Our story - a year on from 'failure'

U400JB9 · Post by **U400JB9** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 12:59 pm

She cried a lot last night, and then said she though she`d failed us and said she was sorry....which made me cry.

Today she is better, a couple of her classmates didn`t pass either so she`s feeling less alone.

She was a close fail at one of the schools....so I don`t know

twinkles · Post by **twinkles** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:17 pm

U400JB9 wrote:I have to vent.....there was one smug child rubbing it in at school today....wanted to slap her on DD`s behalf, she didn`t even ask how we did before going on and on!!!

Oh how awful! I am dreading picking my son up as I'm sure there will be some that have been like that too. I hope your daughter is OK when you pick her up.

Mum007 · Post by **Mum007** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:18 pm

U400JB9 wrote:I have to vent.....there was one smug child rubbing it in at school today....wanted to slap her on DD`s behalf, she didn`t even ask how we did before going on and on!!!
There were some real suprise fails at our school.
She failed the Dover test too, but we have decided not to appeal....there aren`t enough places for those who passed

Oh, that's dreadful. Don't you just want to bundle them up and away from it all?

Mum007 · Post by **Mum007** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:20 pm

MJMoore wrote:
U400JB9 wrote:We then had a chat about how some might feel if they've failed - so hopefully she's been considerate today.

That's lovely. Well done to you.

Mum007 · Post by **Mum007** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:29 pm

U400JB9 wrote:She cried a lot last night, and then said she though she`d failed us and said she was sorry....which made me cry.

Today she is better, a couple of her classmates didn`t pass either so she`s feeling less alone.

She was a close fail at one of the schools....so I don`t know

My son thought for quite a while that he'd let us down, but I was able to show him some journalling that I'd written about how proud I was of his efforts, that I believed he would do well in the future and that "Cream always rises to the top". Because it was already written he could see that it was very genuine and made him feel so much better.

It's always good to find others in the same boat, isn't it.

If you feel that it is right, once you get the scores, think hard about appealing. Fortunately those decisions do not have to be made in a hurry.

When it comes to the choice of school, even though it may be hard for you, you need to make his new school special in some way - "It's the best school that we visited for......" This school must never be second best. For him or her it has to be the best. They need to believe that, even though inside it can hurt a lot because it wasn't the vision you had for your child. For us, the allocated school was very much a dump when I went to Secondary School and it was/is overwhelmingly hard to shake that off.

Best wishes to you all today - it's a toughy.

2boydad · Post by **2boydad** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:23 pm

What do you do if having failed - the only school offered is really poor and you can find nothing good to say about it whatsoever ?

BTW - can the OP name the comp the DS went to as I'd like to move nearby

toy · Post by **toy** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:48 pm

Thanks Mum007 for posting this. This past days I've felt like a failure, it is more painful because DS is brilliant, naturally so. He's been always portrayed to me by all his teachers since ks1 as way above his level. I just can't get past the fact that he did so poorly, because he's so far been consistent. It's a shocker, if I had any inkling that he would fail, it would have soften the blow, I just expected him to pass, not necessarily a top scorer but at least a very good pass. Your words are thought provoking and I'm so glad DS has been able to cope well with the fact all his friends passed.

U400JB9 · Post by **U400JB9** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:49 pm

Well, she got 120, 120 and 109 in Maths.....she is 4a at school and predicted 5`s by xmas.
OH wants to appeal and so does she.....more stress......

;kysiesmum · Post by **;kysiesmum** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 11:03 pm

My friends son missed out on passing the Dover boys test last year by 2 points, she appealed with support from her sons HT and he got in.Part of the HT's advice was to do in depth book reports on 3 different books, apparently gs like this.Another thing if it is Dover girls you are doing the appeal for they may have an 'appeals lesson' the same as the boys school, it may be worth checking.

Mum007 · Post by **Mum007** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 11:27 pm

2boydad wrote:What do you do if having failed - the only school offered is really poor and you can find nothing good to say about it whatsoever ?

BTW - can the OP name the comp the DS went to as I'd like to move nearby

I really sympathise - I really do.

My OH always wanted to move to be closer to the 'better' local comp (just in case) as the catchment didn't come out as far as we live. The alternative indeed was really poor. This plagued us for a very long time - it was a huge issue for us. Interestingly, if we had have moved and he had have passed the 11+ we would then have been out of catchment for our preferred grammar!! The reason being last year threw up complete changes in the catchment patterns as far as we could tell. Parents no longer had to write down their choices on the CAF without knowing whether their child had passed or not. They no longer wrote down the 'better' comp for borderline kids using it as a safety net. Instead they allowed their kids to take the 11+ because they had nothing to lose. Some of those subsequently passed and were out of the equation when it came to allocation for the 'better' comp. Hope that makes sense.

Needless to say we were gobsmacked to be given the school my DS now attends.