One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Independent Schools as an alternative to Grammar

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loopylou
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Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 9:08 am

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by loopylou »

I also agree that private doesn't always mean better.
Many families face the dilemma whereby one child gets accepted at a state grammar school and the other child does not. If they have a decent non-selective school locally this may not be a problem. However, it could easily be the case that the state grammar school is more on a par with the local indie than it is with the local non-selective options. In that case sending the younger one to state school may also be unfair, if you judge things that way, because the younger child will be getting a considerably worse deal than their sibling. In such instances sending the younger one private is merely ensuring they both get comparable opportunities.


The same applies in areas where siblngs cannot always get into the same secondary school (no sibling priority for places or partially selective status or single sex schools with siblings of different genders etc)
Amber
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:59 am

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by Amber »

hermanmunster wrote:Just taking the whole saga one stage further ... university is awfully expensive .

if one kid wanted to go and the other didn't - what would you do ?
Support the one that went or don't support them because you don't aren't supporting the other?
I think that is different. The point I am making is that it is most unlikely that a child's needs can only be met by a very expensive top league public school, the attendance at which would require enormous sacrifices from the whole family and impact heavily on another child who is not in a position to influence the decision at all.

I agree LLL- this can become very nuanced. I do not believe you have to do 'the same' for all your offspring. But you do have to balance the needs of an individual with those of the family - this is a good lesson for life. I am facing it myself at the moment in a different scenario, and there are no easy answers.
Adorablesmum
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Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 1:12 pm

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by Adorablesmum »

At Hermanmunster in regard to one child wanting to go to university and the other not wanting to go, at list at this age, it is not the parents choice but the childrens' as they are then old enough to make decisions but not at this stage (10/11 yrs). :)
Loopyloulou
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Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2008 5:20 pm

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by Loopyloulou »

Amber wrote: I agree LLL
(nb not LLL - just LL :wink:. LLL firmly believes that private always means better!)
Loopy
Amber
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:59 am

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by Amber »

Loopyloulou wrote:
Amber wrote: I agree LLL
(nb not LLL - just LL :wink:. LLL firmly believes that private always means better!)
I did wonder... :wink:

Signed - Just Amber. Not Revolutionary Amber, who firmly believes it never does!
London-Dad
Posts: 43
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:44 am

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by London-Dad »

Surely this is more about "equality of opportunity" than "equality of outcome" ?

It is not entirely clear from your OP...but I am assuming that both your sons went to the same primary / prep school before taking on the 11+ process...

If so... they were both given the same opportunities ahead of taking some selective / competitive exams...

To put some sort of artificial cap / limit on your choices of secondary school for your younger son... because of the choices available to your older son (who is seemingly less academic) seems to make no sense to me.

You seem to have some pretty level-headed children who can understand the nuances + implications of what is involved here...and as financial circumstances allow...you can always favour / prioritise your older son when it comes to things like optional school trips abroad etc

My parents made a number of sacrifices to educate myself + my siblings at a mixture of state schools / private schools (assisted by various scholarships etc along the way).
Whilst not ramming it down our throats...we were all fully aware of the implications for things like family holidays (i.e. basic at home....rather than luxurious abroad)
The whole process:
- brought us together as a family
- helped teach us the value of money
- instilled in all of us an appreciation of the importance of education + making the most of the opportunities you are given

My mother was at times juggling 3 part-time jobs with the school-run...but never once complained about the pressure she was putting on herself.

I also believe that independent schools tend to add most value for bright children...where they are stretched more than in the equivalent state school...and can benefit most from the exploration of "off-curriculum" material that tends to take place much more in the independent sector.
Yamin151
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Joined: Fri Aug 30, 2013 8:30 am

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by Yamin151 »

hermanmunster wrote:Just taking the whole saga one stage further ... university is awfully expensive .

if one kid wanted to go and the other didn't - what would you do ?
Support the one that went or don't support them because you don't aren't supporting the other?
Why does university come into it? Wh have no intention of funding our children through university and fail to understand why others do, although of course you do what you like with your money. Our opinion is that you get a student loan which doesn't have to be paid back until you are earning enough to pay it, then it's paid at a tiny amount of your disposable income per month, and represents a much better costed way of borrowing money vs parents taking out loans etc. Vs cash int he bank, no, maybe not, but even then there is the discussion to be had abou whether it's actually good for young adults to become more aware of money earlier on and leave the bank of mum and dad. If we did have the cash for university, I think we'd rather help with a house deposit (maybe we'd match what they saved) than just bank roll university. Part of my uni education was knowing that I had to pay the piper, and they've been working their way through uni for years in america. In line with this we are making sure our boys don't grow up feeling like victims due to horrible government making them take out a student loan, but more that if you believe in yourself, take the loan and in the fullness of time when your hard work pays off, if you've been sensible you'll have a fully manageable amount to pay back.
Finchley mum
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Joined: Sun Oct 13, 2013 7:00 pm

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by Finchley mum »

Its up to you as a family to make it work whatever you decide. My mother was quite marxist about it all and gave all "according to need" - (as much as one could as a single mother). So one sister goes to fee paying school and then posh secretarial college, another gets scholarship to St pauls (and goes to oxford) and I went to local comp. We all accepted this as normal and what we did to pull in together as a family. We were proud of each other's achievements. Financially, I am the most successful (city lawyer) but one sister is a published author (with a number of literary prizes) and the other has a pretty good political career on the side of a job in the civil service. So doing it differently for each child worked for us because we bear no resentment and also believe its our role to help each other out. Its actually better to be the older child with less needs to be proud of his younger brother - that quality bodes very well for future life.
Rob Clark
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Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by Rob Clark »

you are implying that private schools are 'better' than state just by virtue of their fee paying status.
Er, no I'm not! I neither subscribe to that view nor have I implied it.
hermanmunster
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Location: The Seaside

Re: One in independent school and the other not... Help?

Post by hermanmunster »

Yamin151 wrote:
hermanmunster wrote:Just taking the whole saga one stage further ... university is awfully expensive .

if one kid wanted to go and the other didn't - what would you do ?
Support the one that went or don't support them because you don't aren't supporting the other?
Why does university come into it? Wh have no intention of funding our children through university and fail to understand why others do, although of course you do what you like with your money. .
The maximum loan my kids can get to go to university covers about 50% of the accommodation fee, so nowt for travel / books etc etc. OK some kids can earn some to help but still there is a deficit.

Not sure how old your kids are but I didn't twig how small the loan was until first one was in year 13.
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