How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Independent Schools as an alternative to Grammar

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prospect
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:09 pm

How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by prospect »

All
Our DD sat for 3 indies and has so far received a rejection from the one she felt she did the best at and it has knocked the wind out of her sails. She is feeling very anxious now and with the next set of results out around mid-Feb we can't seem to say anything to calm her. She has an older sister at one of the indies we are still awaiting results for but feels it was her worst performance. What kind of preference do indies give to siblings?

Also, sending her to a fee paying prep school I refused to send her for extra tution but now regret it as I now realise most of her classmates were all tutored. Incredibly frustrating all round. My second question is did any prep parents tutor their DS/DD despite advice not to from class teacher?

Many thanks

Prospect
J50
Posts: 296
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:35 am

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by J50 »

Few Indies make any allowance for siblings - officially anyway.
boardfleet
Posts: 37
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2015 9:50 am

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by boardfleet »

you'd have to look at the individual admissions policies for the schools involved - but it is very rare to find a selective independent school with a sibling policy.

There's not much to be gained by thinking about whether you should have tutored IMO? Presumably you did the same for dd2 as dd1?

If you're very concerned, I'd go and speak to her current headteacher ASAP - they seem to have more insight than we do at this stage.
Ladymuck
Posts: 1240
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:04 pm

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by Ladymuck »

I would expect that your headteacher would know by now if she has been rejected by all of the schools. But definitely worth calling them for their advice. I'm south of the river, and siblings of well-performing current pupils are given some recognition provided they aren't going to struggle academically.

In terms of tuition, I have had children in 3 preps, one 13+ which asked parents not to tutor, one 11+ which expected pupils to tutor, and a prep of a senior school where pupils sat the entrance exam mainly to determine scholarships. In all 3 cases parents tutored, though only those of the brighter pupils at the third prep. But I also live in an area with schools providing reasonably generous scholarships.
prospect
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:09 pm

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by prospect »

All

Thank you so much for your replies. Very helpful.

Prospect
ConcernedDad
Posts: 204
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:43 pm

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by ConcernedDad »

Head of DD's Prep used to say that parents need to apply to all those schools, where the Prep (not parents) is confident of securing an admission for the girls as the Prep can not risk any of their kids hanging out with no secondary school offers. They had one-to-one session with each set of parents to review the set of secondary schools being applied to. Your Prep also would also have done due diligence, and they would have been confident that your DD would get an offer from at least one of the three indies you selected.

Most of the selective indies don't have official sibling policy - as it can possibly create legal hassles. Having said that, I understand, they do give preference. In case of a tie, a sibling will get a priority I reckon.

Re Tuitions, our Prep said we will not say 'no' to tuitions, but be careful with time management. I understand a majority did tutoring. We did DIY coaching.

I suggest meeting up with Prep and discussing your concerns. And assure your DD that she did her best, and you are very proud of her efforts, and everything will work out.

All the best to your DD and yourself!
Tolstoy
Posts: 2755
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 5:25 pm

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by Tolstoy »

I can't help with many of the issues as I have no experience with the Independent sector. However in regards to DD disappointment remind her that it is difficult to judge accurately how well they do in each test. In my experience of State selection tests feeling confident they have done well doesn't always relate to a good result and vice-versa. She may be pleasantly surprised and so may you so keep thinking positively.
coolmum123
Posts: 271
Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:18 pm

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by coolmum123 »

At our prep, as the other poster above said, we had one to one meetings re our choice of Indies. If the school agreed that DD had a good chance of attaining a place then if there was a situation whereby DD had not received any offers they would then łeap into action and talk to the schools and send reports and exam results etc to show that she would be able to cope and that it must have been an off day. They certainly don't want pupils with no offers. Although it is not a guarentee they do try. I would talk to either the head it the person in charge if secondary transfers at your current school.
Wish you luck and hope things work out for your DD.
fairyelephant
Posts: 588
Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:59 am
Location: N London

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by fairyelephant »

Whilst selective indies can't prefer siblings absolutely, most will give them careful consideration. It's always rotten when the first response is a no and undoubtedly rocks confidence, but chin up, all is not lost yet! Let us know how it goes wth your head....
Middlesexmum
Posts: 1008
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:54 am

Re: How to deal with disappointed DD and sibling preference

Post by Middlesexmum »

Tolstoy wrote: In my experience of State selection tests feeling confident they have done well doesn't always relate to a good result and vice-versa.
Very true in our experience too!
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