Sensible, pragmatic advice please!

[StressedOutMother]

Hi all,

Long time lurker here. I've drawn a lot of strength through this whole strange, out of body experience called indie 11 plus from this forum since my DS embarked on it. Lots of sage advice with just a smattering of other stuff that shall remain nameless.

I'm in a tiny spiritual quandary. DS sat 5 exams and got 3.5 -

Dulwich
Eltham
Sevenoaks (this is DS first choice)

Westminster US waiting list

CLSB after interview, was a no (can't imagine what was discussed )

I am slightly in awe of Dr Spence and really see DS thriving there. Likewise with Sevenoaks. Scholarships at all three, some more substantial than others. There is still a small chance that WUS might be offered closer to March. Sevenoaks is further away, although not impossible. Eltham is a good choice for logistics. They're all amazing schools.

WWYD? Looking for genuine advice from all the pragmatists out there. As a pragmatist myself I'm shocked at how emotive this subject had become for me...

[doodles]

Try a pros and cons list for each. You know the sort of stuff, Saturday school, co-ed, sport, music, drama, art, value of scholarship etc etc.

And the old chestnut of travel! You say Sevenoaks is further but how easy is the journey? From what I can see they seem to operate a minibus shuttle service from the station so would it be an "easier" journey than a nearer school that has two or three changes involved. Also remember that Sevenoaks do the IB (not sure about the others).

I don't know the other schools but both DS' have several friends that have been to/are at Sevenoaks and they have been happy there.

And well done to your DS.

[Daogroupie]

I see Sevenoaks is the first choice of your ds.

Has he been able to explain why?

What is your definitiion of "not impossible" for Sevenoaks?

How much nearer is Eltham? How much time would you save daily? DG

[grgygirl]

Depends on your ds's personality I think. I got the impression that Dulwich/Sevenoaks boys were generally an 'alpha male' bunch whereas Westminster Under boys were quieter/quirkier/more intellectual (complete generalisation and just my opinion of visiting and of the boys that I know that go to all three schools). Westminster offers an exceptional education, way above the others but is an urban school whereas the others offer a very good education, have lovely grounds and offer many sports etc. I loved Sevenoaks but didn't like the idea of the IB so we didn't apply. Eltham is a good, solid independent but we know children that have left for the Grammar schools so perhaps it doesn't have the academic reputation of the others?

Don't underestimate the journey. Dulwich and Eltham have school buses that stretch all over South and Central London. For Westminster, how would you feel about your 11 year old travelling on a train/tube in the rush hour through busy Victoria? All things being equal with the firm offers then i'd choose the nearest/easiest journey school. You can always reconsider for 6th form.

Just a little aside. Check with your ds about how he feels as a 'scholarship' boy. My ds (who is at a Grammar) said he was anxious about being a scholar as you are expected to represent the independent schools in competitions, maintain high academic standards etc. Most children would thrive on this but for some it is anxiety provoking and can feel pressurised.

[Sla212]

Which is your nearest school & which is your first choice personally?

[StressedOutMother]

Try a pros and cons list for each. You know the sort of stuff, Saturday school, co-ed, sport, music, drama, art, value of scholarship etc etc.

And the old chestnut of travel! You say Sevenoaks is further but how easy is the journey? From what I can see they seem to operate a minibus shuttle service from the station so would it be an "easier" journey than a nearer school that has two or three changes involved. Also remember that Sevenoaks do the IB (not sure about the others).

I don't know the other schools but both DS' have several friends that have been to/are at Sevenoaks and they have been happy there.

And well done to your DS.

Thank you. DS set on Sevenoaks for the surroundings, facilities, IB...I suppose the journey is not that much longer than anywhere else offered for that matter. A car ride of 10 minutes then a direct train to Sevenoaks. Saturday school is not an issue.

Thank you for your comment, I think I just have to "say" these things out loud to an unconnected party - Husband and son are feverishly enthusiastic about Sevenoaks. I'm also thinking a bit of cash off is not a bad thing!

[StressedOutMother]

I see Sevenoaks is the first choice of your ds.

Has he been able to explain why?

What is your definitiion of "not impossible" for Sevenoaks?

How much nearer is Eltham? How much time would you save daily? DG

Eltham is a bike ride away from us! Substantial time saved.

DS loves IB concept, he also loves the idea of going to school in the country, he's absolutely set on Sevenoaks. In fact cried tears of relief when he was told he was on WUS wait list as he "didn't want the debate"

I've slightly fallen in love with Dr Spence and with the scholarship offered can't shake the thought that he would equally thrive there.

I'm answering my own dilemma, aren't I?

[StressedOutMother]

Depends on your ds's personality I think. I got the impression that Dulwich/Sevenoaks boys were generally an 'alpha male' bunch whereas Westminster Under boys were quieter/quirkier/more intellectual (complete generalisation and just my opinion of visiting and of the boys that I know that go to all three schools). Westminster offers an exceptional education, way above the others but is an urban school whereas the others offer a very good education, have lovely grounds and offer many sports etc. I loved Sevenoaks but didn't like the idea of the IB so we didn't apply. Eltham is a good, solid independent but we know children that have left for the Grammar schools so perhaps it doesn't have the academic reputation of the others?

Don't underestimate the journey. Dulwich and Eltham have school buses that stretch all over South and Central London. For Westminster, how would you feel about your 11 year old travelling on a train/tube in the rush hour through busy Victoria? All things being equal with the firm offers then i'd choose the nearest/easiest journey school. You can always reconsider for 6th form.

Just a little aside. Check with your ds about how he feels as a 'scholarship' boy. My ds (who is at a Grammar) said he was anxious about being a scholar as you are expected to represent the independent schools in competitions, maintain high academic standards etc. Most children would thrive on this but for some it is anxiety provoking and can feel pressurised.

Thank you for your comment. I'm going to have a chat with him about the scholar contract and all it entails. Didn't even think of it like that. Husband is dead set on IB - he's not from the UK so sees it as a more natural state to achieve in. Says A levels are narrowing. He has a point I suppose.

He's a bit of an enigma personality wise. Intellectual, his strength lies in humanities definitely not maths. Comes across as bullish and can be to the point at times, but is actually very sensitive in certain areas of his life and is a very loving, happy boy. Doesn't suffer fools gladly though!!

[doodles]

Thankyou for your comment, I think I just have to "say" these things out loud to an unconnected party

Sometimes that's all you need to do!

Whatever you decide your DS has done really well and you have a lovely decision to make.

[Choco]

Personally, I think that whilst Eltham is probably 'on the up', SevenOaks is the more established academic school and harder to get into. A decent scholarship there is hard to come by and I would think there will be more children at the higher ability end than at Eltham.

Have W said where you are on WL or liklihood? Have you mentioned your scholarship offers to them or your keeness for a place?

I guess really you need to choose amongst those you have offers from and not think too much about WL.

How would you feel about accepting SevenOaks or another and then receiving a later WL place, which will cost you money - perhaps a term of fees?