Do privately educated kids have 'x factor', and what is it?
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Chelmsford mum
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Bright kids of the right temperament and/or with the right family support will do well anywhere.Freya's popularT.i.p.s.y wrote:I don't believe for one minute that bright kids will do well anywhere.
daughter is evidence of the importance of family support.I got to university despite the lack of support and a "failing" school because of some weird determination.(temperament)It comes down to knowing your child and making the best of what resources you have, state or indep.
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And no, I didn't write the word 'gender' but my original 3-letter offering was censored - ouch!
They do have sex and drugs and rock 'n' roll at private schools too. Just more expensive ones.In a good school that would be academica, drama and sport but in a rough school he would be the dealer on the street corner - awful but true!
And no, I didn't write the word 'gender' but my original 3-letter offering was censored - ouch!
Bear in mind, too, that Freya’s DS is an international standard rugby player. Freya, I’ve no idea whether this attitude spills over into his academic studies but he clearly has the ability to be totally dedicated and focused.
Sounds to me like your DD is just taking a little longer to find her way through life, but with you behind her I have no doubt that she will.
On a slightly different note, I would politely suggest that it can be easier to spot potential problems arising if you see your DC every day rather than once or twice a term – whether you can do anything to head off said potential problem is, of course, an entirely different matter…
but he clearly has the ability to be totally dedicated and focused.Sounds to me like your DD is just taking a little longer to find her way through life, but with you behind her I have no doubt that she will.
On a slightly different note, I would politely suggest that it can be easier to spot potential problems arising if you see your DC every day rather than once or twice a term – whether you can do anything to head off said potential problem is, of course, an entirely different matter…
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another mother
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- Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2008 2:46 pm
CM I almost always agree with your sensible and sensitive posts 
- and heavens knows I wish we had better state options available to us but in defence of those who say bright children don't always live up their potential, our younger DD wasn't doing that at her nice primary. She had hearing issues, never properly addressed, and very few like minded girls in her class, and despite some lovely teachers, finished her time there with little self belief. In fact by the end she had entirely lost confidence.
She's at an indie now - classes of 25 incidentally - so not that small, and full of confident clever and apparently kind girls. Initially we worried she'd get even quieter and be more overfaced but what we've seen in the last 18 months is a massive jump both academically but much more importantly in self confidence and above all happiness. Maybe that would have happened too in a more rumbustious school of 2000 plus but I'm really not sure, she's the sort of horse you have to get to approach the horse trough sideways in blinkers!! She wouldn't ever put herself forward but now she's had to, and is doing so and it seems to be working. She's even trying debating - I know that's a small thing in a way but big for her! Her problem at primary was that she was both a good girl, and about able enough, to get rather overlooked beside other more needy characters, and yet she did need a bit of help.
I don't think she wouldn't have worked somewhere else - she's super diligent and wants to please (that's girls for you Tipsy!) - but it seems to be easier for her now to find like minded souls and that is definitely helping. Doing well is something she cares about - and is no longer odd. She's enjoyed being more stretched than she (and perhaps we) thought was possible for her, from the beginning. That may not be specifically because of being at an independent - but it is perhaps to do with a gentler and more supportive ethos than our local school is able to offer easily.
- and heavens knows I wish we had better state options available to us but in defence of those who say bright children don't always live up their potential, our younger DD wasn't doing that at her nice primary. She had hearing issues, never properly addressed, and very few like minded girls in her class, and despite some lovely teachers, finished her time there with little self belief. In fact by the end she had entirely lost confidence. She's at an indie now - classes of 25 incidentally - so not that small, and full of confident clever and apparently kind girls. Initially we worried she'd get even quieter and be more overfaced but what we've seen in the last 18 months is a massive jump both academically but much more importantly in self confidence and above all happiness. Maybe that would have happened too in a more rumbustious school of 2000 plus but I'm really not sure, she's the sort of horse you have to get to approach the horse trough sideways in blinkers!! She wouldn't ever put herself forward but now she's had to, and is doing so and it seems to be working. She's even trying debating - I know that's a small thing in a way but big for her! Her problem at primary was that she was both a good girl, and about able enough, to get rather overlooked beside other more needy characters, and yet she did need a bit of help.
I don't think she wouldn't have worked somewhere else - she's super diligent and wants to please (that's girls for you Tipsy!) - but it seems to be easier for her now to find like minded souls and that is definitely helping. Doing well is something she cares about - and is no longer odd. She's enjoyed being more stretched than she (and perhaps we) thought was possible for her, from the beginning. That may not be specifically because of being at an independent - but it is perhaps to do with a gentler and more supportive ethos than our local school is able to offer easily.
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Chelmsford mum
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- Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:16 pm
Hello AM (well they cal me CM 
),
Glad your daughter is sooo happy and doing well.
I am not saying that some children do not live up to their potential due to the school they go to.I agree that happens.
At the moment I worry a lot about my little one and would be tempted by the indep sector for her for primary if it was an option.
I think success does all come down to temperament/ family support and the best school you can find for them at that time. I grew up in a London borough where all the schools were "failing" and my parents ,at times, opposed my determination to learn.I still got to the university of my choice.A bright child, with the right temperament/ personality/ whatever you want to call it can succeed in less than perfect surroundings.It's very risky though.
As parents we want to reduce the risk factors in their education, though grammar, private, moving, suporting them in their local comp, extra curricular activities etc Reducing the risks..that's how we all end up on this forum.
),Glad your daughter is sooo happy and doing well.
I am not saying that some children do not live up to their potential due to the school they go to.I agree that happens.
At the moment I worry a lot about my little one and would be tempted by the indep sector for her for primary if it was an option.I think success does all come down to temperament/ family support and the best school you can find for them at that time. I grew up in a London borough where all the schools were "failing" and my parents ,at times, opposed my determination to learn.I still got to the university of my choice.A bright child, with the right temperament/ personality/ whatever you want to call it can succeed in less than perfect surroundings.It's very risky though.
As parents we want to reduce the risk factors in their education, though grammar, private, moving, suporting them in their local comp, extra curricular activities etc Reducing the risks..that's how we all end up on this forum.
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another mother
- Posts: 269
- Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2008 2:46 pm
CM - thanks for that. it wasn't criticism - and it is certainly true you have to deal with what you have and do the best you can. In retrospect we should probably have done more for DD2 but on the other hand, its panning out alright now. Our elder one would probably do fine anywhere but she is very centred and always has been. What is a comfort is feeling things have improved for DD2. But who knows what's round the corner. Maybe she'll be behind the bike sheds next! 
and we'll be wishing she hadn't grown up after all.
In the end I completely agree it is all only risk reduction and the thing that may matter most, which is the one thing you totally can't guarantee, is who they make friends with and how deep those friendships go.
I hope your little one settles soon.
and we'll be wishing she hadn't grown up after all.In the end I completely agree it is all only risk reduction and the thing that may matter most, which is the one thing you totally can't guarantee, is who they make friends with and how deep those friendships go.
I hope your little one settles soon.
Can only speak from personal experience but the choice for my very able GD was a supposedly excellent comp or a local Indie. She goes to the Indie where I pay half her fees & she is thriving in a class of 16 - she is at the top of her class, getting better marks than the two scholarship girls, and she absolutely loves school. Of course she ought to have gone to GS but she just missed it - she was not intensively coached like most of the girls who did make it.
Would she have been as happy at the comp? Class size there is 30+, it is mixed, it has the reputation of being 'chavvy' and when my DS went there to check it out he said he felt scared in the corridors- and he is 48 and a big fellow! Just our 2 cents.
Would she have been as happy at the comp? Class size there is 30+, it is mixed, it has the reputation of being 'chavvy' and when my DS went there to check it out he said he felt scared in the corridors- and he is 48 and a big fellow! Just our 2 cents.
Rob - thanks for that encouragement! Yes, I think you are right about DD - she's one who has to learn through experience and from that comes determination. It's such a long route though (I know, I was similar) and in today's world much harder this way.Bear in mind, too, that Freya’s DS is an international standard rugby player. Freya, I’ve no idea whether this attitude spills over into his academic studies but he clearly has the ability to be totally dedicated and focused.
Sounds to me like your DD is just taking a little longer to find her way through life, but with you behind her I have no doubt that she will.
DS can be incredibly determined and focused and is just learning to harness this academically. His school environment now is one where to do so is normal though. The discipline of rugby (over 4 years) has also taught him to never give up and always keep on trying no matter how tough things get.
So yes, they are different people and DS may have had the determination and focus to do well wherever he went but after DD I wasn't taking any chances!
This is a difficult debate: there are individual schools (not general categories of school that conform exactly to the same templates), there are individual families (not stereotyped classes) and there are above all individual children each with their own personalities. I don't think it is possible to resolve all that into a answer to the opening question!
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T.i.p.s.y
Hi Amber,Amber wrote:.They do have gender and drugs and rock 'n' roll at private schools too. Just more expensive ones.In a good school that would be academica, drama and sport but in a rough school he would be the dealer on the street corner - awful but true!
And no, I didn't write the word 'gender' but my original 3-letter offering was censored - ouch!
My point is though that being on stage, or being academically good is often not seen as "cool" in certain schools but if they are in others then my son would happily do that than go looking for drugs.
