Have I left it too late?

Catherine · Post by **Catherine** » Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:02 pm

Your son's VR scores have definitely improved, WorriedMum. When is he taking the tests?

WorriedMum · Post by **WorriedMum** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:18 am

Catherine wrote:Your son's VR scores have definitely improved, WorriedMum. When is he taking the tests?

VR is in 12 days time.......

Catherine · Post by **Catherine** » Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:41 am

it looks like he is going to be fine. Best of luck!

WorriedMum · Post by **WorriedMum** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 1:24 pm

Oh dear.....

My son did another practice paper this morning, 11c VR.
I don't know what happened, but he read the first question and then went in to a total panic.
I calmed him down and told him to take deep breaths and if he couldn't answer a question, make a guess, circle the question number and move on, but he has to remain calm and not panic
He didn't manage to answer all the questions and when he finished the paper he burst into tears.
I feel terrible to be putting my child through this.
He lost all his confidence today - is this usual as the exam date gets nearer?
He didn't even want me to mark his practice paper to begin with but then he said I could mark it but not with him there.
He came in whilst I was marking it and when he saw me "ticking" his paper he decided to stay!
Anyway, he didn't get as good a result as usual - 71%, but considering the panic I was surprised he did as well as that.
We have had a sit down and a talk and lots of hugs and I have explained to him that panicking just makes things a whole lot worse and he needs to focus and that he CAN do this as he is a bright boy.
Any tips please?
I need to get his confidence back up.
Is it all worth it? I am so upset that he got like that as he doesn't need the stress at 10 years of age and it is our choice to put him through this.
How do you all deal with it?
Thanks.

Sally-Anne · Post by **Sally-Anne** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 2:08 pm

I had a similar experience with my own son - sudden, blind panic at the combination of needing to get it right and within the time allowed.

The suggestion I would make is to let him do the next paper completely "untimed". Just tell him to work at a good pace. Give him a break half way through for a drink and a biscuit, a chat, some chill time. That will relax him even further and mean that he will have no idea of how long he takes to do the paper.

Keep a note of the time he takes yourself though. When you mark the paper, see if his mark is better once the time pressure has gone.

My son's marks did improve, and he actually completed the paper in about 10 minutes over the time limit. I then cheated (

) by adding a couple of marks and telling him that he had completed the paper in 3 minutes over time. Don't over-egg it, just let him come to the conclusion in his own mind that it's OK after all. It restored my son's confidence completely and his marks soared for the next 2 papers.

Just my idea - if you decide to try it, I hope it helps.

Good luck
Sally-Anne

WorriedMum · Post by **WorriedMum** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 3:37 pm

Thanks Sally-Anne - may give that a try.
This afternoon he wanted to do a NVR paper but after this morning I was a little dubious to say the least.
Anyway, as he is stronger at NVR and wanted me to do it as well I said we'd give it a go.
I am so pleased we did as he scored 87% (I scored 85% lol).
Not only has that restored his confidence, he is thrilled that he is cleverer than his Mum!

At least now we know we have to work on his VR more than NVR.
Shame that the VR exam is first really.
Will keep you posted.

PS I keep telling myself (and him) that in 2 and a half weeks it will all be over.

Then comes the anticipation of the results.....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:49 pm

I did exactly the same with my son. Gave him some extra minutes at the end but didn't tell him which built his confidence. I would also sit down and do one alongside him and made sure he finished before me.

WorriedMum · Post by **WorriedMum** » Wed Sep 12, 2007 12:55 pm

Hi All,
My son had another bad bout of panic last week

BUT in a perverse way it has actually helped him!

He saw that the marks he got when he panicked were about 10-15% less than he gets if he remains calm so he has told me that it just made things worse. He did another paper last night (the last one before THE paper) and he didn't panic at all. He circled any he didn't know but made an educated guess before moving on to the next question. Left the Z type questions until last, finished with 7 minutes to spare (first time he has ever had time left!) and scored 84%.
I am so pleased with him and I do think that maybe he had to "learn the hard way" for himself in order to understand that all panic does is cause a mental block.
It was very distressing for us both at the time, but every cloud.....
Fingers crossed he keeps that frame of mind on the actual day.

WorriedMum · Post by **WorriedMum** » Sat Oct 13, 2007 11:46 am

Hi All,
It doesn't seem possible that just 4 months ago I was that stressed out Mum who started this thread.
I just wanted to let you know that we have my sons 11+ results and he passed!
So for all those of you who, like me, thought they'd left it too late, don't give up - it IS possible!

Thank you for all your help and support and reassurance. It made such a difference.

I would particularly like to thank Patricia for her tips and Andrew The Poet for his advice on which books helped his son. I know Patricia still posts on here so hopefully will read this, but if someone could pass on my thanks to Andrew I would be grateful.

Good luck to all of your children and I hope you all have a happy outcome too.

Charlotte67 · Post by **Charlotte67** » Sat Oct 13, 2007 6:24 pm

Fantastic news!!! Well done