New to Indie Sector!!

sp · Post by sp » Wed May 27, 2009 11:58 am

Well here I am posting in the indie section! After 2 failed appeals at a grammar and a C of E comp and no hope with the waiting lists we now have a DD starting at Lingfield Notre Dame in Sept.
Please don't anybody reply with negatives about the school, too late now! We all loved the school and my Yr 9 DS would have gone there if he hadn't been lucky in getting grammar place (we are out of county).
I have been offered some work on a part time basis, mostly from home, so hoping this will pay most of the fees and life can carry on as normal. It's just very daunting having been afull time Mum til now although as a friend pointed out I still will be as I'll be at home for hols, illness etc.
Any words of encouragement gratefully received, particularly from anyone in the same situation.

Post by **hermanmunster** » Wed May 27, 2009 12:07 pm

sp - good luck! - won't comment the school - can't - wrong end of the country!!!!
it isn't easy going through all the appliactions / appeals / waiting lists - takes ages and stressful too. Glad you have got sorted.
I used private primaries and was very happy with them, just ended up living next to state GS so catchment wasn't an issue. Hopefully Bougalou is lurking - she had DD1 go through appeals and then take up a place at an indie (where she herself got a job) - sure she will be able to advise you.

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Wed May 27, 2009 12:13 pm

Welcome to the indie section sp and I hope DD will have a great time when she starts her new school. Assuming you are a first time buyer I would just say that sometimes when we pay for education we expect it to be perfect and that they should bend over backwards at our request. It took me a while to realise there is no such thing as the perfect school regardless of how much you pay. Then there is the issue of wealth. I always felt like the poorest person at my childrens' schools but I probably wasn't. I spent too much wasted time feeling low about this or not inviting people round to my house because it was tiny compared to others. Most people are decent and do not care about others level of wealth (they are probably up to their eyeballs in debt anyway

) but it can be hard.

As for going back to work: do not feel guilty but be proud of yourself that you are willing to change your lifestyle to give your children the best opportunities.

sp · Post by sp » Wed May 27, 2009 12:15 pm

Thanks for that! Actually I come across as really selfish as what I should have said was that DD knows nobody in the whole school and is, quite understandably, really upset at not being where any of her friends are. No doubt she will make friends quickly and that will be a good thing (all the usual 11 year old girl stuff going on at the moment). She will also keep in touch with some of her current friends through guides, tennis and dance class, all in our village. I have talked to her about meeting up with friends at weekends etc but at the moment she can't see any positives, although does agree that the local comp wasn't an option.

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Wed May 27, 2009 12:19 pm

I would get in touch with Lingfield and ask if you can get in touch with any parents whose girls live in the area that are starting in September so you can get together with some mums during the Summer holidays. I did this at one school and organised a picnic for the whole class (there were only 20 starting so it was easy to do), but you could do it for anyone living close. You may even be able to start a car share by doing this.

Snowdrops · Post by **Snowdrops** » Wed May 27, 2009 12:29 pm

Awww, SP, I kinda know how you feel we almost were in the same situation as yourself, but got lucky at literally the last minute.

I can't comment on the school because I know nothing of it, but I would say, if you're happy with it then other people's opinions really don't matter.

My DD is in the same position as in not knowing anyone at the new school, but I'm sure your DD's new school will have an induction day and even possibly start back on the first day a day earlier than the rest of the school to give the new starters time to settle in and familiarise themselves. There will be a lot of children in your DD's new school who are in the same position. They'll all soon be getting on like a house on fire.

She'll have a fantastic time and in a few weeks you'll both be wondering why there was any worry in the first place.

sp · Post by sp » Wed May 27, 2009 12:35 pm

I thought that would be a good start for DD. I'll email the school this week and hope to get something positive sorted asap. Presumably they'll give others my details or can they give me phone numbers etc? There will be some children coming up from junior part of school but of course DD sees that as another negative ie "they'll all know one another and won't want me". Naturally I've tried to tell her that there will be others new to the school and also that she is a sociable girl who will join in. At the moment she is just quite negative about it all. I think when she starts to meet some people she'll be fine.

sp · Post by sp » Wed May 27, 2009 12:38 pm

Snowdrops, thanks for that I think we were posting at the same time! There is an induction day, actually only 4 hours including PE and lunch so I've told her she can have the day off school. Have also promised the dreaded mobile phone by then so she can swop numbers with new friends. Hoping that bribery will be a good incentive!

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Wed May 27, 2009 1:06 pm

I wonder if she's hearing negative things from her friends at school because she is going to an independent school - I would investigate if this is happening.

Northkentmum · Post by **Northkentmum** » Wed May 27, 2009 1:15 pm

Hi sp my DD1 started at indie in year 7, she also didn't know anyone else at the school and again a lot of her fellow classmates came up from juniors so all knew each other already.

Tell your DD not to worry as to be honest a new girl in the class is a novelty and so all the pupils will be especially nice and friendly whilst they all form new friendships and groups. My DD found that friendships that had been formed in juniors changed in seniors as the girls themselves changed and made new"best friends" so my DD was easily able to fit into the new class hierarchy.

She also kept in touch with friends from her primary school who were her "BBFL"

but gradually over time they all (her included)naturally moved on and she now mostly just communicates through msn whilst seeing just 1 friend from primary. Had I told her at the end of year 6 that this is what would have happened she would have vehemently denied it and said she would be close friends with them for ever however they change so much when going to senior school and my DD is now extremely happy with a completely new set of good friends so tell your DD not to worry and look forward to the new friendships she will make.