People's Reactions When You Tell Them
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Sally-Anne
- Posts: 9235
- Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 8:10 pm
- Location: Buckinghamshire
She's here and ready with the handcuffs any time they are needed.AB wrote:Are we allowed a proper 'off topic fisticuffs' or is the Moderator going to come and get us soon?
This is Snowdrops thread, and as she has nor problem with it going off topic, you can do so if you wish.
I should point out that that was not, and remains, the case on Pretty Woman's thread.
Please observe Forum rules at all times:
http://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/forum/ ... .php?t=148
... especially the rules on being polite, and not starting a "flame war".
My other survival motto would be: "Post in haste, repent at leisure ...".
Sally-Anne
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T.i.p.s.y
Hopefully giving some posters who may be seeing red a thread to vent on will improve the situation! 
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Sally-Anne
- Posts: 9235
- Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 8:10 pm
- Location: Buckinghamshire
I'm more than happy to see this thread weave in and out of any topic which naturally occurs from a flowing conversation.
On the whole we've been quite well behaved and hopefully we'll remain mature enough to appreciate a bit of good banter and not take things too personally.
Let the conversations begin!
On the whole we've been quite well behaved and hopefully we'll remain mature enough to appreciate a bit of good banter and not take things too personally.
Let the conversations begin!
True Friendship is not about discarding friends who don't agree with you or vice-versa. It is about not making any judgments on the things you don't see eye to eye with. Just another take on your thoughts.Snowdrops wrote:Friendship ISN'T so black and white that we can say if one's friends do not agree with us we can discard them. Neither is it so easy to say I accept and therefore will compromise my beliefs (and vice-versa) for my friends.
So, some you'd accept the criticisms from and others you'd walk away from. - See, simple really
It is good to have a good belly laugh before bedtime - purges any negatives feelings and excess gas that may have accumulated in the course of the day. I mean that sincerely and not as an invitation to have a fisticuffs fight as forewarned by moderator to avoid at all costs.
All friendship is 'real' - it just depends on the degree of friendship you have with that particular person.AB wrote:
True Friendship is not about discarding friends who don't agree with you or vice-versa.
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It's like having 'best' friends, who are lifelong acquaintances, and people with whom you are friends but wouldn't necessarily invite to your wedding. 'Real' and 'Best' friends are like family members who, in the main, you can say and do just about anything and you'll be forgiven. Whereas mere friends you would be on your (almost) best behaviour for.
Don't misunderstand me, I don't advocate discarding friendships just because they don't happen to fit in with your objectives for that day - I think we are by far too much a throw away society, indeed I envy my OH his life-long friends (whom he has known since being 3 years old) whereas I, who constantly travelled from being very young, don't have that sort of relationships with people. But there may come a time (most unfortunately) when people are not what you thought they were and you have to let go - fortunately that is very far and few between, but it does happen - even with family and best friends.
Which brings it round full circle,
Anyone who reacts poorly to news you are going down the independent route and starts avoiding you at all costs/surreptitiously is not a 'real' friend if you want to call it that, just a mere 'acquaintance'.
Anyone who is happy and joyous that your child has a place for a good education ( state or independent)is worthy of the term, 'Friend'.
We could go on all day splitting hairs and checking out what ticks the boxes for what constitutes a friend or an acquaintance, true or false, genuine or hypocritical etc etc.
In life you have only yourself to answer to (as long as your intentions/actions are legal ):D .
Peer pressure, when it comes to what others might think of you and your actions, is surprisingly still quite an unavoidable force to resist, even in adulthood.
Anyone who reacts poorly to news you are going down the independent route and starts avoiding you at all costs/surreptitiously is not a 'real' friend if you want to call it that, just a mere 'acquaintance'.
Anyone who is happy and joyous that your child has a place for a good education ( state or independent)is worthy of the term, 'Friend'.
We could go on all day splitting hairs and checking out what ticks the boxes for what constitutes a friend or an acquaintance, true or false, genuine or hypocritical etc etc.
In life you have only yourself to answer to (as long as your intentions/actions are legal ):D .
Peer pressure, when it comes to what others might think of you and your actions, is surprisingly still quite an unavoidable force to resist, even in adulthood.
I have been in the position of having a friend, with children younger than mine but to whom I had chatted merrily about school, shared experiences when hers started at the local infants, passed on secondhand uniform and advice, talked about the transition to Juniors etc - and was somewhat taken aback when she told me they would be moving to the junior department of the local private school rather than following my children through the local state schools. Perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised but I was, initially, and perhaps there was a niggle of "hurt" - a feeling that somehow the decision ( which I think to be fair was prompted by her OH's family offering help with fees) was an implicit criticism of the school I had chosen for my children - not good enough for her little darlings perhaps. There was also a faint fear that the loss of the shared experience of the same school will threaten aspects of our friendship. Now of course, being I hope a good friend, I didn't say any of this to her - we talked eventually about the pros & cons, she expressed the reasons which had convinced her, and occasionally we still compare experiences of the differing approaches to things like class allocations, GCSE options, etc and after many years we are still very good friends ( we do however have other things in common - if we had only ever met at the school gate it would have been more difficult to keep the friendship at the same level, purely because life is so busy with the children's social lives...).
Of course we would all aim to be totally understanding and non-critical of the decisions our friends make, but parenting does inevitably have a competitive edge, even amongst good friends, which it is healthy to be aware of even if to resist it. Someone choosing a different path from the one we had always assumed they agreed with us about is unsettling - perhaps leading to thoughts such as "did we make the right decision after all if the Jones's don't think Leafy Comp is right for their children..." Children's friendships inevitably change when they move schools and that's uncomfortable for parents too, if a previous "best friend" is going elsewhere
Having seen two of mine safely through their schooling I can now be more relaxed - in the long run their contemporaries that have followed different routes have all more-or-less ended up in the same places you might have expected, and I am confident enough in my children and the decisions we (and they) have taken not to feel threatened by other people choosing differently. But I hope this helps those of you feeling hurt by friends/ acquaintances who seem less close to understand what they might be thinking too
Of course we would all aim to be totally understanding and non-critical of the decisions our friends make, but parenting does inevitably have a competitive edge, even amongst good friends, which it is healthy to be aware of even if to resist it. Someone choosing a different path from the one we had always assumed they agreed with us about is unsettling - perhaps leading to thoughts such as "did we make the right decision after all if the Jones's don't think Leafy Comp is right for their children..." Children's friendships inevitably change when they move schools and that's uncomfortable for parents too, if a previous "best friend" is going elsewhere
Having seen two of mine safely through their schooling I can now be more relaxed - in the long run their contemporaries that have followed different routes have all more-or-less ended up in the same places you might have expected, and I am confident enough in my children and the decisions we (and they) have taken not to feel threatened by other people choosing differently. But I hope this helps those of you feeling hurt by friends/ acquaintances who seem less close to understand what they might be thinking too
