Bright children

[jearund]

We all have bright children, right? Otherwise we wouldn't be on an 11+ forum! Well, I was thinking about how we chose our friends, and wondering if intellectual level has more to do with it then I realised - on a subconscious level.
Perhaps it's no coincidence that DD and her 2 best friends from a perfectly normal state primary were the only 3 girls in the year to go to Ribston.
DS is part of a longstanding friendship group of 4. 3 of them will be starting at Tommies in September - I'm not aware of any other boys in the year that qualified for any school. The 4th in the group is also grammar material but his parents didn't want him to go to grammar school.
When we were looking round Tommies we bumped into his best friend from nursery! They barely remember each other, it was so long ago. But that means that even in nursery he was finding an affinity with bright children (and we had no idea in nursery how clever he or his friend were).
It's got my inner psychologist thinking! Anyone else noticed anything similar with their own DCs?

[Brackenboo]

My Dd's best friend from the earlier years of school is the only other girl from her primary that has qualified. Although they are still friends, she isn't her bestie anymore and she isn't bothered about going to the same school as her. Her best friend didn't take the test, some of her other friends did but didn't pass.

One of my worries with grammars is friendships as at the moment she has quite a mix of friends of academic abilities. I'm hoping she will make new friends and keep her current local group of friends.

[jearund]

I think that's a really good point because if they are only exposed to other children similar to them, that's not helping to create an open and tolerant society, which we need. I went to a selective private school in another part of the UK and I remember in the 6th form everyone had a car. Mine was the oldest in the car park as all my parents' money went on my school fees! So I felt poor compared to many of my fellow pupils. Some people had brand new cars. But it wasn't until I got to university that I realised I was one of the few people to have a car at all, and was therefore extremely lucky. It's all relative. I don't want my kids to be like that and take everything for granted. I love that all the schools now have a pupil premium policy - mainly because it levels the playing field for bright children whose parents can't afford tutoring but also because it's good for children to have friends from different backgrounds. I realise that doesn't address the issue of different academic backgrounds though....

[Phoenix-Mum]

My DD's friend from nursery didn't go to the same primary, however, in Y5 they move and she moved into DD's class. They have both qualified for grammar - so yes, they seem to attract friends of similar ability? Interests? Its a small school, year group of 12, they were the only 2 to qualify.

We live 14 miles from the city, in a small village. The entire school is white/british, and a very small number of PP pupils.
I think any of the grammars will give a wider mix of children than my daughter is used to.

[kenyancowgirl]

In primary school, do children choose their friends, or do parents?

It strikes me that parents manipulate who most children have play dates etc with, based on who they deem is acceptable or who the parents are friendly with, far more than the free choice implied.

It is secondary school where children have more free choice as the parental influence of school gate politics is minimised.

[jearund]

Kenyancowgirl I think that's a fair question. I certainly tend to find that the parents of my DCs' friends are people I like too. But when I think how those friendships started, it was always the DC who would ask for a playdate with a new friend and then the mum and I would have to somehow swap details to arrange it. In fact that even happened back in nursery with DS' friend. That did then mean that I would tend to chat to the mum/dad at school pickup time but the initial friendship came from the DCs.

[Deb70]

Totally disagree. "Grammar material"?! How snobbish if you don't mind me saying. I went to a very selective school and a couple of my best friends didn't make the grade for the school's own sixth form, they were in lower sets than me when we got to O Level but we were still best friends. My children's friends are of a range of abilities, some not academic at all but excel in sports or arts. I firmly believe that all children are good at something as long as they have decent teachers.

[Phoenix-Mum]

Totally disagree. "Grammar material"?! How snobbish if you don't mind me saying. I went to a very selective school and a couple of my best friends didn't make the grade for the school's own sixth form, they were in lower sets than me when we got to O Level but we were still best friends. My children's friends are of a range of abilities, some not academic at all but excel in sports or arts. I firmly believe that all children are good at something as long as they have decent teachers.

I didn't read 'grammar material' as snobbish at all Deb70.
Not once did she mention the affluence of the family, I read it as he was also a bright child capable of passing the 11+ but the parents didn't want to go down the grammar route for their child.

[jearund]

Totally disagree. "Grammar material"?! How snobbish if you don't mind me saying. I went to a very selective school and a couple of my best friends didn't make the grade for the school's own sixth form, they were in lower sets than me when we got to O Level but we were still best friends. My children's friends are of a range of abilities, some not academic at all but excel in sports or arts. I firmly believe that all children are good at something as long as they have decent teachers.

I didn't read 'grammar material' as snobbish at all Deb70.
Not once did she mention the affluence of the family, I read it as he was also a bright child capable of passing the 11+ but the parents didn't want to go down the grammar route for their child.

Hi Phoenixmum and Debs70 - Phoenixmum is quite right, he is one of the top in the year (that was all I meant by 'grammar material': capable of passing the exam). His brother had previously taken the exam but missed out on Pates (which was the only school they had shared with because they didn't want him to have a long commute) and was really upset, so she didn't want to put her younger child through the same experience. His brother is now doing really well at a local comp so she's happy for him to follow. Which I think absolutely backs up your point (Debs70) that a bright child will do well at any school (although I note your point about if they have good teachers, and I couldn't agree more - can we assume that all Gloucestershire schools are good? From conversations with other parents I've heard that that is not always the case and is one reason so many of us want to get our kids into grammar schools.)

[Deb70]

Sadly we can not assume all schools are good. There are a lot of poor schools, which is one of the reasons why so many people want their child to go to a grammar school.
If only all children could have access to excellent teaching regardless of their ability.