that SHS has been a place where she had the freedom to be herself. I think at a co-ed school she might have taken a lot of stick for how she looks and for not being a typical girl. But then she might just have shrugged that off too, it is not possible to say.

[Amber]

She is also gay. SHS was totally the best place she could have been to work that out. There was zero discrimination and 100% acceptance.

On the whole, we have found that SHS has been a place where she had the freedom to be herself. I think at a co-ed school she might have taken a lot of stick for how she looks and for not being a typical girl. But then she might just have shrugged that off too, it is not possible to say.

I really think that this is not a 'thing' for our children's generation any more, thank goodness. From what I have seen with my own children and their friends, there are no issues around acceptance or tolerance or discrimination. That is so much better than when we were at school and something I believe should be celebrated. I also do not think it is school-specific as I have worked with children in so many schools and my children's friends - of varying sexualities - come from a whole range of them. Issues around sexuality cause more problems for parents than young people, who are totally cool and can't see what the fuss is about. It's totally great that your daughter feels so able to express herself in a supportive environment - for many children with a range of issues that is sadly not the case. Tolerance and diversity are both worth celebrating loudly and I think they generally are now, among the young, which is a great hope for the future.

Bullying in my experience though is rarely so clearly focused on an 'issue' (for want of a better phrase) like this, and more on just not fitting in, not being seen as cool or part of the 'in' crowd. My own daughter was saved by male friends when she was subject to under the radar bullying from the cool girls - she was tiny and not into make up or short skirts but had no major 'difference' which would have made her a target. The girls doing the bullying were the popular, sporty ones who all the teachers loved. This is not uncommon. Much harder to spot and deal with, and social media has a lot to answer for in my view. We're not there yet.

[steppemum]

I agree with you about bullying.
I sometimes see people worrying about if do x or y will get their child bullied.
In my experience, a child will be bullied even if NOTHING about them stands out. For whatever reason, this child has become the target, and then the bullies make/find reasons. Nothing so cruel as a group of kids who decide one is out of favour.

I agree it isn't a grammar/non grammar thing, but I do also think that some schools are much better at creating a safe atmosphere than others, and at some schools the issues are dealt with better, and more swiftly.