State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
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kelwaypops
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 8:08 pm
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
here here Amber. i agree. mind you, dd knows i never get sucked into the 'but blah blah has one'. call me old fashioned but i don't buy her grown up clothes compared to alot of children i see her age. plenty of time for her to be a teenager. bless, but she agrees with me 
i have already warned her that by going to this school there will be alot of 'one upmanship' when it comes to clothes etc but fortunately she is like her parents, not overly impressed with material things, not in a 'keeping up' type of way. if i do buy some high(er), still no high, shoes, i would NEVER wear them with a smart outfit, just to tidy myself up a little. tbh i have been toying with the idea for ages. used to have a flatmate who only wore chanel block heeled classics, always admired them 
i have already warned her that by going to this school there will be alot of 'one upmanship' when it comes to clothes etc but fortunately she is like her parents, not overly impressed with material things, not in a 'keeping up' type of way. if i do buy some high(er), still no high, shoes, i would NEVER wear them with a smart outfit, just to tidy myself up a little. tbh i have been toying with the idea for ages. used to have a flatmate who only wore chanel block heeled classics, always admired them -
kelwaypops
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 8:08 pm
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
ah MissMolly! i forgot you have a dc going to the same school!! it would certainly be lovely to meet and say hello. yes, dh and i are going to the evening event next tuesday (we will have to leave dd at home as i don't think we are supposed to bring our dc with us although not 100%). honestly, i am a very confident outward type of person but i crumbled at the school the other day. dh thought it was funny (he is working abroard at the moment) but i didn't. there was some nice food although i was too nervous to eat anything. instead, i found myself (at the beginning) sitting on the stage reading a book next to a little boy on an ipad 
i was really self conscious. i had an ipad in my bag too (candy crush...) but thought that would be going too far if i had got that out 
i was really self conscious. i had an ipad in my bag too (candy crush...) but thought that would be going too far if i had got that out -
kelwaypops
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 8:08 pm
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
MissMolly - we will be easy to recognise. DH has really long curly hair and a very big beard (makes his sound like a fisherman!!). I myself and small, usually with my hair worn up (in a bun) and with (50's style) glasses. Not sure yet however what to wear.......i don't think i will conform however with dress sense, i will more than likely stick with casual attire although no idea as to what form that will take. Come and say hello!!
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
I'm absolutely with Amber on this one.
I actually feel MORE comfortable at events at our daughter's indie than at our son's GS. The GS events are populated by a particularly loud, pushy self-satisfied bunch who all seem to know each other (parents association? sports teams? Masonic lodge?) and my comfort zone is further eroded by Master 1880 being a chronically underachieving sociopath so I know all the teachers are quietly judging me for my numerous parental failings .
Daughter's school also has its share of loud braying people, but it's actually a rather less dominating group (possibly fewer "self-made" individuals - nice of them to take the blame themselves I always think). There's a small group of us who are distinctly cast from another mould entirely and are always delighted to see the other outcasts and misfits, and there's a group of nice teachery/university sort of families who fill what might otherwise be an awkward gap in the middle. (And it definitely helps that Miss 1880 has an enthusiastic fan club in the staff room and appears to get on with most of her peers across the social spectrum, so I don't have to imagine that anyone is muttering darkly behind my back about either her or me).
If you don't find it gets any easier, why not just skip the social events? They're only there to bolster the insecurities of that same group of people you don't like. Most parents won't attend them anyway.
Mike
I actually feel MORE comfortable at events at our daughter's indie than at our son's GS. The GS events are populated by a particularly loud, pushy self-satisfied bunch who all seem to know each other (parents association? sports teams? Masonic lodge?) and my comfort zone is further eroded by Master 1880 being a chronically underachieving sociopath so I know all the teachers are quietly judging me for my numerous parental failings
.Daughter's school also has its share of loud braying people, but it's actually a rather less dominating group (possibly fewer "self-made" individuals - nice of them to take the blame themselves I always think). There's a small group of us who are distinctly cast from another mould entirely and are always delighted to see the other outcasts and misfits, and there's a group of nice teachery/university sort of families who fill what might otherwise be an awkward gap in the middle. (And it definitely helps that Miss 1880 has an enthusiastic fan club in the staff room and appears to get on with most of her peers across the social spectrum, so I don't have to imagine that anyone is muttering darkly behind my back about either her or me).
If you don't find it gets any easier, why not just skip the social events? They're only there to bolster the insecurities of that same group of people you don't like. Most parents won't attend them anyway.
Mike
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
Kelwaypops, you are a funny woman you are making me laugh with the description of you and your husband kelwaypops wrote:MissMolly - we will be easy to recognise. DH has really long curly hair and a very big beard (makes his sound like a fisherman!!). I myself and small, usually with my hair worn up (in a bun) and with (50's style) glasses. Not sure yet however what to wear.......i don't think i will conform however with dress sense, i will more than likely stick with casual attire although no idea as to what form that will take. Come and say hello!!
Am sure you might have noticed me on that day, I was in an orange dress and I had ds2 with me whom I went to pick from school. I will definitely be on the lookout for you guys. Hopefully things won’t be as bad .Not sure if ds will be coming with us yet. And as to what am wearing, I will be in my relaxed self ,be casually dressed in my jeans and top as I would have been back from work at that time and just to add, ds is from a state school too like your dc.
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kelwaypops
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 8:08 pm
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
miss molly - isn't it a beautiful school? i am so excited for her to be going there. The children seem really lovely, very polite (old fashioned). tbh i didn't (knowingly) see you. I had gone into shy mode and didn't want to make eye contact with people for fear of looking desperate (desperately lonely) so i didn't look up & around much, isn't that pathetic for a grown woman nearing 50 !! must dash, hope to say hello on tuesday
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fairyelephant
- Posts: 588
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- Location: N London
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
The bus stop chat comes naturally to me although round here talking to strangers makes peoples eyes dart nervously around as they assume you are a nutter..... Perhaps they are not wrong! However any gathering like that described by op turns me into a gibbering wreck - went to one at ds new school this week, DH disappeared off happily chatting to all and sundry whereas I struggle imagining everyone is cleverer/ more interesting/funnier/ better dressed etc etc. I think everyone feels the same, to a greater or lesser degree, it's just a matter of remembering that I guess.
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kelwaypops
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 8:08 pm
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
missmolly - lovely to meet you this evening! sorry we didn't get to talk at the after drinks. Looks there will be many opportunities to meet up as there will be many gatherings there including the fireworks display!! The meeting today was much better than the one last week. Even if my husband hadn't been there, it felt alot friendlier today. I hope you had a nice time too.
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
Felt something similar when my DD started in Yr 7 at an indie coming from a state school. This is what I've learnt:
It's much less important at secondary level than at primary level to be "friends" with the other parents. In fact you really never see them again unless you want to. There is none of that waiting around outside the school gate social thing, since the kids mostly are independent travelers.
While people congregate towards the other parents they know at the early events, very often they are not actual close friends but rather thrown together by circumstances and are quite happy to meet new faces.
The kids will make friends easily, whatever their background. It then becomes your choice whether you want to get to know some of the parents of your DC's child better or not.
[this is not a general fact, but my personal experience] The parents that were loud and asking somehwat pushy/ obnoxious questions at the first parents meeting were in no way representative of the other parents - in fact most other parents were not impressed. The nice ones are the quiet ones!
After 2 years there are a few mums that I know and like, although we rarely see each other. My dd has many many friends and is very happy, she couldn't care less about my involvement (or lack of) in school social events. So I really wouldn't worry about it too much!
It's much less important at secondary level than at primary level to be "friends" with the other parents. In fact you really never see them again unless you want to. There is none of that waiting around outside the school gate social thing, since the kids mostly are independent travelers.
While people congregate towards the other parents they know at the early events, very often they are not actual close friends but rather thrown together by circumstances and are quite happy to meet new faces.
The kids will make friends easily, whatever their background. It then becomes your choice whether you want to get to know some of the parents of your DC's child better or not.
[this is not a general fact, but my personal experience] The parents that were loud and asking somehwat pushy/ obnoxious questions at the first parents meeting were in no way representative of the other parents - in fact most other parents were not impressed. The nice ones are the quiet ones!
After 2 years there are a few mums that I know and like, although we rarely see each other. My dd has many many friends and is very happy, she couldn't care less about my involvement (or lack of) in school social events. So I really wouldn't worry about it too much!
Re: State School to Private.......felt uncomfortable
It was lovely to meet you too and your Dh.It's unfortunate we didn't really get to chat.The meeting was great ,everyone had the opportunity of getting acquainted and meeting the form teachers.And i had a great time.Am glad we made the decision to send Ds there.What a lovely school !The kids are so polite and helpful.Looking forward to many more gatherings and I hope to see you soon.kelwaypops wrote:missmolly - lovely to meet you this evening! sorry we didn't get to talk at the after drinks. Looks there will be many opportunities to meet up as there will be many gatherings there including the fireworks display!! The meeting today was much better than the one last week. Even if my husband hadn't been there, it felt alot friendlier today. I hope you had a nice time too.
