Feeling a bit of a fraud

[Seen]

Hello everyone

I've been turning to this forum for all sorts of advice since my 1st DD sat the 11+ 3 years ago. You're all amazing,thank you!

Unfortunately my second DD hasn't been as lucky this year and although she passed the Medway test & scored very well in NVR & VR,she dropped 14 marks (yikes!) in Maths. She's was devastated at first (especially as OH read the email wrong & phoned to tell us she'd passed,a good 10 minutes before he realised his mistake & phoned back in a panic!).

She really want us to appeal to her sisters GS & would love to attend the open morning & eve (she's never actually been through the door,but her sister loves it!).

I'm happy to do so but I'm afraid of looking (and feeling) like a fraud,especially as there will be several girls from my daughters class looking around at roughly the same time (they're not very kind parents tbh & I'm sure I'll get some disapproving glances). The only nice thing is that I will be taking another of her friends whose parents will also be appealing.

I suppose my question is this...am I doing the right thing in taking her?
Am I being a complete wimp in worrying about other people?
I'm still on a bit of a roller coaster after the result!
Does anyone think I'm bonkers trying to appeal with a Maths score like that?


Any advice would be so gratefully received......I'm all over the place

Many thanks

[bromley mum]

I may get censored by the moderators, but I say, stuff them! If you want to go then go ahead.

Having said that just make sure that your DD doesn't fall more in love with this school than she already is, just in case things don't pan out in the appeal. The last thing you want is for her to feel even more dejected and then not want to think of other options. I hope the appeal works out and she gets what she wants. Just do what's best for her and never mind the rest!

[tigger2]

Just my opinion and I am probably alone but I don't see the point in putting her through an open evening at the moment.If you do decide to go remember that you don't have to justify your attendance to anyone ...However I would advise caution-I would not take ds to any gs open days when he didn't pass-he would have been even more devastated. If she hasn't seen the school anyway maybe it is better to wait. If you are successful at appeal I am sure you could arrange a quick tour before she started.

[bromley mum]

I agree with tigger2.

[neurotic kent mum]

I tend to agree with Tigger2. I couldn't bring myself to view any schools until after the results as I didn't want ds to want what he couldn't have. But whatever you decide don't worry about other parents or indeed us - you know your dd best!

[yoyo123]

Have a look at the appeals section especially the Q & A bit. If you decide that you have grounds for an appeal then you could take her. You know your daughter better than we do, do you think she would be desperately disappointed if she was unable to go after seeing it?

[JaLou]

Hi there, I have just joined as I too am reeling with a devastated DD and will be appealing. I will be going to the open evening but without my daughter as you never know what advise there might be on those appealing, I just couldn't rub her nose in it. We went to the High School open day a few weeks ago and the HT advised all those who don't get a place to go on the waiting list as all children on the list for the last 3 years had got a place. I know that has nothing to do with GS but its those sort of nuggets of information you may glean from visiting on your own?

PS my DD droppd more than that on maths

[Seen]

Thank you so much for your advice about not taking her. I took it & left her at home.
I ran into all the really dreadful parents at my primary school within the 1st 5 minutes of getting there(what were the chances,the school is HUGE?!!),and successfully (I think) managed to 'style it out' before running in the other direction!!!

It was real eye opener actually.DS1's school is amazing with great facilities but I know from our experience,that's its really rather pushy.
I'm starting to face the realisation that although DS2 is bright,she might benefit from a little less rigorous GS and be happier with a slightly gentler pace (maybe even a good non-GS? There's one near us but it's very run down indeed & I'm a little nervous of it ).

Think I need to lie down in a darkened room for a while...

JaLou- I feel your pain

[rabbit123]

hi.
I can realate to your story so well , it is soul destroying and such an emotional roller coaster. My Ds also did not get the maths and I was determined to appeal but after lots of talking, anaylizing and reading of this wonderful forum, we have decided to go for the local high school. And I actually feel excited about it.
The convesation I had with Ds tutor has made me feel even more sure. She said that although my Ds is working at level 4a/5c its the deeper understanding and applying which is the most important. And what is stopping her from being a 5c/5b is the fact that she has not quite got to the stage yet where she is really confident to take risks and apply her knowledge. She might struggle in a pushy GS and maybe she needs more time to develop this knowledge and grow with confidence. This is not the same for everyone, but maybe its also worth speaking to her teacher and finding out where exactly she is with her maths.