Experience at Tiffin Girls

Eleven Plus (11+) in Surrey (Sutton, Kingston and Wandsworth)

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piggys
Posts: 1636
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:29 am

Re: Experience at Tiffin Girls

Post by piggys »

A thread about this issue is only ever going to be anecdotal. What will be a massive, all consuming problem for some parents and dc will barely touch the radar of other students and their parents. MN is a much more...candid site where posters often comment in a very detailed and prosaic fashion about serious matters. This site is far more restrained and censorious - which may or may not be a good thing when you need honesty and openness.

MH in our youth is a very serious concern for all of us. The incidence of MH problems affecting girls AND boys is considerable and we can all do our bit. IMO the following are all true:

- GS, esp the 'big names' like Tiffin, HBS, QE and so on are very pressurised because they are SS. The competition starts from the day you decide you want to attend.

- A lot of the pressure is self- applied because these schools attract hard sloggers and perfectionists.

- Some schools are better than others at offering good, supportive pastoral care. My dd is at HBS and the care has been really good. I'm hoping Middlesexmum and Jean.Brodie and Nyr will agree with me on that. My evidence is based on my dd's and her friends' experiences. I can't speak for other schools.

- A lot of pressure is exerted by parents. I know of some dd's at my daughter's school where parents threaten their dd's if they score below 90% on tests and assessments. Shame on you.

- Schools have had their budgets cut, cut and then cut again. There is no money. You think they can afford to employ counsellors and train people pastorally when they can't afford teachers for the core subjects? think again. There is a strong financial imperative here. The more money you take away, the more the pressure will increase. There is a reason why dc in the London boroughs have on average a waiting time of 8 months to be seem by CAMHS and it's all about money - or rather, the lack of it. It's an utter disgrace and our government, with its prevailing ideology of austerity, is costing young lives. And that's not me being histrionic or hyperbolising, that's me telling the truth.

- my dd really wanted to go to HBS and has had a really good experience. The school has had some terrible pastoral concerns which I won't go into but has dealt with them very well and with a lot of care. She had a bit of science tutoring in Y11 because it made her feel more confident and better prepped and yes it 'paid off'. The level of tutoring varies wildly - some girls have a fair bit, some get none - but you will never get a full picture here.

- if your dc isn't naturally able to get through the 11plus without years of slog and hard work then you should seriously question what, as a parent, you are making them do. Every year there is thread after thread from parents who spend hours daily on prep and who force their dc to endure horrendous journey times. What kind of pressure do you suppose this exerts on that child? will it be good for their MH?
loobylou
Posts: 2032
Joined: Thu Nov 27, 2014 5:04 pm

Re: Experience at Tiffin Girls

Post by loobylou »

Piggys is absolutely right.
There is no money for schools to provide the kind of support they used to for children with MH issues - or even just children who need support.
There is no money going into the health service. Nearly every trust is in deficit, primary care is just battening down the hatches and hoping to survive (or practices are closing. More and more every year). CAMHS has a waiting time close to a year in my borough. This is a result of austerity and this government.
(I agree with KCG that knowing the pathways and knowing how a school says it deals with MH issues and what their chain of pastoral care is, is important and reassuring. However not all schools do what their policies say they do. The person I know who attempted suicide as a young teenager just in the last couple of years was in a school whose pastoral care policies look awesome and they really weren't).
However also I think it's important that we don't conflate anxiety and mental health issues with high-achievers. There is a higher prevalence of all MH issues amongst children who come from less privileged backgrounds and who struggle at school (not that those are necessarily the same group, but in those two groups) than in the high-achieving group.
I had an interesting conversation with my year 11 dd this week, possibly triggered by our spending a few hours with a friend of hers (from out of school) who has a very traumatised backstory and is now fostered very successfully and happily by amazing people but has ongoing problems with academia.
At dd's school there is so much focus on support and help for those with anxiety/stress etc (which is a good thing and only possible because the school has additional funding). She was chatting to me and saying that, whilst she can understand people's anxieties to do well in her school, the reality is that for most of those students their results will not affect their future significantly and will not be life-altering. Whether they get 6s / 7s /8s/9s will only matter for a few days or weeks and then they'll move on. However for many year 11 students those results will direct their future. As dd said to me, "imagine if I was working really hard, just as hard as I am now, but I was desperately hoping for 4s and 5s. And then if I get them I can do what I want to but if I don't I have to rethink my plans. And even if I get them, no one would say that I'd done brilliantly, even if I'd worked so so hard. I think I'd feel really anxious and sad if I was in that position".
I think the focus on grades and league tables and results at this age is hugely detrimental to the MH of those in our society whose lives are tough. Government has a lot to answer for imo.
kenyancowgirl
Posts: 6738
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:59 pm

Re: Experience at Tiffin Girls

Post by kenyancowgirl »

quote: "...A lot of pressure is exerted by parents. I know of some dd's at my daughter's school where parents threaten their dd's if they score below 90% on tests and assessments. Shame on you..."

Yes, this! And also those who exert pressure on their children to do well in the 11+, or fight cat and dog to get them in, where the level of the child is borderline at best. Purely anecdotal but there is a child in one of my DS's year - he barely scraped in (on appeal, on the strength of very strong English skills but minimum maths level). He has been miserable at the school in lessons - loves the friends, the sport and everything else but is woefully behind academically. He also doesn't have that natural inclination to try hard and seek out help, which has compunded his problems. Everyone is very supportive but it has been apparent to everyone from basically end of Y7, that his time at the school will come to an end at Y11 as he will not meet the entry requirements for 6th Form. This child would have been far suited to an alternative simpler, slower pace, where his level (around 6s/7s) would put him in the top and improve his academic confidence no end, instead he feels he languishes right at the bottom academically. By the time his parents acknowledged (what the staff were saying about needing to put more effort in, try harder, come to extra lessons etc - all the support they possibly could give him) he was in the wrong place, they felt it was too late to move him. A child has to be happy first and foremost - then they will be allowed to fly in their own particular sphere of excellence, whatever that may be - and it certainly isn't academia/academic excellence for everyone.
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