How far does/will your child travel to their school?

Independent Schools as an alternative to Grammar

Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators

11 Plus Mocks - Practise the real exam experience - Book Now
Northkentmum
Posts: 483
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 1:15 pm
Location: North Kent (surprise!)

Post by Northkentmum »

Hi Chomps

My DD went to independent school in September and I must admit I was (and still am) worried about friendships made that are out of the local area. I have read in the schools recent ISS report that most children come to school via car indicating I think that distances are commonly involved for school runs and think that this is probably normal for this type of school and so the parents has to accept that "taxi" comes as a prefix to mum or dad!!

I always thought that as DD got older she would want to make her own way home from school, as I did in secondary school, however I have come to realise that this is not the norm at her school and so it does not bother her. Yes her friends are spread far and wide (MSN comes into its own at this point!!) but there are ways round it like meeting half way to exchange children on a sleepover and my DD has also kept close friendships with her BBFL (daughters abbreviation) who are local to us and so has friendships both local and further afield.

I would not worry too much about this as the problems can be over come what you should concentrate on is what school your child would be happiest in overall.
NKM
chomps
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:46 pm

Post by chomps »

Thanks for the replies. Visited both schools again yesterday, and initially I thought we had made headway! My son preferred the independent school with regards the sports offered and extra-curricular activities and indicated he would be happiest here. However, when we got home and I said ' so we have made a decision, that is the school we are going with', he became upset at the thought of not going to the school where his local friends are. He said he would like to be able to make his own way to and from school, and wanted to be able to go with his local friends. He said he knows the sports etc will be better at the independent but that is now not so important to him.

I think the independent would suit him best academically, but socially I think the local comp is more up his street. Very difficult. Tomorrow is the deadline and no nearer to making a decision. Somehow think the good old days of when I went to school (no choice, no visit beforehand) made life a lot easier! :?
Schoolbaglady
Posts: 46
Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:08 pm
Location: North London

Post by Schoolbaglady »

I feel for you chomps. I thought pre entrance exams stress was bad enough but post choice stress can leave you completely drained. Especially when, as in your case, your child's views differ from your own!

Ok ok, better to have the choice than none at all, but still feel a wave of incredulity that we could have declined schools that only 2 weeks before we would have been seriously grateful to have received an interview from let alone an offer.

Sometimes (most times) hard being the Parent and trying to take the long view. Your ds is obviously very bright and if the local comp can accommodate on that front then maybe benefits outweigh the disadvantages - ie distance/loss of current daytime friends/cost. Is he the type of boy who makes friends relatively easily though? Apparently children make good friends with their peer group on the coach journey to and from school and those new friends will probably live relatively close to him. Plus, as has been said elsewhere on this thread, he will be able to retain current friends - it's not the end of these friendships. Quite useful to have two different groups to draw from - the more the merrier.

Good luck with your choice. Sometimes deadlines can help focus the mind. (Or heart!)
chomps
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:46 pm

Post by chomps »

Hi there - yes, he does make friends easily, but I have a feeling his current local friends may disappear if he goes to a different school. From an adult viewpoint, we would think 'well they aren't such great friends anyway', but to a ten year old, it's not the case is it?!

I personally think he would thrive at the independent school, as he is gifted sportswize and would be with likeminded individuals. I do though understand his point of view that he wants to be 'like everyone else' and wonder if sending him out of the area will alienate him even more from those locally who are bit jealous of his ability.

I feel like I am really banging on on these message boards! I am aware lots of people make these decisions every day, but as a single mum there isn't anyone else to bounce ideas off!
surreymum
Posts: 553
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2008 10:26 pm

Post by surreymum »

These decisions are so hard-we have struggled twice with similar ones. Friendships change so much as the children get older that I wouldn't base my decision on local friends, but would go with my instinct of which school is best for that child. You may need to be more proactive about actively supporting his old friendships if you go with the independent in order to make him feel more secure around the time of change, but as he gets more independent as he is older he will be able to negotiate these himself.
Good luck with your decision-for what it's worth I would go with the independent if you can afford it, unless the comprehensive excels academically.
1401
Posts: 19
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 8:52 pm
Location: Midlands

Post by 1401 »

I agree with you Surreymum very few children stick with their primary school friends throughout their secondary school life. New friends are made all the time both in forms and in class sets. At our local secondary school there is an intake of over 240 and a child is extremely lucky if it has more than two others from their feeder school let alone a close friend.

I would tend to go for the best school academically for your son - then he can have twice as many friends !!!

Also change can be good - in 7 years time he may well be going off to uni knowing absolutely no one. This will be less daunting if he has had experience of making new friends continuously throughout his life !!
chomps
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:46 pm

Post by chomps »

Thanks so much for replying - it is very helpful to me to have these views. I have been discussing it with other family members who all have differing viewpoints and keep swaying my decisions. Some don't agree with independent schools, and in an ideal world, neither do I, but I also don't agree with children who want to learn being put off by those who don't.

Got to let the independent school know one way or the other today so it's really decision time! Thanks for all your advice.
Hope
Posts: 149
Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2007 10:16 pm

Post by Hope »

Another thing to think about......

if his friends are jealous of his ability will they make it difficult for him to carry on excelling at school if he goes to the local comp, sometimes it is not seen as 'cool' to be clever!!!!
beenherebeforebutnoeasier
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2008 3:54 pm
Location: london

Post by beenherebeforebutnoeasier »

I realise you may have made decision by now so hope this isn't unhelpful but the point about making new friends is a really good one. And my dd went to her school knowing only one girl - and her not well - and often says how very very good it was to be able to re-invent herself a bit. Her old friends tell her how much more confident she is now. I think it did her a power of good to have a fresh start (something I didn't get) and think it will be equally good for my younger one in Sept. Anyway good luck either way - it feels so momentous making these choices for them but I'm sure it will work out.
chomps
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:46 pm

Post by chomps »

Hi there - thanks to last 2 replies, both of which I agree with. Decision not made yet! My son is currently writing his list of pros and cons and has till 2pm so I can get my reply in tonight's post!
Post Reply
11 Plus Platform - Online Practice Makes Perfect - Try Now