I second that about STR - Pastoral care is the best I have ever encountered at any school, ever (and I have taught all over the place, specifically with children needing extra care). For some reason people seem to think they have to be into rugby or else, but neither of mine ever has been, and it has not even been on the radar of potential issues. Otherwise, I have a friend whose son has been very happy indeed at King's and has done very well academically too. I don't think they have any complaints at all. Personally I would never uproot an entire family for a school, especially when there is no other reason to move and there are other children to think of as well. Imagine the pressure on your very sensitive son to succeed, knowing that you had only moved house because of him.
For the record, I don't think Crypt is any more 'rough and tumble' than Pates - it may be a different kind of rough and tumble but don't kid yourself that Pates is some kind of refined and genteel establishment (nor is King's). And (I say this as a parent of a child who was very sensitive too) please don't spend all his life protecting him from things you think might be too damaging for his sensitivities. At some point he has to encounter the big bad world, and sometimes that is best done at age 11, rather than potentially protecting him for another 5 -7 years when the demons will still be there, just bigger and fiercer. It is so tempting to try and fix everything, but the world you are trying to fix just gets harder to fend off if you do that.
Good luck.
ETA - Exeter is a nice enough place to live; and even better, it isn't going anywhere any time soon. It will still be there in a year or two when you will have had a bit more time to think, so why not start with the line of least resistance and stay where you are to see how it goes?
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