Boarding schools help please

[avidskier]

We have a highly academic DD who we are potentially looking to send to board when she is 16. She is highly self-driven and motivated when she is enjoying a subject.

I am assuming that Wycombe Abbey and Cheltenham Ladies College are the most academic? Are there any others? Or better ones in terms of being flexible to the needs of the unusual learner?

And I am not asking this as a pushy parent.. She will learn as long as she is happy. But she is just very different, she sticks out like a sore thumb at her current school and also did so at her last (top tier academic Indy). And this bothers her. She is just unusually academic (and she chooses to be so herself!) and struggles to connect with other 12 yr olds who maybe do not want to discuss the intricacies of Latin declinations (her favourite topic for the moment!).

Thanks in advance for all your suggestions..

[Kingfisher]

Just curious: what are you expecting from a boarding school that would be different (academically) from her top-tier independent school?

[scary mum]

I was wondering the same thing, and the possible isolation from family of being a boarder if she doesn't "fit in". I think you need to visit the schools & talk to current parents, if possible. It's no use just aiming for the most academic school, it needs to be the right school for your DD. It sounds as though her results will probably be good wherever she goes, but she needs to be happy too (I know this is why you want to move her, but it makes it all the more important to visit, rather than picking the most academic one).

[kenyancowgirl]

Agreed....boarding won't solve her isolation issues but will exacerbate them and all without the daily support from home. This may then have a negative effect on her academic progress. Think and research carefully - the most academic school is not necessarily going to be the Holy Grail - if she doesn't socialise well now, sending her away isn't going to magically solve the problem.

[loobylou]

I can't be much help but would echo the concerns of others that if she finds it difficult to fit in with her peers, boarding school may make that feel worse.
I know one girl at Wycombe Abbey, about to start year 10. She is not highly academic - according to her mother, she was told clearly by her prep school not to apply for any state grammars or Habs. She is probably above average but not more than that. I have no idea whether she is at all representative of the school though.
I'm sure some people will know the schools better.

[Moon unit]

could I just ask a couple of questions?
Was your daughter at a top Indy until 11 and has now done a year or two at a different school?
As she is just 12 I would think things could change dramatically be year 11.
I do agree with others that if a child doesn't quite fit in at school boarding can really exacerbate feelings of isolation etc.
Is she asking to board?

[quasimodo]

We have a highly academic DD who we are potentially looking to send to board when she is 16. She is highly self-driven and motivated when she is enjoying a subject.

I am assuming that Wycombe Abbey and Cheltenham Ladies College are the most academic? Are there any others? Or better ones in terms of being flexible to the needs of the unusual learner?

And I am not asking this as a pushy parent.. She will learn as long as she is happy. But she is just very different, she sticks out like a sore thumb at her current school and also did so at her last (top tier academic Indy). And this bothers her. She is just unusually academic (and she chooses to be so herself!) and struggles to connect with other 12 yr olds who maybe do not want to discuss the intricacies of Latin declinations (her favourite topic for the moment!).

Thanks in advance for all your suggestions..

The schools you have mentioned are great schools but girls only schools.Have you considered a mixed sixth form like Westminister where there are scholarships available as Queens scholars to the brightest girls in a girls only boarding house in a sixth form of about one third girls ? If you are considering it from what I read previously the scholarship and entrance exam has to be taken in year 11 and there are tight deadlines.

I have no personal experience of the school only what I have read.

You clearly have some time to consider all the options.

[Amber]

And a question from me: if she is 'very different', is the very girly and intense atmosphere of an all girls boarding school going to be the best for her? What about a mixed school - girls who are 'very different' often feel happier when there are boys around to dilute the often rather b****y atmosphere which can be created by loads of girls together. My own very sparky, feisty and intelligent daughter would have loathed an all girls boarding school more than almost anything else I can imagine, and was so much happier in a low pressure environment with boys around.

Just because someone is highly intelligent doesn't necessarily mean they need a heap of pressure and a load of competition with others - internal drive is more important and that will, as you say, only come if she is happy. If being surrounded by lots of competitive girls makes her happy then go ahead.

I live in Cheltenham and see the girls around a lot - the school is in the town centre and lessons take place between different buildings. It seems to be very international in its intake. That is all I know as none of my friends could afford it even if they wanted to!


Crossed with QM - similar thoughts about mix I think.

[ToadMum]

In the meantime, might it help to point her towards something like a Latin online forum to find like-minded folk (yes, they do exist - I found one very easily which looks quite fun, if you like that kind of thing ) and perhaps see whether there are other (I hesitate to use the description 'more popular') activities at / after school which she might have a go at? If she is good at throwing herself into things which really interest her, has she actually explored a few less esoteric activities, on the subject of which she may more easily find classmates enthusiastic to chat? I don't mean developing a burning interest in the relative merits of the nail varnish ranges of various make up companies, btw .

Is your DD herself unhappy with her situation? Presumably on her taster day(s), she must have felt that she wouldn't be too out of place at the school. And if she is actually unhappy now, why make her wait four years to do something about it?

Would it have to be a boarding school for sixth form? You talk about 'sending her' to boarding school; is this something that she herself thinks she might enjoy? Are you near enough to central London to consider somewhere like Westminster as a day pupil? If she really is that bright, she should stand as good a chance as the next girl of getting a place. My personal experience of academically very able boys is that they are just as capable, if not more so, of really getting into conversations on subjects which interest them.

(Cross-posted with several others ).

[loobylou]

I have been thinking about this a bit and it has made me think. Good friendships should give people the space to discuss what they want to discuss and allow different people's passions to co-exist within the friendship.
But maybe she needs the friendships before the ability to discuss Latin declinations (no idea what that means by the way!) if that makes sense?
Two quick examples from my own children's experiences.
Dd and her best friend are both very academic and very different from each other. One will do all sciences and wants to do medicine, the other will do all humanities and wants to read English. Dd's "nerdy passions" for want of a better word, are all about books (she knows everything there is to know about Jane Austen and Mr Darcy) and history. She talks about them to her friends who listen and will watch a history programme with her or try to read P and P so they understand what she's talking about. Her friend's passions are very different but dd has gone to science lectures with her and to dissection club - and she will come home and discuss with me what her friend reported she had read in the New Scientist for example because she thinks I might be interested as well being more of a scientist - but she's remembered everything her friend told her. (And they are by no means living in each other's pockets. Dd is in 5 music groups etc at school, her friend none but is in every sports' team and dd is in none. But they just get on brilliantly despite being quite different).
When ds was 10 he was given the chance to go on a tour of the European Parliament which was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to him. (I appreciate he has niche interests). The next morning he ran up to his friend on the way to school and blurted it out excitedly and I was standing behind, dreading the response. His friend paused and said (word for word) "I can tell that is such exciting news for you. I'm so happy for you. What are you particularly looking forward to about it?" (I was proud of the friend myself, let alone his mother when I told her).
I suppose what I'm trying (probably badly) to say is that friendships don't have to depend on the same interests but they do depend on some give and take and showing interest in others' passions. If she had great friends then she could probably discuss Latin doo-dahs in return for them discussing politics or their favourite band or a particular book. But she probably needs the friends first in order to make this possible.
Even at 16 that is probably going to be the case. It might not be till uni that she meets people that have exactly the same passions. It seems a shame to be planning ahead for things to be better when it might be possible to make things better now in her current school with a bit of help. (For example, I don't know whether she's in a small school where she knows everyone but, if not, maybe the pastoral head could point her in the direction of others who have not yet found their niche and that might create a great friendship group).