Vilification of going independent route

Independent Schools as an alternative to Grammar

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PettswoodFiona
Posts: 2134
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 11:24 pm
Location: Petts Wood, Bromley, Kent

Re: Vilification of going independent route

Post by PettswoodFiona »

Thanks for all the comments, a lot to take on board.

I mentioned my daughter is bright in this thread here as I can be frank and clear about my reasons in the anonymity of this forum. As I said there are lot of people who don't know my daughter goes to a private school and I certainly don't boast about her ability (except to close family members who rather like hearing about it :wink: ), however proud I might be. I focus on the fact that my daughter likes to work hard which I am even more proud about. I remember reading somewhere that studies have demonstrated that telling a child they are bright can have the reverse of the desired effect as they end up coasting and not trying relying instead of some intangible ability. She is also very sensitive to others who are less able and has a huge amount of patience and encouragement with others - a year of being treated as a classroom assistant in her previous school did do some great good in that regard even if she wasn't learning anything new!

Yes if I stayed put and spent a lot of energy working with the Head it may have improved marginally, but my efforts to work with the school were extensive for a year and I didn't see the options that were put before me of just more extension work at home as acceptable, what is she meant to do in school all day? I wasn't prepared to stick around while they spent years modifying their approach, my daughter only gets one chance. Yes, that is putting self and my child above society. I appreciate that and take it on the chin. However Daughter's school swimming pool is used by several nearby state schools (meaning she only swims once a fortnight rather than every week which is no hardship), as are the playing fields made available and other opportunities so they do give back to a small degree - now I am clutching at straws again trying to 'justify' things, oh dear!

When I find myself in circles where people are talking about others who have 'sold out' I can end up being rather quiet or trying to argue that there are two sides to every situation and they might need to consider the reasons someone has chosen one school over another. - I do believe a good all ability school can work, but sadly the way schools are funded it is not a reality in many instances as I think one other poster responded and it isn't all the fault of those who leave the system. I often use an an example a friend of mine who has one son in a private school and one in a state school as each son was different and each one's needs were best met by the schools they attend.
copella
Posts: 1200
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:51 pm

Re: Vilification of going independent route

Post by copella »

I don't see why you feel you need to justify your decision. No one has said you shouldn't send your dd to an independent school. You are within your rights to do so as g55 said just ignore the haters. However just be aware there are those who have strong views about private education and you will both have to agree to disagree.
salsa
Posts: 2686
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:59 am

Re: Vilification of going independent route

Post by salsa »

Hi PettswoodFiona,
I'm glad you pointed out that you were being honest about your daughter's ability because this forum is anonymous. I thought as much. I can see you have chosen what's best for your child. Most of us do.
A good school may not necessarily cater for every child. Mind you, a lot can be said for being an assistant as this method of pupil teaching is preferred and used a lot in Japan. Rosemary Sage has written a lot about it. However, there are many good schools who do not cater well for the very able. Yes, we have to accept that some children are more able/academic than others. The line, "this school is more suitable for my child" may not do with everyone. They may ask you the reason and you may feel it rude not to respond. So, I can see why you justify yourself. People may compare such and such who went to this or that school and their schooling outcomes. You know what? They are not your daughter whom you know well and is doing well at her new school.
When I decided to go the selective route I was told that I would loose some friends! Well, that is sad, but I did what I thought was best for my son as he is my priority. Whatever you do, not everyone will approve.
Amber
Posts: 8058
Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:59 am

Re: Vilification of going independent route

Post by Amber »

salsa wrote:When I decided to go the selective route I was told that I would loose some friends! Well, that is sad, but I did what I thought was best for my son as he is my priority. Whatever you do, not everyone will approve.
A good friend would not stop being a friend just because of choices you make, even if they don't approve of them. Friendships are lost over other things - maybe the way one portrays one's child, and no one likes a person who believes their child to be in some way superior to others. While we all think our children are very special, not everyone will share that view or want it repeating for their benefit. As long as everyone remembers this, then proper friendships are probably safe and a good place to discuss doubts, hopes and worries, about school and other things on the fraught road of parenting.

Also worth remembering that children who appear supremely bright at primary school often don't amount to anything special later on, and the slow starter can often be the big surprise when results start to matter. Hares and tortoises... :wink:
Catseye
Posts: 1824
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:03 pm
Location: Cheshire

Re: Vilification of going independent route

Post by Catseye »

PettswoodFiona wrote:When I find myself in circles where people are talking about others who have 'sold out' I can end up being rather quiet
don't worry about it , I sold my soul sometime ago it certainly does not keep me quiet and I still believe in fully comprehensive , non-selective education for all.

Apartheid based on intelligence is no better than apartheid based around race and should be abhorrent to any civilized society.

All are equal, arrogance and prejudice always comes as treating others as different or inferior usually because one has little contact with the "other"

So stop beating yourself up, you are a mere amateur at being a hypocrite :oops:
salsa
Posts: 2686
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:59 am

Re: Vilification of going independent route

Post by salsa »

Amber wrote:
salsa wrote:When I decided to go the selective route I was told that I would loose some friends! Well, that is sad, but I did what I thought was best for my son as he is my priority. Whatever you do, not everyone will approve.
A good friend would not stop being a friend just because of choices you make, even if they don't approve of them. Friendships are lost over other things - maybe the way one portrays one's child, and no one likes a person who believes their child to be in some way superior to others. While we all think our children are very special, not everyone will share that view or want it repeating for their benefit. As long as everyone remembers this, then proper friendships are probably safe and a good place to discuss doubts, hopes and worries, about school and other things on the fraught road of parenting.

Also worth remembering that children who appear supremely bright at primary school often don't amount to anything special later on, and the slow starter can often be the big surprise when results start to matter. Hares and tortoises... :wink:
I know, I haven't lost friends yet! I was warned by a mother who already had a son at grammar, so I had the benefit of her experience and could be extra sensitive. I have gained a few, though. :D
Amber
Posts: 8058
Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 11:59 am

Re: Vilification of going independent route

Post by Amber »

Catseye wrote: don't worry about it , I sold my soul sometime ago it certainly does not keep me quiet and I still believe in fully comprehensive , non-selective education for all.

Apartheid based on intelligence is no better than apartheid based around race and should be abhorrent to any civilized society.
+1 :)
salsa
Posts: 2686
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:59 am

Re: Vilification of going independent route

Post by salsa »

Oh, I've also heard this program about intelligence and education. See what you think. I found it interesting. Some of the arguments have been made on this forum. Maybe we should go on the program!

The Moral Maze, BBC radio 4.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b03fdjsp" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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