11 Plus Exams Forum

I have a real dilemma. We have been offered a House within a boarding school that we really do not want - it was our last choice out of the ones we'd seen. Now normally I would pick a school because of the school and not the House but in a full boarding environment the House is key to the child as it is their pastoral home. I am seriously thinking about sending DS elsewhere now because I am very unhappy. I know the Head and parents at our prep school will think we are mad although I'm not sure why so I'm hoping for some advice. Last year we turned down one of DS schools that he had been accepted to. The Housemaster was amazing but we couldn't afford multiple deposits and we assumed we would find other Houses at the school we chose to pursue but this is not the case. And no, we can't go back to the previous school as the House is now full.

If you aren't going to be happy WFG then best to look elsewhere while you have the opportunity.

I'd mention it to the Head. You may find that if they're going to lose a pupil they'll find space elsewhere...

How does DS feel about the situation?

At the end of the day if all of you are unhappy and there are no alternatives then it would be best to look elsewhere. I would make sure all avenues are explored as any unnecessary disruptions may cause problems in the future....

DS has decided he's going to the school regardless if he doesn't like the House (wich he didn't) and is now finding reasons why he liked it! OH won't even consider any other school so it looks like it's just me and my gut instinct!

Do you know a bit about the school and the pastoral in different houses? I am assuming you do and probably the reason you have strong feeling towards one.

Are you really sure its the school for your DS because surely house choice cant be a deal breaker??? If DS is now happy with the house he is allocated then thats what matters isnt it? He is the one who will be in it 24/7 so he needs to be happy with this choice. If I were you I wouldnt even bother trying for a diff house if your DS is ok with the choice now because it will feel like this house is second best. Perhaps biting your words now and just make it feel like it is the best after all even though deep down you know it isnt.

dying to know which school this is

It's all sorted! I've gone from angst to thinking it's the best House in the world in under 12 hours!

I spent a long time talking to the Housemaster and it goes to show that first impressions should not be counted when it comes to my judgement. The more I spoke to him the more I realised he and his House was actually perfect for DS. I don't know what was wrong with me when I went to visit - maybe I was hungry or tired, or maybe he was!

So we are all on track...saga over....apologies!

Hi there WFG. I don't post much but follow your threads with interest. I am glad you are now happy with the House. It's important that he is happy where he goes to school.
Could I pick your brains? How many school moves is too many? Is it important to stick with a school even if there are niggles? You seem a bit of an expert, has your son attended many different schools and, if so, does he struggle to adjust? Do you move him only if he is unhappy or have you ever moved him when he is content?

Hi Pie in the Sky,

I suppose I should ask how many school moves already?

To be honest DS1 was ok but by the time he goes to senior school he will have done the maximum 5 years at his prep and he should do the maximum 5 years at his senior school so apart from an unsettled start he will be doing what most boarding prep educated children do. Although never ideal I think moving when they are very young does not have the same impact as when they get to Yr4+.

However, we are really struggling with DS2 who has had many moves too. I fully intend for him to stay at his current school until Yr8 eventhough I have a number of concerns and he is not doing very well this term. I have often been hasty and pulled them out but with hindsight I should have either chosen more wisely from the start or tried to work with the school more. Some schools you can work with, others you can't!

It also depends on your goals. If you want a specific senior school then find a feeder and keep them there. If you are worried about academics then this will probably cause you a lot of stress so better to move them than become more and more frustrated, but make sure you pick the right school so the same issues do not occur. Often the niggles are more to do with our expectations than the school. And all private schools are flawed - if you go in with that attitude then generally one is pleasantly surprised when good things happen, which is often!

But after today I would definitely tell you to have open dialogue with the school and especially with teachers you may have a problem with!

Sorry, meant to say that I moved them when I was unhappy. With DS1 it was to do with academics and DS2 because he wasn't fitting in socially or was being bullied so with DS2 because he was unhappy. If I could do it all again then I wouldn't have moved DS1 but at the time finances were part of the decision too and we had spells of Home-Ed, looking for cheaper schools, state schools or schools that offered scholarships.